Sami_D Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I love myself too much to settle any longer. It was all or nothing with me...and he knew it. It was always all or nothing with me, too. I'm so glad you got to that point where walking away was the only thing you can do. Some of us never manage it. It's taking me a VERY long time.
Author Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Oh Sami, I've been reading LS for greater than three months. You seem to be such a powerful woman. Would you share your story with me?
lovernotafighter Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Oh Sami, I've been reading LS for greater than three months. You seem to be such a powerful woman. Would you share your story with me? WA I just have to say this...you seem so sweet and loving and give so much of your self to everyone around you..I must tell you I think your MM is a complete fool to let you walk out of his life. stay strong,your worth it.
Author Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Thanks so much.... You, too, seem to be the epitamy of strength as well. These MM are ALL fools for letting us walk out of their lives. You, too, are amazing.
grateful Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Glad to hear today is a better day. Keep strong, you are a great example on this forum.
Guest Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I just want to add my support to what you are going through. And I dont want to appear to be giving you false hope.......... but what I have found is that... if it's real, it's real. Society doesn't want these relationships to succeed, because they are so clearly powerful and empowering and positive and RARE!! Society doesn't want to believe that you can actually find that one person who really is IT for you! Take out the situation that he met someone else before you,,,,,, it doesn't change the fact that you have both found eachother NOW. Only you know if you truly believe the depth of meaning behind his e-mail and phone call. ONly you can decide if the relationship , on balance is worth relying on. You can tell yourself you hate him...to get over it... but I suspect that that's not what you really feel about him, nor want to. We are lucky to have found this great passion with someone else , someone , who despite all the barriers, condemnation, guilt and pain are still the one who we think about , care about and would move mountains for . simply because , whatever they ARE giving us, fulfills us as an individual. I was seeing my MM for 2 years.... many periods of NC, with all the pain and agony and soul searching that you have described. I also, finally became firm and said, you made your choice.....until something changes in your cirmcumstances... I can't do this anymore. Of course, I am shortening a long story and for the sake of getting to my point am leaving out the parts that were difficult to get through.... Here I am now though, 6 months after taking that final stand and he is Divorced, has moved into his own Flat, and we are off on a weekend away at Easter. Our relationship is stronger than ever, all the same feelings are still there ( the good ones!) , we both know and talk about what we've done and why it's just not been possible to stay away. I am not saying that my relationship will never end.......who knows! But I was married before, (long time divorced now) and so my take is that there are no guarantees in ANY relationship. You sound like a sensitive, intelligent, caring , thoughful person. You may be nearer than you think.......trust yourself and your instincts about this man, but stay strong for yourself, define what YOU really want... and if it's real........ it will become a reality. Take care.
zarathustra Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Thanks so much.... You, too, seem to be the epitamy of strength as well. These MM are ALL fools for letting us walk out of their lives. You, too, are amazing. WA, you've got that right. If things are as bad at home as these MMs are telling us, then why would they have chosen to stay with them. It would indeed be foolish of them to give us up and let us walk away. While I don't doubt what my MM told me about his homelife, I think he may have exagerated... else why would he choose to go back to someone who is emotionally abusive? My MM used to tell me all these things his W used to do and say to make him feel small and worthless and after his W took him back, he started telling me that he is the one with the problem. I felt so betrayed when he said that. Like all that he told me about the situation at home was all a lie. We will all get through this. I hope that I will not become bitter by this experience, but to grow wiser from it. All of you are so amazing and I really admire your strength and courage.
Author Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 I've said this before and I will say it again.... If these MM feel ANYTHING like they said about us, they must be some of the most tortured people on the face of this earth. For, to walk away from a great love in order to maintain stability in their world, it must be agonizing. I am sure that they suffer their own private hell every day....if they truly love us. Yet, we must continue on with our lives. Gracefully and with dignity. For, I want my MM to always remember me that way. Not psycho or begging and pleading him to stay with me. It is not what I am. Not what I ever want to be. I believe that good can always come out of incredibly bad situations. I wish I had a crystal ball and could see all of our futures, but I cannot... I do know that they are bright and will be without the torturous pain that we now must endure. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that with all of my heart. We ALL must believe that. And, until the rest of you do, I will believe it for you. WE WILL SURVIVE THIS.....
Sami_D Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Oh Sami, I've been reading LS for greater than three months. You seem to be such a powerful woman. Would you share your story with me? I'm not so sure I've been strong (in this) so much as stubborn. Long story short: We met almost 2 years ago online, sort of fell for each other with a big bump. Ummed and arred about meeting for real for an entire year, because of the morality of it, the fear of liking each other too much, his prolonged health worries, all sorts. Eventually met up a year later. Spent 9 months of last year getting to know each other mainly in hotels. We've both broken it off in the time we've known each other. Him first, before we even met, because he was falling for me and thought he should work on his marriage. Me last October, because he was dragging his feet on making a commitment to leave. He has 2 children (a girl now 9, and a boy 11), which has been the main sticking point. We actually haven't been able to see each other for more than 4 months because of changes in his work. Between that and Christmas I am just about through with being patient. This whole thing is killing me. I recently told him that I just can't take it any longer... he has to leave, or we're over. It isn't an empty threat, I'm just worn out with the worry and heartache. Anyway... this is the third time we've got to almost this point... him looking at finances, talking about seeing a lawyer. Taking about starting the conversation with his wife. I THINK he's going to do it this time. But I can't be sure. Whatever... I just can't wait for him any longer. He has to do it, or it's over.
Author Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Tough situation. You are strong and stubborn. My thoughts are with you. If it is meant to be, it will be. I know that heartache well. It consumed me while we were involved. Now I have traded that pain for the pain of loss. But, at least there is hope on this journey.... With him, as his mistress, there was only more pain and more hopelessness and powerlessness. I am taking my power back now, thank you very much. And, we have a great love. The ball is also in my MM's court. Regardless, I am gone. The affair is over and I am looking forward to my healing. Keep your chin up.
zarathustra Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 WA, you know, I was looking in the mirror last night and am shocked at how I look. I look 10 years older than I was before this whole ordeal and I look like I've died a little. I think that if my outter appearance is a reflection of my physical health, then I must not be doing so well. So thanks... thanks from the bottom of my heart for believing that we will survive this as I think I need you very much right now.
Author Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 As do I need you. You are a source of strength for me. For, I no longer feel alone. Sadly, I wish this situation on NO ONE, but there is a source of comfort for me to know that I walk this path with other souls in this world. We are all here for each other. This forum has become a lifeline for me. It comforts me in my darkest hours...know there are souls out there that are behind me, behind US....encouraging us and strengthening us when we fall on our faces. Hang tough....our lives have yet to begin.
zarathustra Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Thanks for this post and the other one WA. You know the funny thing is that before MM and I got involved, I told him that I'm really all but an itch. If you leave it alone, eventually it'll go away. We'll he scratched, it got worse, left a mark in both our lives now. They way things ended and the actions that he took prior to leaving and all the betrayal made me feel like I nothing but a fling on his side. Though he said that he would not have left his wife for me if that was all it was. You are right when you said that its was a losing battle the minute we got involved. I didn't want the EA nor the PA, but he kept telling me how much he loved me and that its and uphill battle that he is willing to fight for as long as he has me when he reached the top. Talk is cheap sometimes, don't you think? Think they offer this forum in intravenus?
Author Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 If they offered it IV, I would start IV's on us all and hook us all up. I am an RN. A heart nurse at that....Isn't that ironic?
Author Walking away Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 I just want to add my support to what you are going through. And I dont want to appear to be giving you false hope.......... but what I have found is that... if it's real, it's real. Society doesn't want these relationships to succeed, because they are so clearly powerful and empowering and positive and RARE!! Society doesn't want to believe that you can actually find that one person who really is IT for you! Take out the situation that he met someone else before you,,,,,, it doesn't change the fact that you have both found eachother NOW. Only you know if you truly believe the depth of meaning behind his e-mail and phone call. ONly you can decide if the relationship , on balance is worth relying on. You can tell yourself you hate him...to get over it... but I suspect that that's not what you really feel about him, nor want to. We are lucky to have found this great passion with someone else , someone , who despite all the barriers, condemnation, guilt and pain are still the one who we think about , care about and would move mountains for . simply because , whatever they ARE giving us, fulfills us as an individual. I was seeing my MM for 2 years.... many periods of NC, with all the pain and agony and soul searching that you have described. I also, finally became firm and said, you made your choice.....until something changes in your cirmcumstances... I can't do this anymore. Of course, I am shortening a long story and for the sake of getting to my point am leaving out the parts that were difficult to get through.... Here I am now though, 6 months after taking that final stand and he is Divorced, has moved into his own Flat, and we are off on a weekend away at Easter. Our relationship is stronger than ever, all the same feelings are still there ( the good ones!) , we both know and talk about what we've done and why it's just not been possible to stay away. I am not saying that my relationship will never end.......who knows! But I was married before, (long time divorced now) and so my take is that there are no guarantees in ANY relationship. You sound like a sensitive, intelligent, caring , thoughful person. You may be nearer than you think.......trust yourself and your instincts about this man, but stay strong for yourself, define what YOU really want... and if it's real........ it will become a reality. Take care. Thank you for the wonderful story. I am so happy for you and your relationship. I hope you find much happiness. All my best.
zarathustra Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 If they offered it IV, I would start IV's on us all and hook us all up. I am an RN. A heart nurse at that....Isn't that ironic? WA, life is so full of twisted ironies isn't it?!??
Author Walking away Posted April 1, 2006 Author Posted April 1, 2006 You got that right sister! Hugs to you.
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