lizad Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 well it's been over a week with NC with my OM......I am really doing good but def. think about him and of course wonder if he misses me and is thinking of me and so on.....I guess even though I made the decision to walk away it will take a while to withdraw from him....... When I start to get warm thoughts I then think about the reality of it and the things that negative about the A and move on. just wanted to share my update and my thoughts and I guess considering none of my family or friends know about the A....it's hard to get any support.........
Owl Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Lizad- Please DO try to find someone who can support you in this...even if it's not your H. Just as long as it's not another man as well. The best thing for you right now is to find some kind of outlet to help you get past all of this. Talking with a good friend (one who is PRO-marriage, IMHO) would do you a lot of good. Just my thoughts friend.
For You I Will Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 It must be really hard Lizad. Im glad to see you being strong & walking away. Things can only get better from here. Keep smiling & I hope everything gets better. xo
Author lizad Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 Thank you both......I know that as strong as I am and that this was my decision......it's not always easy to let go of something that was a huge part of my life for the past two years. I know in my heart that this is for the best and whenever I do get meloncholy thoughts I focus on something else....... and no OWL...lol it will not be another man.......way to big a price to pay....
Aaurora Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I wish you all the best Lizard...It has been 2 months for me since my OM and I broke it off. I still love, miss, want, need him....but it does get easier. I relapse into sad days....days where I cry and miss him so much my whole world seems to cave in on top of me...but...we will get there in the end. ((hugs))
Walking away Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Lizad, I am right where you are. Almost one week of NC. It is hard, as I am sure you know...I have a few people that are my support system, but many feel that I deserve the pain that I feel, and I guess I do, but it is still hard...I am planning a vacation with a girlfriend for next month, and that has given me something to look forward to. I know how heavyhearted you must feel....it is difficult, but we are doing the absolute best thing we could do for each other. Take care of yourself and stay strong. The best for us is get to come.
jerbear Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 This past sunday was 1 week of NC, even took monday off to catch up on a few things. You have to do what is best for yourself and to you, you made the right decision for the long run.
Author lizad Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 Thank you both so much for your support..... why does it seem that we woman are the ones who are going through this walking away stuff...... I am married. I know "walking away" is not, what about you jerbear??? I know that I should be so thrilled that my H is unaware of the A....and that I can move on with my marriage to a great guy.........and I am and I hope with time this OM will be a distant memory........ still hard to not think of him.....and want him to be missing me even though I hurt him.....
Walking away Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 At least with me, I can grieve openly at home...My kids are very understanding and supportive of me. I cannot imagine having to grieve quietly so your husband cannot tell what you are going through. I am sure that these men will become distant memories in the future. I am sure that we can all think back to someone in our past that we thought we would die for and now they can't even make our hearts skip a beat any longer. It will happen with these men, too. Of this I am certain. Every day is going to make us stronger and stronger. And, I am sure your MM is missing you. You filled a void in his life and it is hard living without it now that it is gone I am sure. We can go through this together, okay?
Author lizad Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 that sounds great walking away.......you deserve someone who can give all of themselves to you. how long did your A go on??? I think you had said you didnt know he was married at first, is that correct?? there have been so many posts, I just wanted to make sure that was you...... I dont know why I need to believe that the OM is pining for me and missing me, I guess it's the same reason I needed him in my life to begin with........the adoration and all that goes along with that. I am trying to accept that having that in my marriage which I do, is enough.....and I guess I have to grow up a little too. the A. def. made me feel so young and all those exciting, anxious feelings......but that doesn't last after 20 years of marriage....the love becomes a deep comfortable type of love. when I began the A...I had a lot of my own issues but since have gone through therapy alone and with my husband. Unfort, I had already been involved with this OM and had a hard time letting go. I did try multiple times and I am staying strong with this being the last and final time..... hang in there......we need to support one another
Blind Illusion Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 At least with me, I can grieve openly at home...My kids are very understanding and supportive of me. I cannot imagine having to grieve quietly so your husband cannot tell what you are going through. ? That's wonderful that you are able to grieve openly (not you are grieving anything). I haven't done the NC yet, Lizad, but I know how that is after a fight or something with MM, how its so difficult to have to go on in your house like everything is ok. This has to be even harder. I am sure he is missing you too & I can appreciate that whole point also. You are doing good and don't worry if you have days where you feel like you moved back emotionally with this. That's understandable. (I'm telling you this because thats a difficult thing with me when there has been little contact with my MM....I think I am doing better/accepting it and then, out of nowhere, get all sorts of sad)
jerbear Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I am married. I know "walking away" is not, what about you jerbear??? Not married, but you can say I was an affair once, I was the other man in a ONS. Not easy letting someone go and missing that person.
Walking away Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Yes, I am the OW who didn't know my MM was married at first. We had been together 7 months.
Walking away Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Not married, but you can say I was an affair once, I was the other man in a ONS. Not easy letting someone go and missing that person. Forgive me, but what is a ONS? Is it hard for you, a man, to go through NC like it is for us women?
My_Other_I Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 ONS = one night stand I think that would be different but it depends on the emotional involvement.
jerbear Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Forgive me, but what is a ONS? Is it hard for you, a man, to go through NC like it is for us women? ONS, one night stand. NC is not easy. I'm not a typical guy, I have very good self control. Ex (not same person) initiated NC and I didn't break it, she broke it. Anyway guys, at least this one, do get sleepness nights, weird dreams where I wake up, and lingering thoughts. I even get demotivated to do stuff. One thing I have learned is to quickly get over the physical parts of NC first by implementing a plan and executing that plan. I do know how to can get it out my mind very easliy.
Walking away Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Thanks for sharing. It is unusual to get a guy's perspective on these things.
jerbear Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I think that would be different but it depends on the emotional involvement. I was single and I just started talking to her, asked her to dinner because I hate to eat alone. Got a few drinks... get the idea. I always enjoyed older women but the ONS with a married woman, I even noticed the ring and disregarded it. Well it was fun and I did learn a few things about myself in the process. I do not have sex just because they have boobs, legs, and a tusch. I have to at least know more about the person, ie name.
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