riobikini Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 With the chemistry of simple physical attraction being given its due, here, (and put gently to the side, for now), -how soon after you begin dating should you talk about the expectations you are looking for from the relationship? I'll give a 'for instance': say you meet, really like each other, see each other a couple more times, begin actually dating, date for six months, progress to a year of dating. At what point within those time frames should you have discussed where it's all going? Bonus question(s): Do you think everything should just progress, perhaps, endlessly (some will say 'naturally') without a 'break' for discussion as to whether your relationship and life goals are the same? Do you think discussing the goals of a relationship hurt or help a relationship...or can it remain the 'same'? Do you really think the unspoken emphasis attached to such a discussion can have a fatal effect on the relationship due to just having it? Just asking. -Rio
jerbear Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I am a firm believer in communications even if it is obvious. (ok, do as I say not as I do from my past experiences) I had an ex tell me on the 3rd date she what she wanted and surprised as I was; I liked it, went along and let her have me. For me, it helped. Some of my friends it hurt them as it makes them predicatable. I said to friends that all my gf's, if it survives 3 months; I would give them a manual to me and they can ask me anything. Caveat is do remember who wrote the "manual", it is subject to revision at anytime. So yes I can be unpredictable at times.
mattea Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 i don't have an answer to you but i share many of your same questions! i'm in a similar place. does anyone else have perspectives, or perhaps experiences (good or bad) with having this kind of discussion?
SuperMonk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I would do it within 2-3 months of a new relationship. A guy's gotta know if you want kids/marriage/career goals, etc.
Walk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I think it's all in how you discuss it with someone. If you slam them in the head with "I want marriage and kids by the time I'm 30", then you're probably going to send them running. If you leave it general and theoretical, not specifically toward the two of you, then there's a better chance for both people to feel comfortable opening up about their feelings and beliefs. My bf and I discussed it early in the relationship, and continued it throughout. We revise some views, re-evaluate others. Nothing is set in stone for either of us and we try to keep an open mind on the future. I think it's important to know if the two of you are even heading in the same direction. If one wants marriage badly and the other never does, then it's a receipe for disaster. And for me, I like to get that out in the open early in the relationship. Personally, I think I'd introduce the topic at about the month mark. Bring it up in a non-threatening way that will allow the other person to feel secure in discussing their views.
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