susanl Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 So alot of you know my story --but this has been an up and down relationship and we finally decide that we are right for each other. So he asks me to marry him and I say yes---I tell the people at work he tells no one. I haven't told my family because my kids are away from home and I want to wait to see them face to face---but here comes the kicker. WE have a few disagreements--over petty things, small lies, white lies, internet stuff. So tonight he says he wants to take a break??????? How do you take a break from an engagement---maybe I am missing something but I thought this was a committment??? So what do I do --and is this someone I want to be with (I have already been through one marriage of 21 yrs and a divorce--but that was due to alcohol)----someone help please!!!!
Citizen Erased Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Yes it is a committment, and perhaps that is why he has suggested the break. Maybe he is overwhelmed, maybe he needs to prepare himself for it (it is a huge step) or maybe he is having doubts. I think you have to be patient so you can get through this either together or apart. Some people want to go out and prepare themselves for married life. Have some fun. go out with your friends and if it is meant to be then it will happen.
Author susanl Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Wait something I don't understand--I thought you asked someone to marry them when you were sure---you are saying give him time go out with friends have fun--what does that prove or what does that show me of him and his commitment to me??
Walk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 WE have a few disagreements--over petty things, small lies, white lies, internet stuff. Which partner is the one accused of the small lies/white lies and internet stuff? And why the white lies? And were the disagreements recently, or from the past?
Author susanl Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Both of us are accused of the white lies--but the point is I thought there was a commitment and a commitment to me is honest---
Walk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 It is a commitment, but no one's signed the papers yet. So both of you are free to go your seperate ways. I'm worried about your train of thought on this. It almost sounds as if you are saying that he HAS to stick by you and marry you now that he's given you the ring. But if the two of you are not being honest with each other, then a ring isn't going to solidify your relationship to the point that all is suddenly okay. Also, sounds as if he's having problems with the engagment if he hasn't told any one about it. I don't think the two of you are communicating very effectively. It might be wise of you to give him the space he is asking for, but use it to evaluate your relationship and whether you wish to marry this person. Does he feel they were white lies, small lies? And did he tell you that the latest disagreements were the reason why he wants the break? Did you talk to him about why he's been holding off telling people about the engagement?
Walk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 p.s. I was asking about the white lies earlier because I had read your previous posts. I was wondering if he's having trust issues with you that he hasn't worked out yet. Which would've been compounded by a lie, no matter the size. Or if he'd been the one with the white lie/small lie, and then asked for a break. It'd change how people might view the situation.
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 WE have a few disagreements--over petty things, small lies, white lies, internet stuff. Can you expand abit more on this? If it IS really small petty stuff and that is why he wants a break - THERE IS MORE TO IT than just that. NO way do people take breaks over 'little things'. Either he is freaking out about getting married and actually making a committment to you and your children - (A big change and a BIG responsibility on his part) so he may need afew days to digest it all. Or he has changed his mind...Which makes me wonder, HOW were things before he proposed to you? And when he did propose to you, was it romantic? Loveydovey and planned out? Or was it in the spur of the moment...All this matters as I can't really give a well based reply without more information.
Delectable Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Can you expand abit more on this? it would be helpful if you could.... but from what I understand already a engagement is a pretty serious committment
littlekitty Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 WE have a few disagreements--over petty things, small lies, white lies, internet stuff. Sounds to me like the above has made him reconsider his commitment to you. A marriage needs honesty and trust. Perhaps these white lies and issues have made him reconsider if he wants to commit 100%. As the other LS'ers suggest, more info would help us give better advice/opinions.
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