NotSoSure Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Hi! I am new to this board but I have been reading alot of the other posts. I am in a situation (or at least I am not sure). There is a MM at my job who flirts with me. It stared about a year ago and just little things here and there have brought up my attention as to the way he draws himself to me. Actually, we kind of both draw ourseles to one another. There is definately a chemistry between the 2 of us if anything at all. Our eyes always lock and he's always looking at me. Always drops what he does once he sees me. Emails me (but usually only friendly). I knew he was married so I quit talking to him cold-turkey but after 3 months just out of no where I recieve an email from him asking me how everything is going. I told him it was noce to hear from him again and he says that email is the only way he can talk to me coz I am never around anymore. So, I kind of blew him off again and other times after that hoping that he would get the hint. After a few weeks he and his buddy at work (who is also married) invited me to go out with them for a few drinks. Both of their wives also work together. The one who is pursuing me said that we "owed" each other a drink for our b-days that had passed all ready. I didn't go out but I asked him the following monday how it was going out on the weekend. He said "where were you? I was going to buy you a drink for your b-day." Then he said he was just kidding, he didn't actually go out. But then his friend joined in on the conversation and said that we should all go out one night. I said ok... then the friend said... "good! And don't worry, Steve (the one pursuing me) will let you know when." So, even though I have been trying to get rid of the demons that draw me to him, and I have been trying to fight the urge to cross the line with him... am I digging a hole for myself? If we do all go out for a drink... even though it may be nothing more going on than drinking... am I still crossing the line??? After all the attempts to get him to leave me alone, I am finding him more attractive because he really seems to be into me (or at least wants to get "into" me). His pursuing me is just making me go nuts over him! I can't fight the feeling.... it is starting to become painful! Do u think he's doing this just to be "friends"? or do you think he wants more? And also... why is his friend stepping in??? Shouldn't he be stopping his friend from doing this coz he's married? Or do guys actually encourage their buddies to have affairs?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 Hello! Do u think he's doing this just to be "friends"? or do you think he wants more? He wants more. And also... why is his friend stepping in??? Shouldn't he be stopping his friend from doing this coz he's married? Or do guys actually encourage their buddies to have affairs? It depends on the kinds of "friends" he has. Real friends would definitely discourage him from starting an affair. But I find it also telling that his friends are encouraging the affair - his friends are scumbags and so is he. Sorry for the harsh words. I think that you need to steer away from this MM. He sounds like the most typical MM there is in this forum. Sorry to say this, but he wants a side dish from you - that's all.
Aaurora Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 I think he wants more from you than just friends. It seems pretty obvious to me that he is attracted to you and it seems his friend seems to know of his feelings towards you. Why don't you talk to his friend in private and ask him if he knows anything about this guys intentions/feelings towards you? It is clearly up to you if you would like to get to know this guy better, but as for the many OW's on this board who have been through it, many of us have come out at the end with a broken heart. Is it worth it?
Blind Illusion Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 You might want to think carefully before plunging on this one. I think most affairs start out in friends mode first. (Let's face it, inviting someone to a hotel room the first time around would be awfully crude) I'll give this friend though every benefit of the doubt and say that is drink offer is sincere and without additional motive. Maybe he does want friendship at this point. My point is that things like this start innocent and often turn less so over time. Sometimes, you aren't even aware of this happening. I speak from experience. Six years worth of experience.
MsCalisun66 Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 So, even though I have been trying to get rid of the demons that draw me to him, and I have been trying to fight the urge to cross the line with him... am I digging a hole for myself? If we do all go out for a drink... even though it may be nothing more going on than drinking... am I still crossing the line??? After all the attempts to get him to leave me alone, I am finding him more attractive because he really seems to be into me (or at least wants to get "into" me). His pursuing me is just making me go nuts over him! I can't fight the feeling.... it is starting to become painful! Do u think he's doing this just to be "friends"? or do you think he wants more? And also... why is his friend stepping in??? Shouldn't he be stopping his friend from doing this coz he's married? Or do guys actually encourage their buddies to have affairs? You seem to already have feelings for him. If you want to go out for the drink, then go ahead. Just remember he is married. I am sure you've read all stories of OW about frustration, tears and unhappiness. I was involved with a MM, I knew he was. Of course he had said all the right things and that he was leaving, etc. He pursued me, which made it more enticing. But in the end it was only heartbreak. So just be careful. I wouldn't want to wish that kind of emotional turmoil on anyone. Regarding the comment bout his friends discouraging him. Guy friends don't want to get involved. I don't think they encourage it, but they aren't going stop it.
zarathustra Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 yes you are digging yourself a hole. Before you need it to bury your broken heart, get out of the situation. Situations like yours don't usually end up well.
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