sandre3 Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 my x boyfriend was very jealous. he couldnt stand for me to do things outside of our relationship. he would get mad if i read a book. he would get mad if i did something with my friends. i ended up doing something i shouldnt have.i put him before my friends. now i only have 2 friends and i think i messed up my relationship with them.now that me and my boyfriend r done i feel so alone. i could go to my friends, but i feel i cant. i put someone b4 them and now that the person is gone, is it rite 4 me to just run back to them? i kno they are my friends,but was i really a friend to just forget about them?
tigger Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 I'm sorry you are going through this, it's hell, but you will make it! Be strong. And if he tries to come back, don't let him. Being "girls" (I really just don't like the word women), we sometimes feel that jealousy means they really really love us and want to be with us and feel threatened by everything - and it feels good to be loved so much. Unfortunately jealousy really means he's insecure about himself so he's going to force you to give up everything to make him comfortable. I would say this. Your friends are your friends, but they do feel the pain of losing you to this guy. If you are able to email them - do so letting them know your relationship with him is over and that you realize what you did is so wrong and that you are sorry. Tell them you understand if they don't want to be a bigger part of your life again, but that you hope they can understand your situation (we've all been there so they should), and will forgive and forget. Give them the opportunity to respond to you in their own time and in their own way. Ending the email by telling them that you wanted to let them know where things were in your life and that you'd love to hear from them or maybe get together for coffee and chat. My guess is that you'll hear from them and they will be excited to be a part of your life again, albeit - maybe still a little hurt. If they choose not to get in touch with you again, then you will find different friends and have new friendships to cherish. My very best to you and I hope this is the one time you learn from this, but some times it takes us two or three times to realize what we are doing while we are doing it. Just remember, the green eyed monster is exactly that - a monster. Next time it might not just be jealousy you have to deal with.
destination_unknown Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 sadly sweetheart, tigger is right about your ex, dont take him back. I have a male friend who i was really close to. We work together and used to go out together about three nights a week, strictly platonic. And the minute he got a girlfriend it was bye, bye. We havent gone anywhere in almost a year and he barely talks to me at work. I'm happy that he has found somebody and it does hurt that he hasnt bothered to keep up the friendship (he has dropped all his other friends too) but if he ever split up with his girl i know he would be devestated and i would certainly be a shoulder to cry on for him and take him out and cheer him up etc. Thats what friendship is. And in my case, its not even that his girl doesnt want him to hang with his friends - he is just so besotted with her he has no interest in us anymore. That was his decision. In your case, it doesnt sound like you really wanted to give up your friends, but this guy was controlling you. (It is inherently wrong to try to control another person.) If you were a person in my life, I would just want to help make you feel better and get over the baxtard. I think you should have a heart to heart with one of your friends, and explain to them how controlling your relationship was, if they are worth having as a friend they will only want to help you. And then, with the help of said friend, plan one heck of a party, make it some kind of theme party and invite all your other mates. It might be a good icebreaker, with the added bonus itll make you feel better after the break up. And you know, there are a million fish in the sea in terms of friends too, you can always make new ones! Do that by getting yourself out there taking a night class, volunteering for charity, joining some kind of sport...possibilities are endless! The world is your oyster, so enjoy being free of the negative relationship.
lehen99 Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I kind of done the same thing with my ex girlfriend. She got mad if I wanted to hang out with my friends, so eventually I did. We didn't hang out for almost 3 years, I am sure they were all upset by this. Now that my ex is gone it has taken a little time, but they realized that I goofed up. We are all better friends than before so just to let you know it may take a little time for them to trust you but they shouldn't have too big of a problem having you around again. GOOD LUCK
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