starlight2025 Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 What is the best way for me to tell my girlfriend that I don't want to have sex with her or kiss her or spend the night with her for awhile? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I do want to take a break from all that stuff and just hug and hold hands. I don't want to give her the wrong impression. I have no intentions or desire to sleep with anyone else during this fasting period of sexual contact. I just want us to slow down because we broke up 7 months ago but we got back together 4.5 months ago. She did the breaking up and wanted to try again last november. We've been back together ever since. I read several articles about how second chances usually fail after the 1st 6 months. As you can see I'm very close to that 6 month deadline.
Lishy Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Oh stop being so daft and reading too much crap about blah blah blah! Why do you want to stop having sex, did a book tell you to? If you dont want sex with her because you dont fancy her then dont tell her that, just break it off! If you want to stop having sex because a book told you so then I hope the book told you she will take that personal and finish with you anyway!
carmaenforcer Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Good one Lishy! I completely agree with you on this. starlight2025, are you a female your self? If you do not want to disclose you don't have to and I mean no disrespect if you are indeed male, it just seems a strange thing for a male to do. If you know women at all you should know that only they can stop sex at anytime with out expecting any question about it. If us guys do it, there must be something wrong with us, "what are you gay" is the most common defensive reaction question. Us possibly not wanting to do it with them because we are disgusted by their very sight because of the way the treat us or something they've done that we can't get over, does not even cross their minds. You do what you want with your body, whatever your reasons you have the right to do it. Do be aware that she will most likely leave you or try to hurt you in some way, so just be prepared.
too unreal Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I am sure a couple of women on here (myself included) would be extremely curious as to why you want to stop having sex with your girlfriend. Some of us lately have been posting and really curious as to why our BF's have stopped being intimate with us. Your insight would be appreciated, maybe we can put a new spin on this situation instead of it always being about our BF'S "getting some" on the side..... and to other men out there, if you have refrained from sex and it wasnt due to health or cheating reasons, why???!! carmaenforcer and Lishy are right however, your GF is going to become extremely uncomfortable with you wanting to stop having sex......She is immediately going to assume that she isnt sexy enough for you, that you arent attracted to her, and that you found someone new....Seems to me, with you both being close to that 6 month deadline, you would be doing all you could to prove you loved her (if you do) so you can stay together, not pulling away from her..... can you please explain why you are feeling this way??
prfrogkisser Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 If you like her and want to be with her why by any means you dont want to express how you feel during your love making?. You must be going through some issues in order to stop having sex with her. Reach inside your heart and dont lie to her or yourself. When a man really likes someone he doesnt stop having sex. Actually i believe he will do it a lot more. Men are sexually driven. I think you are having doubts about your relationship or just insecure. Dont blame it on books or statistics. All human beings are unique and we all behave differently. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend. Remember... dont expect her to wait around for you when you finally come to your senses. There might not be any more chances:eek:
catgirl1927 Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I have to say that, as a woman, if my BF came to me and said he wanted to take a "break" from sex, I would assume he found me physically repulsive and was probably seeing someone else, and I would break it off immediately. I would also assume that he wants to break up but lacks the sack to actually DO it, so he's trying to get me to do it. That's just me.
Author starlight2025 Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 I have to say that, as a woman, if my BF came to me and said he wanted to take a "break" from sex, I would assume he found me physically repulsive and was probably seeing someone else, and I would break it off immediately. I would also assume that he wants to break up but lacks the sack to actually DO it, so he's trying to get me to do it. That's just me. Well if she does break it off with me just becuz I wanted a break from sex then I would finally get the answer to my question as to her motives for coming back to me in the 1st place. Right now I have no way of knowing if she came back because she really loves me or if she's using me. I can't be certain. But if she dumps me in response to my request for a break then I'll have my answer. I will know that she was just using me for sex and only after that one thing. The way I see it since she was the dumper she should take more of an initative role this time around. She has to prove to me that she means business about wanting to continue the relationship. She has to prove to me that she wants me and isn't just using me. She could very well dump me at the 6 month deadline whether I request a break from sex or not. I'm learning to be catious during a 2nd chance with an ex. I'm not convinced that she wants me. I have been letting her initiate most of the calls, dates, & physical contact. As to the reasons why I want to break off sexual contact. Well because I feel like I'm giving away part of my soul each time I sleep with her. There is a risk that she just wants to steal my soul. Aside from the fact that I'm feeling depressed and contemplating committing suicide by poisoning one of my drinks with antifreeze.. She doesn't know that I'm feeling like this and I intend to keep it that way. She doesn't know that I have an unforgiving spirit toward her for dumping me in the past.
Author starlight2025 Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Good one Lishy! I completely agree with you on this. starlight2025, are you a female your self? If you do not want to disclose you don't have to and I mean no disrespect if you are indeed male, it just seems a strange thing for a male to do. If you know women at all you should know that only they can stop sex at anytime with out expecting any question about it. If us guys do it, there must be something wrong with us, "what are you gay" is the most common defensive reaction question. Us possibly not wanting to do it with them because we are disgusted by their very sight because of the way the treat us or something they've done that we can't get over, does not even cross their minds. You do what you want with your body, whatever your reasons you have the right to do it. Do be aware that she will most likely leave you or try to hurt you in some way, so just be prepared. I am a male in my mid 20s
Curmudgeon Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Well, you've certainly conditioned being with her on a number of factors, none of which say anything about love or respect. What I read is anger, resentment and control. Why not do the right thing and just make a clean break of it? Both of you might respect you more for it.
Author starlight2025 Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Well, you've certainly conditioned being with her on a number of factors, none of which say anything about love or respect. What I read is anger, resentment and control. Why not do the right thing and just make a clean break of it? Both of you might respect you more for it.[/ quote] Because I don't believe sex is the end all be all of a relationship. There's other ways of showing my love besides sex. There's other aspects of the relationship that I enjoy. I love taking her out to dinner. I love taking her to picnics and playing pool, etc. If she dumps me because she can't respect my decision to cut out the sex for awhile then that means she only wants me for sex. That means sex is more important to her than the man she's doing it with. Maybe she doesn't care who she sleeps with as long as she does it. I have already proven that I wanted to continue the relationship by taking her back. Now she has to be the one to convince me that I'm wanted.
Curmudgeon Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 A relationship should neither be a test nor predicated upon one. I think you're making a lot of assumptions about her and her motives, and none of them kind. That's a lose-lose scenario if ever there was one. What's left to save?
climbergirl Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Well, you've certainly conditioned being with her on a number of factors, none of which say anything about love or respect. What I read is anger, resentment and control. Why not do the right thing and just make a clean break of it? Both of you might respect you more for it.[/ quote] Because I don't believe sex is the end all be all of a relationship. There's other ways of showing my love besides sex. There's other aspects of the relationship that I enjoy. I love taking her out to dinner. I love taking her to picnics and playing pool, etc. If she dumps me because she can't respect my decision to cut out the sex for awhile then that means she only wants me for sex. That means sex is more important to her than the man she's doing it with. Maybe she doesn't care who she sleeps with as long as she does it. I have already proven that I wanted to continue the relationship by taking her back. Now she has to be the one to convince me that I'm wanted. Bulls***. That's a pretty defeatist way of looking at it. Is there something else that you aren't telling? Women aren't wired (generally) like you are saying. Most women won't 'get back together' with you-(esp. for 4.5 months) for the sole purpose of having sex. There's a pretty big market for non-committal sex if we so choose. 4.5 months is a long time to be having the theoretical 'one night stand'. My bf and I would have sex far above the average norm-thank god he didn't question my sex drive and cut me off thinking I was using him. That would devastate a woman--she'd feel cut off physically and emotionally. Are you sure there isn't something else you're not telling us?
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