leeroy1985 Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 OK.... Ive been going out with this girl for just under a year. Im 20 and shes 18, weve always got along and have just got through about 3 month of constant arguing so id say we were pretty strong but lately she has been acting really strange. Today for example she was going to her friends house. Now i usually go with her but she didnt ask me yesterday. Then earlier today she asked if would come and see her before she went for half an hour. Its about 20 mins drive to her house so i said there is no point, then she says "well why dont you come with me to jades (her friend)" So im going to her friends and meeting her there as she is getting a lift off her dad. I get home from work and she phones me and asks me if i will come at 9'o'clock to which i reply "why?" She tells me that her friends dad is not going out while 9'o'clock. I say there is no point because i will have to be home for 10-10:30 to get up for work in the morning! The thing is.... why cant i come because her dad is there? Ive been before when her dad has been in and i quite get along with him. He even borrowed me his old car when mine broke down and weve had a party at jades (her friends) house. Now if he can borrow me his car and let us party at his house then why wouldnt he mind if i was there aswell as my girlfriend? Or is it not him that minds and my girlfriend or her friend that does mind? It may not sound like much but this is the tip of the iceberg, the cherry on the cake! I do alot of running about for my girlfriend, costing me alot in petrol and i buy her alot of nice things. Whenever we go out i buy the drinks and she never buys her own fags, she just smokes mine but i dont mind and never complain about non of it. Now id say i was pretty damn good to her so why the lies or whatever it is shes playing at? Lets say for one second that it is her dad who doesnt want them two plus me in the house for some reason. If i was in my girlfriends shoes in the above situation it'd be a simple case of "well we'll just go out when she comes round then" not "oh well you can come because my friends dad isn't going out while 9" What do i do or say to this? The other things are like having said all the stuff i do for her, last week i was a little skint because i just spent over £100 on her birthday so she bought me a takeaway and some fags one night and then she borrowed me £20 and all i got was moan moan moan. "God ive just bought you some fags" or "when am i getting that £20 back" "i got £200 for my birthday and its nearly all gone" I mean i get £200 a week and its nearly all gone before i even touch it and that is money ive earnt, she moans that £200 has nearly gone after 2 weeks and its money she was given! Sorry ive gone on people its just i had to get it off my chest and alot of my family say she doesnt treat me right compared to how i treat her. What does it sound like to you? How do i tackle this? Any input will be greatly appreciated
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Sounds like she is taking advantage of you and all the nice things you DO for her. So, stop DOING those 'nice' things for her! She is now expecting it to happen all the time. Let her DO nice things for you abit. Dont' be so quick to be her 'driver' and lend her money, give her cigarettes. Back off abit, let her do her own thing. You should also spend time with your friends one on one and enjoy time apart. Learn to miss and appreciate eachother.
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I have a similar problem where my girlfriend is taking me for granted. Any views or what to do?
amerikajin Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 so she bought me a takeaway and some fags Careful there, mate - the reference to cigarettes is a bit confused on the other side of the pond. Anyhow, I think the thing to remember in any romance is that the relationship must generally be balanced. It cannot exist forever with one person having the leverage, which is what she has right now. She's the one with the walk-away power; she's more into this relationship than you are. Pull back a little bit - that'll accomplish two things: 1) You'll be taking back some of that leverage by showing that your interest level is sinking, and that she must respect you; 2) You're forcing her to take more responsibility in the relationship. If she's still doing this after you pull back, then you need to find a new girlfriend.
Author leeroy1985 Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Thanks for the advice people, ill give it a try! Well i did find out the truth behind the whole "her dads in so you cant come" thing.... They went shopping. So not only did she lie about her friends dad beng there so i couldn't come but she dropped me go shopping. If i had a pound for everytime my mates phoned me and asked me to go for a pint or a game of pool, and i said no because im doing something with my girlfriend, id be a millionaire! Would it be a good idea to get my own back by taking my mates up on some offers next time im 'supposed' to be with her or does revenge make things worse?
MadDog Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I have a similar problem where my girlfriend is taking me for granted. Any views or what to do? Easy one here. Get a new girlfriend. MD
MadDog Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 If i had a pound for everytime my mates phoned me and asked me to go for a pint or a game of pool, and i said no because im doing something with my girlfriend, id be a millionaire! Would it be a good idea to get my own back by taking my mates up on some offers next time im 'supposed' to be with her or does revenge make things worse? Yes dude, you should hang out with your friends not to get revenge on her but to get a little independent. It sounds like she doesn't mind doing her own thing every now and then and neither should you. It's actually healthy for the relationship. MD
amerikajin Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I wouldn't go out of the way to get revenge - there's no point in being in a relationship if you're just out to even the score. I definitely would make more time for friends, though. Hang out with them, and don't cancel plans to be with your girlfriend. And when you do arrange something , make sure she sticks to the plan. If she can't do that, she's not respecting you.
Author leeroy1985 Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 Well weve talked about it today, we're fine now and shes apologised and promised not to just dump me and go running whenever her friends want her to and im going to try and spend more time with my mates and gain some respect from her. Thanks for all your help!
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