Audry8654 Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I posted this thread as a guest, but it is not showing up so I am thinking it did not take. Might as well register I guess. SO here goes.. I have been the OW for around 6 months now. It all started out so small, now I feel things are just getting out of control. Yesterday I get a call from my MM telling me that his wife found a text mesg from me in his phone that read "Ok sweetheart" He has me under a male friend's name in his phone, but she is no idiot. He is the idiot. And to complicate things even further, his office manager has taken it upon herself to be the "mother hen" in this whole situation. She confronted him the other day and said that she found his credit card bill with hotel charges on it, as well as emails that he did not delete between him and I. She has not threatened to tell the wife yet, but she is close. She is pretty much secretley in love with him. She has confronted him several times and each time I tell him he needs to be more careful and not leave emails even in his deleted inbox and to not leave evidence lying around the office such as his corporate credit card bill. And when she confronted him last week for the umpteenth time, she said she had a dream that she strangled me... I told him that disturbs me and all he did was laugh. I feel like this is just so much stress I cannot bear it. And whats worse, I have become somewhat financially dependent on him which just kills me that I have done this to myself. I have confronted him several times that we need to cool things down and he insists that there is nothing wrong and he will not get caught, blah blah blah...Then, he gets like hurt because I am trying to end things. Why am I the one being sensible here? HE is the married one! With each passing day, I feel like I am a part of a sick individual's twisted reality. I really want/need to end things. Any suggestions???
Blind Illusion Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Hi, Audry, good to "meet" you. I wish I had any real suggestions but I don't. Maybe, if you can, gradually become less financially dependent on him so you aren't holding on to the relationship for that reason too. That office manager seems like a nightmare waiting to happen....I don't envy you, there. I'm also thinking that his wife knows more than that but hasn't acted for reasons of her own. The fact that she was looking over his cell phone certainly speaks volumes. I know I am not giving any practical advice here but I did want to say, "Welcome"
Owl Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Please bear in mind I'm NOT attacking you or your situation...just posting based off of what I've seen and learned from what I've gone through. MANY MM/MW who get involved in an affair get 'caught' the way he has. It's pretty common, and honestly it's normally a sign that they're trying to give up the affair. Sometimes it's because they're simply too lazy to cover their tracks...but what you describe sounds more like he's wanting to get caught...because it's likely to end the affair. Why risk it? Any relationship with this guy is GOING to get caught and made public knowledge...probably sooner rather than later. I'd say either make it public knowledge yourself and see how he responds, or end it before it gets that way in its own.
Author Audry8654 Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 Thank you for the welcome! I have been limited as to the friends I have told about this A, and the two I have chosen to tell are sick of hearing about it at this point. This is going to sound cold and calcuting, but I believe I am going to do as you say, become less and less financially dependent on him, and then I am going to cut things loose. I cannot do this anymore, he is careless when it comes to details and I do not want to be around when this whole thing bursts into flames. I also believe he does not tell me more about things going on with his W because I will want out as I do now. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hear every detail, but, its my past experience from the relationships I have been in that if I was to find something like that on my BF's phone, I would be climbing the walls and would assume the worst. It is very hard for me to believe him when he says everything is fine. I guess my bubble has just burst. I know its weird, but despite the fact that he was a married man having an A, I always thought him to be a great man. Now he is just coming across as sick in the head. What started out as something fun, has now turned into a complicated, ugly mess.
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