I've had it Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 After many lies, get-back-togethers, empty promises, I've decided to cut the ties completely. Not even a booty call anymore, I just want him out of my life. Since our breakup when his W found out, my life went from misserable to amazing and he has become a hurdle and obstacle. I don't want him anymore, I'm sick of him and the A. My question is do I need to give him an explanation (for the milionth time) or is it OK to just ignore his calls and attemps to contact me? Please don't advise me to tell his wife because I really do not wish for any involvement with anyone related to him anymore. I am just having a 'polite' moment, wondering if I do owe him an explanation or if it's ok to fall of the planet. He is a closed chapter in my life where the main character dies. Do I have any obligation when it comes to a person who has no morals? What are your opinions?
My_Other_I Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Why exactly do you feel that you owe him and explanation? What is your relationship now? Is it just a booty-call, or is it a habit? I don't think you owe him an explanation, he will get the hint sooner or later. Just expect many contact attempts from him.
Blind Illusion Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 That's a tricky one. OK, let me try to explain this right. Part of me , if the situation was reversed and he just didn't answer calls/emails, etc would be livid at his behavior. I would most certainly feel like he owed you an explanation because of the realtionship involved. However, you did say that you gave him the reasons before, so what would be the point now. Also, I do know this scenario very well and how it can so easily work out. You call with a goodbye or an explanation and a long intimate conversation develops. Next thing you know, you are being reeled back in emotionally. The dance begins again. And it is like a dance, I have noticed over time. (6+ years to be exact). The minute you step back from your dance partner (the MM), the next one finds him stepping closer to you. You adapt to that by moving closer too, & he moves back a step. You do likewise and the above pattern emerges. Over & over again. I noticed this with me, anyhow. I wouldn't involve his wife either. There's enough drama in this without that added factor. Good luck though.
joodee Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I say ignore his calls and contact attempts, I've been doing that and I feel so much better, cause blind illusion is right, you give even one itty bitty bit of a response, and he will see that as a big old green light to start the dance again. I tried being polite and a little bit friendly, and I got nothing but a headache with him trying to get in my pants. I've been through enough, I'm sure you have too.
Adunaphel Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Considered your situation, I don't think you owe him any explanation you don't feel like giving him. If he had been acting respectfully towards you, it would be an entirely different story. But I read that he has been lying to you and making you empty promises, so I see no reasons why you should feel guilty about just ignoring his attempts to contact you, expecially considered that being polite to him would most likely cause you some trouble you could live well without.
Sami_D Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Well you don't need to tell him why you're going NC. But from a purely practical point of view, it would make sense to tell him that that's what you're doing. I mean, if you just disappear out of contact, with no 'explanation', no 'so-long' or whatever, then he's going to be left wondering, and probably try to contact you, even if just to find out what happened. Telling him you're through, then going NC, makes it clear. (also, if you tell him you don't want to hear from him, and then he keeps pestering you, you know he's a jackass).
Guest Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I would simply send an email or a text saying, "We're done. I'm not contacting you any more and please don't contact me." He doesn't need an explanation. You've been through all that. Explaining and explaining yourself sometimes just gives the other person a chance to argue with you. Don't explain. Just do it! Sounds like your life is a million times improved with his toxic behavior out of it.
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