Now, About Those Dreams You've Been Having...

[riobikini]

Recently, I have noticed a few threads and mentions embedded within posts regarding the dreams so many often have concerning an ex.

 

In recent correspondence to someone, I gave an answer -my own personal theory- as to why this may happen.

 

Here it is:

 

" I have a personal theory concerning the dreams we sometimes have, -I may post it in LS to see if it helps anyone, soon.

 

The theory is something that, in medical terms, is actually called 'ghost pain'.

 

Ghost pain happens like this: if someone loses a body part -a leg, for instance- he will sometimes swear he can still feel the leg ache, itch, or, in some way, feel its presence, as if it were still attached.

 

Now, we all know the leg is missing -we can see its gone- but our 'memory' aka our nerve pathways which have become familiar with that leg being there since it began growing right after conception, does not 'let go' of the memory of that leg so easily, and will keep remembering how it felt, still attached, possibly, forever.

 

That is a picture of how some of us will retain the memory of our greatest love, or the most painful heartbreaks experienced by 'letting' go of someone who was so much a part of us.

 

When we dream about our ex, its our subconscious refusing to accept the loss and reverting to the pathways of familiarity created by our emotions which do, in fact, have a clearly physical effect.

 

Thus the dreams."

 

Hope this, at least, gives a 'possible' on why we have those dreams....as well as letting the dreamer know that he/she is quite normal in having them.

 

Realize, though, -that with most people, they will sibside and disappear entirely with time.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[jerbear]

Interesting, my views on dreams is related to unresolved issues currently in our minds.

 

My dreams of the ex, have subsided for over 2 weeks, as in does not wake me up or keep me up. In my dreams, (funny in a way) I figured out what went wrong. Oh well... life goes on.

 

Some of my dreams actually do solve some of my problems and let me move on, once I was freaked out as in so vivid, in color, that I woke up next to her happy and said good morning sweetheart. I woke up screaming. Good thing it was a dream now. I can't imagine being married to her now for sure.

 

My take on dreams is the subconscious saying something. The subconscience brain can find things the conscience mind can not. Granted they are dreams and sometimes it should stay there.

 

Just my point of view.

[riobikini]

Jerbear, you always bring an interesting point of view to the table....

 

(Smile)

 

Like the phenomenon of 'ghost pain', these dreams can be quite vivid -'real'- and can cause immense emotional reaction(s) during your dream-state, such as a flood of tears which may wake you, -and can shake you up considerably.

 

Some people admit to experiencing orgasm due to the, often, very sexual nature of the dreams, however, this -if it occurs at all, will more likely happen in men (a break-up wet dream) than in women.

 

-Rio

[KittenMoon]

Ug- the dreams have been killing me lately.

 

Last night I dreamed I found out my ex had had two new gfs since the last time I saw him (about a week and a half ago) and had slept with one of them. I got very upset that he moved past me so quickly and ran away from him, threatening to kill myself, then proceeded to slash my wrists to try to get his attention. Did he care? No.

 

I woke up with my head hurting from being so tense. It still aches.

 

There has been a common element to all my dreams about him- he never listens to anything I'm trying to say to him. The night before last it was a dream about him taking me back, but refusing to listen at all when I said I wasn't sure I wanted to be back with him. Funny, huh? I had one a few weeks ago where he came over and I tried to talk to him and he wouldn't listen, so I started beating the heck out of him with a stick or something, and he still didn't give a damn about what I was saying.

 

And honestly? The fact that he doesn't listen to and doesn't understand the things I say in my dreams is not a far throw from reality.

 

 

And just on a fun and embarassing note- I've totally had orgasms in dreams and I'm a girl. I'd much rather be having those dreams right now.

[RecordProducer]

Very nice theory! Good job, Rio! (hope it doesn't sound too narcissistic when I "approve" it... I rather LIKE your theory. )

 

I believe that all our dreams consist of either desires or fears - two opposite emotions related to the future. However, most of our dreams are related to our pasts. Symbolics is what our minds use while dreaming, because the brain is not conscious and therefore not able to create a full fantasy that makes sense from the beginning to the end.

 

Your ex can symbolize a part of you that you want to bring back or forget. For example, I once dreamt that I kissed a famous pop star whom I totally don't fancy; the dream was probably related to my goals in the music industry. I can even analyze it deeper, but it's not that important for this post.

 

What I am saying is that if you dream of your ex whom you don't love anymore, think about what that period of time (or the ex-lover himself) meant to you.

 

I had a dream about my ex-husband right before I married my current husband. We were at an amusement park with the kids and we were very friendly to each other. I had a feeling that he wanted to have some kind of romance with me (in the dream), but I was hoping that I was wrong, although it felt good...

 

If you don't know my situation at the time, you could never guess what that dream means. At the time I wanted to move out of the country with the kids and my ex-husband was against it. I knew I would make it without his approval though. I am strongly convinced that if a man loves the woman, he will love her children. I guess in the dream the romance with me meant love for the children. I believed and wanted to believe that he wanted to keep the children out of spite, not because he loved them so much (after all, he dumped us when they were 2 years old!). It felt good because I do want him to love them, but I was hoping that I wasn't just taking his kids away from their dad and that I wasn't going to break his heart (I as a mom know how I would feel). in other words, I was hoping that my ex wouldn't suffer so much if I take the children away from him.

 

That's how I see my dream.

[riobikini]

There's no narcissism in you, RP...just a healthy self-image and good common sense.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[blind_otter]

I was wondering about a person who has been appearing in my dreams, never as a central character, someone I pass by --

 

It's an ex roommate of mine, who I kicked out for many reasons including her cocaine problem. She called me once claimed to be trying to get sober but I found out she was lying and she has since disappeared because she inherited a large sum of money.

 

I keep seeing her in my dreams, sitting on the ground -- a total crack head with open sores on her body and no teeth. In my dream I feel sad for her but I do not stop walking.

[KittenMoon]

I've always thought that the symbolism in one's dreams is locked in that persons feeling about a particular symbol.

 

Like if you are afraid of fire, in your dream fire is a fear or something scary and destructive. But if you think of fire as passionate and powerful, it would mean something closer to that to you.

 

So I always ask this question about something in a dream: What does that particular thing mean to me? What feelings or thoughts does it stimulate?

[CaliGuy]

I'm beginning to believe dreams about Ex's are only because you miss them, not because they mean something good or bad. Just that you're thinking about them, the stress/anxiety you feel all gets into your subconcious and you dream silly things about them.

 

The dream of me and my ex in the white truck....probably just because I used to own a white truck and I was thinking of her.

[blind_otter]

I definately don't miss my exroomate. Off to start another thread.

[jerbear]

I keep getting recurring dreams of me standing and looking out of a window at the night skyline of the city on a pretty high floor. Just tonight and last few days, once about 8 years ago and over 10 years ago; a few times.

 

The past dreams was just a woman with no details, asking me what is on my mind and asking me to come back to bed.

 

Really weird this time is that there are more details to the woman in teddy or something, non-asian, older, dark haired (brunette, dirty blonde, or red); came up beside me, put her arms around me, asked what is on my mind. I reply to her, "I think we have made it, never expected more than this." She then said she missed me in bed, grabbed my hand, and asked me to come back to bed. I kissed her and told her to give me a moment. Went back to bed to join her.

 

Oh well... weird dreams.

[hurtbeyondwords]

I keep getting recurring dreams of me standing and looking out of a window at the night skyline of the city on a pretty high floor. Just tonight and last few days, once about 8 years ago and over 10 years ago; a few times.

 

The past dreams was just a woman with no details, asking me what is on my mind and asking me to come back to bed.

 

Really weird this time is that there are more details to the woman in teddy or something, non-asian, older, dark haired (brunette, dirty blonde, or red); came up beside me, put her arms around me, asked what is on my mind. I reply to her, "I think we have made it, never expected more than this." She then said she missed me in bed, grabbed my hand, and asked me to come back to bed. I kissed her and told her to give me a moment. Went back to bed to join her.

 

Oh well... weird dreams.

 

I like that dream. Sounds like an ending to a movie.

[chocolate_boy]

Well I'm bit angry to say I've had two dreams about my most recent ex, and I've been single now for six months. I do think I'm over her pretty much 100%, however had two dreams this week, one I remember quite vividly...

 

I was in a friends house with a few people, think it was like a house party or something, I was with an ex from many years ago! And then I see my most recent ex curled up in a chair and she's crying, so I walk over to her and talk to her, and she's really upset as a family member is ill and I stayed with her til she stopped crying, then realised how much I was still mad at her, but stayed with her anyway til she calmed down.

 

I also dreamt about her last night, I don't remember what exactly, but she was in my dream.

 

Wonder why I'm having these dreams now!! I can't say I've dreamt about her since last October til now, and I've been in NC since before xmas.

[Bellona]

I haven't spoken with my ex in almost 4 weeks.

 

I haven't dreamed of him much, but God knows I think about him a lot during the day because it was an extremely bad break-up.

 

He wanted to keep in touch, told me to call him or e-mail him whenever I want to because things are gonna be difficult for both of us. However, he had just let the relationship go, my feelings were still intact, and I didn't want to call him and prolong those feelings if he didn't have time for a real relationship.

 

I've actually dreamed about an ex before him more, because he recently cut contact with me because our feelings for each other are unfair to new SOs.

[patwheel]

I've had dreams about my ex also.

 

A bit about me, almost 3 yrs, 7 months since break up, NC ever since.

 

When we started going out, she had a panic attack, and went to the ER, and I met her there and stayed with her while she was there overnight.

 

Now onto the dream...I usually never remember ay of my dream, which is why this is pretty weird.

I get a phone call from one of the common friend, who tells me that my ex has been in an accident and that she has asked to see me. Without any emotions, I reply, "where?". He proceeds to tell me, and I head there, calmly, as if I was going anywhere else, without any emotions at all. As I enter the hospital, and ask the receptionist, a guy approaches me, her boyfriend(in real life, I have no idea if she does have one, and if she does I have no idea who), who tells me that she is ok. I quickly dismiss him, and follow the nurse. I see her, she starts crying, tells me shes sorry, and I hold her in my arms, as she keeps crying. She then tells me shes pregnant from that guy, and then I wake up.

 

This is not only disturbing, but messes with my head. 7 months NC, and I have no desire to contact her or have anything to do with her. But twice the same dream, maybe my subconscious is telling me something.

 

Im just hoping that im not a psychic and that this dream is not prophetic!

[Whitt]

Recently, I have noticed a few threads and mentions embedded within posts regarding the dreams so many often have concerning an ex.

 

In recent correspondence to someone, I gave an answer -my own personal theory- as to why this may happen.

 

Here it is:

 

 

 

Hope this, at least, gives a 'possible' on why we have those dreams....as well as letting the dreamer know that he/she is quite normal in having them.

 

Realize, though, -that with most people, they will sibside and disappear entirely with time.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

 

I was researching this on the net the other day and found that most experts state exactly the same thing. I think this is an excellent explanation.

[shelters]

Some people admit to experiencing orgasm due to the, often, very sexual nature of the dreams, however, this -if it occurs at all, will more likely happen in men (a break-up wet dream) than in women.

 

-Rio

 

 

I have those minimum once a week. I think I need a nap.

[riobikini]

Whitt...I don't know what the 'experts' say (they're interesting enough, -but I don't have much in common with t hem)...but I do want to add something.

 

The 'something' is this: Just remember that these nerve pathways I was referring to, are sooooo involved with, -and reactive to- specific normal hormone production in a casual normal not-in-love state...during an 'in-love' state certains hormones increase in production....and because those hormones still remain in our system immediately (and for some time) after a breakup and/or the 'letting go' process, most of us are like maniacal, incoherant addicts coming off a powerful drug we believe that we just can't live without.

 

Make sense?

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[KittenMoon]

Whitt...I don't know what the 'experts' say (they're interesting enough, -but I don't have much in common with t hem)...but I do want to add something.

 

The 'something' is this: Just remember that these nerve pathways I was referring to, are sooooo involved with, -and reactive to- specific normal hormone production in a casual normal not-in-love state...during an 'in-love' state certains hormones increase in production....and because those hormones still remain in our system immediately (and for some time) after a breakup and/or the 'letting go' process, most of us are like maniacal, incoherant addicts coming off a powerful drug we believe that we just can't live without.

 

Make sense?

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

 

I wonder if, based on the above, there is a way to flush those pathways of that hormone production. If anyone's like me, I think of the ex pretty 24/7 no matter how hard i try. I wonder if we meditated on a specific thing totally unrelated to that "in love" state (a childhood memory, a totally platonic friendship, an artichoke, whatever!) for a little while each day, if that could help "flush" the hormones. Or better yet, replace your thoughts of the ex with an artichoke (well, actually not for me because I actually associate him strongly with artichokes now that I think of it...) every time you think of them, could that help flush things.

 

Just some thoughts. Maybe I will try it.

[riobikini]

re:

 

KittenMoon: " I wonder if, based on the above, there is a way to flush those pathways of that hormone production."

 

The best 'medicine' for assisting the clearance of those hormones is what myself, as well as alot of other well-meaning, intelligent, sincere, and compassionate folks have been telling all these broken-hearted people all along: (really, now, -and we're not jerking you around...) the thing to do is begin by removing the reminders, (pics, email, cards, teddy bears), and replace as much activity in your life as possible with new stuff to do, new people to learn about, and dig around inside *yourself* to find out as much as you can about what makes you tick,( i.e. develop more quality in your life by discovering *your* personal, individual value and by solving long-standing problems or conflicts with yourself ....this will equal a certain degree of self-respect, confidence...and self-appreciation that you may not have had before.)

 

One of the 'biggies' is to *stay physically active*, i.e. jog, run, walk, play tennis, racquetball, *something* to really work up a sweat on a daily basis. (The other *primary* and *essential* 'biggie' is 'NC', of course).

 

Next, multi-dimensional interests.

 

*Get interested in something.* Something besides the ex, that is.

 

Give your mind as much deliberately directed focus as possible with several different 'projects'. We're (I'm) not talking about running away from your problems, -I'm actually talking about meeting them head-on, dealing fiercely and (point-blank) honestly with them, but it's important to have a few 'fun' and interesting breaks, too.

 

Remember that a good physical (workout) activity is good *after* each encounter with the return of thoughts and memories, as well as *before*, (that is) if you've scheduled a 'sit-down' 'talk' with yourself about your break-up situation, or have a scheduled meeting with your counselor.

 

This little mini-review summarizes what your basic goals should be, which aid in the recovery of a broken heart.... and don't forget that *time* is the other 'medicine' you need to administer to yourself. (Smile)

 

This is the same stuff I've been saying, -said here, again, for anyone who might just have one of those moments during reading it, where the 'light-bulb' just suddenly goes 'on'.

 

It works.

 

(Smile)

 

Take Care.

 

-Rio