KittenMoon Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I had the most awful feeling tonight. I've been feeling really good the past few days. Almost happy, but not really. Tonight I was feeling content and smiling a little when the urge to pick up the phone and call him hit me. Then there was this feeling that he'd be stopping over any minute, come in happy and hug me, as if this time apart had only been like a vacation or something. It hurt so much! Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing?! I imagine it's like that phantom pain you feel when you lose a limb- you can feel it but it's not there!
the_alchemyst Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Sorry you're feeling this way, Kitten. I can sympathize with you, though, as I've felt this a few times before. Somtimes I, like you, want to just pick up the phone and call him. I feel that if I do so at that moment, he will answer and be happy, and we will talk nicely . . . and it will be like nothing happened. It's really ridiculous! Just like you said about the vacation, I feel like we just had a little quarrel and that if I call, everything will be absolutely fine. Maybe it's some kind of fantasy our brains are fabricating in order to relieve us and our hearts of the pain. I suppose it's kind of like when you think so much about something and it stops making sense after a while. I bet that since we think about it so much, either consciously or subconsciously (hell, I bet we'd even think about it unconsciously!), the reasons why what happened don't start to make sense, and we feel like maybe it's "nothing" really and that all it takes is a simple phone call, because it wasn't really a break-up, but more like a vacay, as you said. I don't think I'm explaining this well, but all in all, what I want to say is that: I know exactly how that feels, and it's awful because for a brief moment, everything seems fine, but it's really not. Talk about giving the self false hope. =(
Author KittenMoon Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 I understand- the concept of "vacation" has been floating around my head a lot as well. As if he's just away for a time, like the periods we've been seperated before. But those times I knew he'd be back and that he'd be happy to see me. It's not like that this time. But I keep telling myself he's not that person anymore. Last night I had a dream with him in it, as well as this guy from college I used to have a crush on and who had a crush on me. He even tried to kiss me once, but I loved my ex so I didn't allow it. Still we continued being friends for quite a while. Anyways, in the dream I was with the two of them and a lot of other people. Both of them were flirting with me. Eventually, my ex took me back, but kinda without asking me, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to be with him. Still, he didn't listen when I tried to tell him, and the other guy seemed so devastated that I had rebuked him again. This upset me, because the other guy was really nice and always seemed to listen to me. I ran off when my ex wouldn't listen to me, but eventually he found me and STILL didn't listen to why I was upset, just acted like we were back together and nothing had happened. Since we've broken up, he's in my dreams A LOT. But he never listens when I try to tell him anything. Why can't I even get him to listen to me, even in my dreams?! I think my subconcious is trying to tell me something.
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