johan Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Damn, my balance is gone. It's showing up in my social and professional lives. And my family life. I'm taking care of myself and making sure things get done, but I'm not very happy. Those who know the story of my ex understand that that relationship was trying, unsatisfying and probably doomed to failure. But I was happy. Not with her so much, just with life. I had balance. Now she's gone and I can find something better, but I'm not on solid footing and it feels like something better has moved out of reach. I avoid people, I am grouchy and negative and surly. At work, I resent anyone who takes my time. I'm not very understanding like I was before. I used to be really cool about stuff. Now I'm on the verge of killing someone most of the time, usually my boss and some of the less competent people I have to deal with. But then, my own performance has been leaving much to be desired. Of course, instead of actually killing them, I really just want to go home and not come out. I'm blaming myself for my situation a lot. All the girls I couldn't keep, who seemed to walk away thinking I was no loss. I'm losing confidence in myself, and my perspective is becoming skewed. I used to think I could get any girl, and I could keep a good one. Now I can't imagine anyone wanting to be with me. What could my future hold if this is how it's going to be? What do I have to do to get my feet on firm ground again?
Guest Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 This sounds like depression, Johan, which often expresses itself as anger in men. You know the drill - exercise, eat well, lots of sleep, human contact - and if none of these seems to be helping, maybe give St. John's Wort a try with the blessing of your doctor - and maybe some chats with a counsellor will help.
amaysngrace Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 What could my future hold if this is how it's going to be? What do I have to do to get my feet on firm ground again? it's only temporary. you are feeling like this now but your feelings and your balance will change. you have been through a lot emotionally, and this is the aftermath of it all. try hard to be your own best friend right now. learn to like yourself enough that you're okay with being alone, because if you do you can feel good about knowing you're ALWAYS in good company. it's hard to be attractive to others if you don't feel attractive to yourself. be good to you. take time for you. and treat yourself well. and be honest with others. if you are having a pissy day and act like a fool, apologize and admit you were wrong for being abrasive. it's okay to feel bad sometimes. most people will understand what you're going through to some extent. but showing your human, softer side is an attractive quality. no need to be the tough guy all the time, especially if it's making you feel bad about yourself.
Author johan Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Thanks for the responses! I do need to exercise. I need to sleep more. I need to be around people. I'll do it tomorrow. As far as being honest with others about having a pissy day. I might as well just get some t-shirts that have "Stay the f*** away from me. Or at least make it quick. I'm having another rotten day." printed on them. That would save me some time. I hope I can emerge from this in good shape. Today happened to be a decent day, so I'm feeling more optimistic. But every day I have to start all over.
abbygail Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I am in a similar dilemma. Don't get discouraged! Always make sure to do what you want and not what 'they' want you to do. Above all ....respect yourself and know that it is not the end of the world. Your future will hold in the stability of urself...not girls or anyone else for that matter. You should take advice as given from loved ones and freinds but not let them determine your decisions. YOU have to be stable before YOU can be stable!!! (hope that makes sense)
blueberry Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Johan - its perfectly normal to feel the way you do from time-to-time. What annoys me is when people say "oh its depression". That word gets chucked around so much when in actual fact I am sure most people have no idea what real depression is (thankfully). Its bloody not depression (IMHO). Why? Because you are aware of what you are doing and you know what you need to do to help yourself. You're just in a bit of a tunnel right now. The doldrums. Don't beat yourself up too badly. Come to London, the general public are so damn rude you can find loads of opps to tell someone to "f*off"! Makes me feel better anyhoo...
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Its bloody not depression (IMHO). Why? Because you are aware of what you are doing and you know what you need to do to help yourself. If he can't dig himself out of the hole he's in, then it is depression. Depressed people also know what to do to help - but it doesn't work. But if he's not sleeping or exercising or doing any of the things that can help then you're probably right that it might be a situation he can deal with on his own.
Author johan Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 ...Its bloody not depression (IMHO). Why? Because you are aware of what you are doing and you know what you need to do to help yourself. ... Come to London, the general public are so damn rude you can find loads of opps to tell someone to "f*off"! Makes me feel better anyhoo... I agree with you on your point about depression. It's easy to label the problem and tell someone to run to the therapist. But that seems to bring any effort to actually try to understand to a complete halt. No one here has done that really, which I appreciate. But I have gotten that in the past, and it just trivializes the issue. Not that I'm not in need of some serious time with a counselor. I wouldn't even rule out electroshock at this point. But I'm not after solutions from people. Just connections and understanding. Commiseration maybe. Tell me I'm not a freak. Lie to me. That trip to London actually sounds quite tempting the way you put it. You should be a travel agent.
kitten chick Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 You can be depressed at times without having depression. "Depression" is a chronic condition while being depressed is not. I think you may be a little depressed right now but you are FAR from needing electroshock therapy. I'm hoping that comment was just your sense of humor. You probably just need time to work through everything. You're not a freak...a little odd but not a freak We wouldn't have you any other way
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 But I'm not after solutions from people. I've never understood that sentiment. If you got a problem, don't you want it solved? Problems, by definition, bother you. I don't enjoy being bothered. Me, if I got a problem, I want it GONE. I don't want people nodding kindly in agreement. I KNOW I'm not a freak and I know that all people go through the same problems. I don't need my hand patted, I want the problem out of my life. If a person is posting on LS, it's assumed, I would think, that they seek solutions. If all they want is hand-patting, maybe there should be a 'listen only' forum. But to want to wallow in a problem and get attention for it without solutions... beats the hell out of me what use that is.
blind_otter Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 As far as being honest with others about having a pissy day. I might as well just get some t-shirts that have "Stay the f*** away from me. Or at least make it quick. I'm having another rotten day." printed on them. That would save me some time. I think you can. At least you still have your wits about you and aren't blubbering. I actually have a tank top that says "Get the f*** away from me." Honestly it doesn't provoke the intended response. People mostly giggle and walk up to you with their finger pointed at your chest (or breasts) and try to make conversation about the fact that you want people to get the f*** away from you.
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 nah...you're just a grump. you definately need to come to London! They award that behaviour here. Commiseration? You got it. I find it very difficult to maintain civil behaviour if I feel that life is crashing down around me. You're not doing anything wrong - its just that we cant run away from how we feel. Emotions are with us 24/7. FEEL bad, FEEL sad, FEEL grumpy. Its your perogative. <cue Bobby Brown> But DONT make yourself feel bad BECAUSE you are feeling bad. Thats counter-productive. The Dalai Lama once said something along these lines "everyone in their life has at least (lets say) 20 problems at any given time - HOWEVER, the second you start worrying about the fact you HAVE these 20 problems means that you have just created your 21st". ************* My point Kitten is that there needs to be some differentiation. Depression is depression. Being down is being down ..... And never the twain shall meet.
blueberry Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 johan - i just posted my "commiseration" but i think its gonna show up as a guest (i got timed out - damn work). just wanted to let you know i did respond
CaliGuy Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Thanks for the responses! I do need to exercise. I need to sleep more. I need to be around people. I'll do it tomorrow. As far as being honest with others about having a pissy day. I might as well just get some t-shirts that have "Stay the f*** away from me. Or at least make it quick. I'm having another rotten day." printed on them. That would save me some time. I hope I can emerge from this in good shape. Today happened to be a decent day, so I'm feeling more optimistic. But every day I have to start all over. Johan, are you doing the things I suggested in my second chances thread? I probably should change the title because the advice works for anyone getting over and ex and starting new as well as a second chance. Yes, do exercise, a lot. Hang out with friends, a lot. Totally dive into a new hobby. TRAVEL! Go hiking/bike riding/parasailing - whatever Try new things. Fill your life with fun, exciting things. It's amazing how fast you'll get that bounce back into your step
Author johan Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 I actually have a tank top that says "Get the f*** away from me." Honestly it doesn't provoke the intended response. People mostly giggle and walk up to you with their finger pointed at your chest (or breasts) and try to make conversation about the fact that you want people to get the f*** away from you. Should I believe this story? If I saw you wearing a tank top that says "stay the f*** away from me" I wouldn't giggle and point at your breasts. But I might stare at them like this from a distance until you caught me. CaliGuy: I am traveling at the moment. I'm on a business trip for a couple days.
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