WeaknPowerless Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Well, I wrote a month back or two about my ex and her dad having cancer. I got an email a few days ago; "Hi xxxxx. I hope you are doing good. I am not so well but I'm coping. My dad is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left. I have moved back to Calgary to be with him... I am feeling very sad about not having any pictures of him and I was hoping that if it's not too much trouble, you could burn my pictures onto a CD or 2 and send them to me. Please let me know if you can do this for me. I know you have a lot of bad feelings towards me and I am sorry for that but I really need those pictures..." Minus a very brief email about her dad, I haven't heard from her in nearly 4 long months, and she had not heard from me. I sent her what I had via email. I wrote nothing towards her, only about her dad. Very respectful as previously mentioned, I care(d) for him very much. She wrote back again asking for more things from me. I never responded. Nothing was really relevant in that email, only contact that I can't handle. I am sad for their family, sad myself even, and without getting into the details of what more then likely is going to happen, I feel for her. The path her life has taken and where it's going to lead, possibly permanantly, because of this untimely tragedy is not something she obviously would of planned. All of a sudden I get these damn feelings of wanting to be her shoulder again. I have this compasion for her, that even though she left me in a manner I wouldn't wish on anyone, her grand plans are now crumbling all around the tragedy of her dad. A bit of this is me assuming certain things, but again, without needing to get into the details, there are going to be a certain few facts and truths as to what is going to go on in her life here for awhile, and while I knew a few of these things would come in time, I assumed it would be me and her tackling it together. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say or express here to everyone, just that it's hard when something like this happens and I can't fool myself to act selfish (nor should I), but I am not a part of her life anymore and where she is going with her life now, is none of my business...at least until I can honestly say I am totally healed. I have no intention of contacting her. I know I can't handle it. I also do not wish to hear when her dad passes. I am mourning his loss in my own way, and do not need to be brought back into that family circle, even in the slightest way. It's hard as I miss all of them. I actually fear them asking me to prepare something for his service, as I am a designer that does/did work for their company (although I probably know it won't happen, I still fear having to say no). I know her life life is her own, and she's a grown woman, but how intimately I know her, and her makeup, I am worried...even when I was slighted and cheated for her to get herself ahead and what she might of had planned behind my back. Sorry, I'm sure this makes no sense, but the notepad wasn't enough for this one. I needed someone to hear it. Thanks for the patience.
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