sick of it Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Have you ever been asked out on a date or for your number while you were in a relationship? what was your reaction to the person who asked you? how did you feel about that person after and how did they act towards you?
LisoPiso Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I always just politely decline and let them know i'm currently seeing someone. Ever notice, as soon as you start dating someone, that's when you get noticed the most. When it rains, it pours!
Walk Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I usually try to interject that I have a boyfriend somewhere into the conversation before it gets to that point. But the times I've been asked out while in a relationship, I just explain that I'm in a happy relationship. what was your reaction to the person who asked you? Usually surprise and embarresment first. I explain that I'm seeing someone as gently as possible without leaving any possibility for an opening that the guy might mistake as an invitation. But it usually makes me feel really great that I'm still attractive enough to catch someones attention. how did you feel about that person after and how did they act towards you? Depending on how the guy acts, I don't see a reason to act differently toward him. There's always the ones who don't quit harrassing you, but if it's a decent regular guy, then I treat them like I would like to be treated. Fairly and politely. On the flip side... Some guys I used to be acquaintences with until they asked me out, and after I said no they stopped talking to me completely. Some guys have gotten mean after I explain I'm seeing someone. Some guys won't take no for an answer. And some guys act like you just killed their mother. That's why I start mentioning bf often and early, as soon as I think he may be headed in that direction. And I've found many men either don't believe me, or don't care that I'm dating someone or not. *shrug* So sometimes I come off as rude, but I don't want to be stalked or badgered just because some guy liked my "eyes" or something. Why do you ask this?
IWalkAlone Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 When I strike up conversations with women I don't know in bars, coffee houses, supermarkets, etc., it seems like 9 out 10 times they'll mention a boyfriend. I'm usually polite after that, but it's frustrating sometimes when I've spent 15 or 20 minutes talking to a girl, building up my confidence enought to ask for a number or suggest meeting later for happy hour or coffee, only to be told "I have a boyfriend!" I feel like I've wasted 20 minutes of my life talking to them. It seems unlikely that available women are so rare where I live, but if these women are telling the truth, then it is. Do women sometimes say "I have a BF" when they don't, but just aren't interested in a guy? I suspect that's the case. If that's true, then you shouldn't be suprised when guys aren't sure you're telling the truth. I hate that women think that lying "avoids hurt feelings," when the fact that women who lie are more hurtful than women who tell the truth even it's not what I want to hear.
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Have you ever been asked out on a date or for your number while you were in a relationship? what was your reaction to the person who asked you? how did you feel about that person after and how did they act towards you? A guy asked me out and wasn't aware I was with someone. He and I on occasion would bump into eachother at work, go for a coffee and a smoke. I didn't see it coming ... Later that day he called me from his work area and asked if I'd like to go to dinner. I told him I was seeing someone, but thanks for asking anyway. He was embarressed, I could tell. It was afew weeks before he spoke to me again and when he did, it didn't come up in conversation. I never told anybody I worked with that he asked me out. He was a good person and even more so, on a work level I really respected him, so telling people and starting gossip wouldn't have been a good thing. Honestly, I was flattered. It made me feel good to know that someone else out there found me attractive and wanted to ask me out. I think him finding out HOW long I'd been with my hubby and him not knowing made him feel abit foolish as if he had known, he obviously would not have asked.
MusicWoman Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I get asked out a lot. Well, yelled out? The thing is..when you live in NYC, especially in the summer, you have guys yelling out 'mamasita!!!' to you all the time. Saying 'hey mami!! let me take you out'. Its crazy...and it starts to get really annoying when the same 60 year old guy says this every morning too when i'm walking down the street. I need to start carrying rocks to hit people with....
MadDog Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 When I strike up conversations with women I don't know in bars, coffee houses, supermarkets, etc., it seems like 9 out 10 times they'll mention a boyfriend. I'm usually polite after that, but it's frustrating sometimes when I've spent 15 or 20 minutes talking to a girl, building up my confidence enought to ask for a number or suggest meeting later for happy hour or coffee, only to be told "I have a boyfriend!" I feel like I've wasted 20 minutes of my life talking to them. Well if you have to "build up your confidence" to ask for a number, it probably wasn't a waste that you spend those 15-20 minutes talking to a girl you find attractive. You probably needed the practice anyway. Try to think of it that way. MD
Author sick of it Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Why do you ask this? Because im thinking of finally overcoming my fear of starting to date again and theres this girl ive had my eye on who i dont really know. but id like to know what to expect. after everything thats happened to me over the past 10 months, i dont want anymore surprises.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 hahah I have alter ego's when I go out. I'm either shirly from alabama (My alabama accent is awesome) or Angelica from England. When they ask me for my # i give them the reject hotline # 1-202-452-7486 (which by the way I think you should call) FUNNIEST THING EVER!!! So i guess you can say I play with them...My fiance gets a kick out of it. Either that...or I say "Give me YOUR number, and If I'm interested I'll call you" So he doesn't have my #. I can't say no to people.
chryssy83 Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Here's a thought... Stop talking to women for the purpose of finding a woman to go out with. Try focusing on learning about people, enjoying time with them, etc. I can't tell you how I would feel if I was dating a guy and found out that if I had told him I had a boyfriend when we first met he would have considered talking with me a "waste of 20 minutes." How valuable is your time anyway!?!?!?! I was always really turned off by guys who appeared to be talking to me only because they wanted something later. Kind of like going on a first date and then hearing later that since you didn't sleep with the guy he told someone it was a "waste of money" taking you to dinner.
bluetuesday Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Here's a thought... Stop talking to women for the purpose of finding a woman to go out with. Try focusing on learning about people, enjoying time with them, etc. I can't tell you how I would feel if I was dating a guy and found out that if I had told him I had a boyfriend when we first met he would have considered talking with me a "waste of 20 minutes." How valuable is your time anyway!?!?!?! I was always really turned off by guys who appeared to be talking to me only because they wanted something later. Kind of like going on a first date and then hearing later that since you didn't sleep with the guy he told someone it was a "waste of money" taking you to dinner. word. Do women sometimes say "I have a BF" when they don't, but just aren't interested in a guy? yes, we do. I hate that women think that lying "avoids hurt feelings," when the fact that women who lie are more hurtful than women who tell the truth even it's not what I want to hear. 'i have a boyfriend' isn't kinder than 'i find you unattractive/boring/creepy'? i suspect that if you talked to a woman for 20 minutes, asked for her number and she said 'i'd rather not' and you asked if she was already with someone and got the reply 'no, i just don't like you' you'd be rather hurt. you wouldn't respect her for her honesty. everyone tells little white lies. everyone. if you don't, you're an idiot with few friends. there's a vast difference between telling an untruth to protect someone's feelings and being a lying beeyach who stamps on hearts for kicks.
Pyro Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 hahah I have alter ego's when I go out. I'm either shirly from alabama (My alabama accent is awesome) or Angelica from England. When they ask me for my # i give them the reject hotline # 1-202-452-7486 (which by the way I think you should call) FUNNIEST THING EVER!!! So i guess you can say I play with them...My fiance gets a kick out of it. Either that...or I say "Give me YOUR number, and If I'm interested I'll call you" So he doesn't have my #. I can't say no to people. 248-262-6861. Try this number as well. It might even be the same thing as IHNFC's #.
Walk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Because im thinking of finally overcoming my fear of starting to date again and theres this girl ive had my eye on who i dont really know. but id like to know what to expect. after everything thats happened to me over the past 10 months, i dont want anymore surprises. Chances are she may say no... If you ask, you have a 50/50 chance of her saying yes. If you don't ask, you have a 100% chance of never going out with her. I hate living with regret, so I try to avoid it at all costs. If it means losing a little face once in a while by asking someone out who will probably tell me no, then so be it. But I'd rather take the chance and know I tried, then to know I was too scared. I want to be someone courageous. Some one I can admire. And I can't if I let fear rule my life.
Walk Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I had a guy ask me out when I'd first started a serious relationshiop, and I had to tell him that I had just started dating someone seriously and wanted to see where it was headed. I felt horrible for rejecting the guy. He was a really great guy and I know he didn't take it well. He didn't talk to me for a few weeks, and now when I see him he acts weird. But I never thought he was foolish, or anything. I was flattered. I've never thought a guy foolish for sticking his neck out and risking rejection. And it's never been my intent to make him feel foolish.
IWalkAlone Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Here's a thought... Stop talking to women for the purpose of finding a woman to go out with. How do I find women to go out with if I don't talk to women? I was always really turned off by guys who appeared to be talking to me only because they wanted something later. Kind of like going on a first date and then hearing later that since you didn't sleep with the guy he told someone it was a "waste of money" taking you to dinner. If a romantic/sexual relationship is missing in my life, then I need to take steps to create it. If I don't want something, I'm not going to go out of my way to seek it. I hate the advice "stop looking and you'll find it," because when I'm really not looking, I'm at home watching DVDs (and since Netflix, I won't meet anyone at the video store), or going out with friends, which consists of guys and a few of their wives/GFs. Not many possibilities in either place.
IWalkAlone Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 'i have a boyfriend' isn't kinder than 'i find you unattractive/boring/creepy'? Not if she starts dating someone I know two weeks later (this has happened). She doesn't have to tell me I'm unattractive/boring/creepy. She could say that she doesn't comfortable doing that, or that she doesn't feel the right connection, or just that she's rather not. All are honest. i suspect that if you talked to a woman for 20 minutes, asked for her number and she said 'i'd rather not' and you asked if she was already with someone and got the reply 'no, i just don't like you' you'd be rather hurt. you wouldn't respect her for her honesty. "I don't like you" is kind of rude, but if she said "I don't feel attracted to you in that way," or "I'm not sensing the right chemistry" I would respect her honesty. everyone tells little white lies. everyone. if you don't, you're an idiot with few friends. there's a vast difference between telling an untruth to protect someone's feelings and being a lying beeyach who stamps on hearts for kicks. I don't consider this to be the same catagory.
sweetie7 Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 When I strike up conversations with women I don't know in bars, coffee houses, supermarkets, etc., it seems like 9 out 10 times they'll mention a boyfriend. I hate the fact that I can't go out and have a good talk to me if I have a boyfriend! And if I automatically tell him I have a bf then it's like "Ohh so what? I'm not hitting on you or anything; can't I just talk to you" But if I don't tell him then I'm leading him on! Grrr, therefore, I can't go out with my single friends bc they'll all be talking to guys and I'll be all alone.
Mary3 Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 That first number I dialed said it was Walmart , lol !
krispie Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 I always just politely decline and let them know i'm currently seeing someone. Ever notice, as soon as you start dating someone, that's when you get noticed the most. When it rains, it pours! Ahhhhhh. This is so true. You might not even being seeing someone either. There was a rumour that I got a boyfriend at school and suddenly a lot of guys started to notice me. >________< The truth is that I don't even have a boyfriend atm! lol
2sunny Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 I answered with "you are very kind and I am very flattered, but I am married"..... Never with any indication that they should feel embarrassed.
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