ww Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 It has been a while since I have last posted here. Update. I have talked to my ex MM more than 4 months ago. It was not really a friendly chat. I told him what I wanted to tell him for a long time. Something that was hanging over my head like a big black cloud. I cried after i have told him that , cried maybe bc it was a shock talking to him. Thank god there was my friend on PM talking to me and calming me down that very moment. But after that, it felt like my sky finally cleared out. I havent heard from him for more than 4 months now. And today something that happened made me remember him. Prolly that is why i am writting this post. I want to share this with you: EVENTUALLY IT PASSES. AND YOU DO NOT EVEN NOTICE IT AT FIRST. AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN SOMETHING MAKES U REMEMBER HIM AND U WONDER..OH BOY I HAVE NOT HAD A THOUGHT OF HIM FOR A WHILE !!! :bunny: YIPPY Life indeed is great. And i do not get what was wrong with me at that time to make me suffer so much for nothing. Hang on girls ... IT GETS BETTER INDEED P.S. NC works
joodee Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Hi, I remember all the times you did post, I am glad you shared what happened and that you are doing well. I'm in NC and it's difficult, but it helps to hear from you and know that there is hope to get over this type of stuff. Thanks again. Take care.
joodee Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Yes, I am back to that after a slip. The bummer was about two and half weeks ago I saw him from a distance walking in my condo neighborhood while I was getting my mail, I did not make eye contact and looked the other way. HE walked up to me and said hello. I tried my best to give him the cold shoulder, but I failed and engaged in conversation, and he mentioned in this conversation he still loved me. Turns out he was walking home after having dinner with another girl in my neighborhood that used to live next door in his condo complex. He says she's just a friend but then the next day he tried to contact me and I asked if he told his "friend" that he ran into me, and he said he didn't have time to think about that, I said he should since he claimed to still love me, and he said "thanks for the advice." I told him that he was trying to work both of us, he denied it, I said I had to go and I hung up on him. I haven't responded to contact since that, it's been about two weeks. I want to stick to my lent promise to myself (especially since HE put that idea out there). He's tried to contact me a couple of times since, I ignored his texts and e-mails. It is dwindling, and now I feel depressed because I believe it's true that he's more than friends with the gal in my neighborhood, but why he still said he loved me, I don't get that. My gut says he's "working" her, and doesn't want to give up that "option." Sorry for the rant, long story short, I'm back on track on giving up the MM for lent, but I am doing so now with a heavy heart. And I was feeling much better, too.
Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I just wish these MM could read these posts. What they are doing to us is a shame to say the least. Such wonderful women here who have so much to offer this world. Makes me sick to tell you the truth. I am in your corner Joodee. Keep posting...there are many of us in the same shoes right now...either walking away or recently already have. Hugs to you. WA
joodee Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Thanks, I need all the encouragement I can get. I just feel so down right now. I did my hair nice today, and I have alot to look forward to, and I think other single guys are finally noticing me, but I still feel terrible, like all I want to do is cry. Thanks again for the hugs, right back at ya! joodee
zarathustra Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Giving up MM for lent! I love it!! I had to give mine up months prior. I know how you feel. I'm not very strong so each day, I do still cry some tears for my xMM. Personally, I don't think mine loved me as much as he said he did. Now that he's back with his wife, he said that he did love me but as the reality of his situation with his kids sunk in, a future with me felt bleaker and bleaker. Yep, he tore my heart out, stepped on it a few times and then threw it to his dogs for doggie treats when he said that.
Walking away Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 Ouch. That must hurt. I am so sorry. He did love you. Just not enough to uproot his entire world that he knew before you came along. It is a tough decision for these MM to make. And most of them decide to stay for their own personal reasons. Don't let it affect your self esteem. We were all fighting losing battles the minute we got involved with our MM. The pull of the marriage and life that goes with it is so strong. Don't beat yourself up. You are a wonderful person. Believe it and believe that better will come your way.
zarathustra Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 He did leave his wife to move in with me... so in that sense, I think you are right, WA, that he did love me. He just didn't love me enought to stay with me. Didn't love me enough to be honest with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. In the end, I had to go because if I stayed, we would end up hating each other and he would compromise my happiness once his W allowed him to go home and I would wonder each time he visited his kids if he would be trying to get back home with his W. I didn't need those feelings and I know in the end, it would consume me and be the end of me. I've had a hard enough life growing up (sexually abused, eating disorder, SIV disorder, etc.), I really don't need to be in dark places again in my life. While growing up, it took a long time for me to become healthy and confident. Now, I'm a trying to gain back my confidence and hopefully, I'll become healthy again one day as shortly after the split I suffered a short relapse period with my eating disorder. I felt like the only thing I could control was what I ate. But in reality, I was losing control of my life. So each and everyday for me is an uphill battle. Sometimes, I think I'm losing and I welcome it. Then I see all of you and how amazing you all are and start believing in me again. So thanks again. I just want the other ladies here to recognize that just because their MM leaves their family to be together with them, it doesn't mean that the pull of their previous life won't be there. If I had a second chance, I would not get involved with him in any way while he was still married. I would only get involved after he is divorced. In my country, you need to be separated 1 year before you can even file for divorce so that would have given him ample time to have a life on his own and decide if I am someone he would like to know better.
Aaurora Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 WW - I look forward to the day in which I can say I haven't thought about him for a while. I really, truly do.
newbby Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 hey ww, nice thread. glad to hear youre doing good. joodee, good to see you too. you need to do TOTAL nc for three months to notice a difference, imo.
Author ww Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 Aurora: stop looking forward ... do other things insted, it is a little trick. Seriousley, life is to precious to waste it on unimportant matters. Enjoy, I have been travelling a lot late months. I live ou of suit-case i could say.... I enjoy it
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