Author lovernotafighter Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 Good for you! Stick to your plan and everything else should work itself out, yeah??? my plan is falling apart..I just called my second job and quit..I feel so awful all I want to do right now is sleep..but the bright side is MM thinks I will be working this job and no time to think of him..and thats a good thing. but it will be back to the drawing board after my vacation..yay! thats in 2 weeks! my H and I are going to be working on the house and putting the finishing touchs on it for sale..so things are progressing thus far :-)
aktieb0cka Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 he admitted in this last letter he is a coward and would rather chase his W off then leave and have everyone frown on him and her use there son against him. it is sick to me what I have wrote to you all about. I just think that it is amazing than rather admitting the truth, they lie. Doesn't he realize that hurts her more?
Jessie61 Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 my plan is falling apart..I just called my second job and quit..I feel so awful all I want to do right now is sleep..but the bright side is MM thinks I will be working this job and no time to think of him..and thats a good thing. but it will be back to the drawing board after my vacation..yay! thats in 2 weeks! my H and I are going to be working on the house and putting the finishing touchs on it for sale..so things are progressing thus far :-) LNF, You probably need a break? Try to look after yourself for those 2 weeks. You can only think clearly etc when you are as healthy as you possibly can be.
Author lovernotafighter Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 LNF, You probably need a break? Try to look after yourself for those 2 weeks. You can only think clearly etc when you are as healthy as you possibly can be. jess,I wish you were right...get this..I'm so pissed off I could scream. I asked him about nc which he broke and wanted to be friends I said no and to please avoid me because we have no future..but get this...he has been doing good now hasn't talked to me at all and I've been feeling better. but then I come across a company e-mail were he volunteered to be the supervisor on my shift the week I return! I am so mad at him for this because he knows as well as I we have to see each other,we will having meetings together and everything..I find this so disrespectful...what does he expect to gain..what do you guys think..is it revenge or something? I just want to punch a wall right now..grrr
Jessie61 Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 but then I come across a company e-mail were he volunteered to be the supervisor on my shift the week I return! I am so mad at him for this because he knows as well as I we have to see each other,we will having meetings together and everything..I find this so disrespectful...what does he expect to gain..what do you guys think..is it revenge or something? I just want to punch a wall right now..grrr I cannot blame you for wanting to punch a wall (or HIM for that matter!!!! )... To do what he did is so unnecessary! And, you are right, it is disrespectful! I suspect that he is just messing with your head. Yes, he probably wants to see you too, because it makes HIM feel good. BUT we're not worried about him at the moment, are we now??? We are worried about YOU! Are you serious about NC yourself? How far would you go to get permanent NC? Could you change jobs? Would he EVER respect it do you think? I know myself how difficult it can be to enforce NC even when you yourself have no intention of breaking it.
Blind Illusion Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I must have missed the thread about you quitting the other job. It sounded like it was way too much anyhow. Sorry about the change of supervisors when you return. I don't know what to say.
RealityCheck Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 LNF..... GOOD GRIEF! WTF!!! The man obviously has it bad for you to go to such lengths of "volunteering" for a "Supervisor" role just so he can be around you!! See, this is the part none of us OW get! Mess with our heads and love us to death! Unbelievable!! Good luck by the way with selling your house!
zarathustra Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 jess,I wish you were right...get this..I'm so pissed off I could scream. I asked him about nc which he broke and wanted to be friends I said no and to please avoid me because we have no future..but get this...he has been doing good now hasn't talked to me at all and I've been feeling better. but then I come across a company e-mail were he volunteered to be the supervisor on my shift the week I return! I am so mad at him for this because he knows as well as I we have to see each other,we will having meetings together and everything..I find this so disrespectful...what does he expect to gain..what do you guys think..is it revenge or something? I just want to punch a wall right now..grrr It is disrepectful and he doesn't seem to get it. None of our MMs do. I told mine yesterday again how it is not wise to talk to me even though I wish that we could just shoot the s*** like we used to, go for a couple of ciggies, a coffee break, etc. I wish that I could go up to him and say, hey, check out these new drivers I got, they're really sweet. Wanna take em out and hit a few golf balls? But we can never have that again and it was all I ever wanted from him and he made be believe that I could have more and that more was better. Now what we have is a valuable friendship destroyed and I mourn the loss of it.
Author lovernotafighter Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 I cannot blame you for wanting to punch a wall (or HIM for that matter!!!! )... To do what he did is so unnecessary! And, you are right, it is disrespectful! I suspect that he is just messing with your head. Yes, he probably wants to see you too, because it makes HIM feel good. BUT we're not worried about him at the moment, are we now??? We are worried about YOU! Are you serious about NC yourself? How far would you go to get permanent NC? Could you change jobs? Would he EVER respect it do you think? I know myself how difficult it can be to enforce NC even when you yourself have no intention of breaking it. I would love to find a new job Jessie but right now I get paid more than other company's are willing to pay people around here right now and with me facing a divorce and living on my own (I refuse to live with family and have help) I just can't...not only that I feel like Id be giving up mine for him..no way will he get me to run like he claimed he was doing to his wife..F that. I thought he was finally respecting NC that's why this was kick in the face. I must have missed the thread about you quitting the other job. It sounded like it was way too much anyhow. Sorry about the change of supervisors when you return. I don't know what to say. funny you mentioned my other job,they just called me and asked me to come back?? weird I only worked there for like 3 weeks and they asked me that..they also have my money so I'm stopping in to talk to them tomorrow. thanks though BI,I don't know what to think myself..this is the flip side to what what you and I talked about once...when things were good it was nice for him to be at my job where I can find him but in the same token when things are bad he can and probably will make my life hell...tsk on him. LNF..... GOOD GRIEF! WTF!!! The man obviously has it bad for you to go to such lengths of "volunteering" for a "Supervisor" role just so he can be around you!! See, this is the part none of us OW get! Mess with our heads and love us to death! Unbelievable!! Good luck by the way with selling your house! RC well he is a supervisor there already but on another shift in another department...so he volunteered to by on my shift in my department... and it has to be because of me because to honest he has it made right now..I work crappy nights and has morning with people who he barely has to supervise..old timer who can do their jobs with their eyes closed...we have all the new crazy people..so it's completely stupid for him to do this. you know why I'm soo mad? remember when walking away said she broke off with her MM with love..well I tried to do just that...I told him point blank "I'm getting a divorce, he isn't. I'm in love with him and I have to get over my feeling because I hurt and am suffering,if I see him it will tear my heart out and I won't be able to get over him" I ask him "please do this for me so I can heal". see this is why this show 0 respect for me,he hasn't called, or wrote again but obviously is going to make sure I see him. I asked his only other friend at work why he did this and he said he has been trying to get on that shift for months..and no one can figure him out..he said the last few weeks he has also turned into a split personality and only thinks of him self..he said he doesn't believe he is his friend any more :-( thanks for the wishes selling my home..I'm actually looking forward to it :-) It is disrepectful and he doesn't seem to get it. None of our MMs do. I told mine yesterday again how it is not wise to talk to me even though I wish that we could just shoot the s*** like we used to, go for a couple of ciggies, a coffee break, etc. I wish that I could go up to him and say, hey, check out these new drivers I got, they're really sweet. Wanna take em out and hit a few golf balls? But we can never have that again and it was all I ever wanted from him and he made be believe that I could have more and that more was better. Now what we have is a valuable friendship destroyed and I mourn the loss of it. that's it zara...you know eventually me and MM could have been friends after I got over being in love...but when he disrespects my feelings this way..it just isn't going to be possible,because I am gonna end up bitter and angry...men..Grrr thanks every one for making me feel better today...ladies your awesome :-)
Author lovernotafighter Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 Love right back at you LNF! Muah! Zara your to cute! *Muah! X 1000* I am dreading his return to my shift,I wish I knew how to act when I see him...honestly by that point I wouldn't have laid eyes on him in a month! last week he broke NC by e-mail and I wrote back but stuck to my words and said this is really it,over over over! (of coarse much kinder though) and we haven't wrote or anything since...though the stages are early I feel soo much better! but what will happen when I see him? I'm worried I'll fall apart :-(
movinon05 Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Zara your to cute! *Muah! X 1000* I am dreading his return to my shift,I wish I knew how to act when I see him...honestly by that point I wouldn't have laid eyes on him in a month! last week he broke NC by e-mail and I wrote back but stuck to my words and said this is really it,over over over! (of coarse much kinder though) and we haven't wrote or anything since...though the stages are early I feel soo much better! but what will happen when I see him? I'm worried I'll fall apart :-( He is doing the same thing Zara's MM is doing. He is not thinking about you. He is thinking about himself. He is putting himself in a position to be able to be around you and totally disrespecting your feelings. Try to remember that when you do have to see him. Selfish, selfish these men are! It disgusts me!
Author lovernotafighter Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 you know what is bugging me MO is that he got to me..I was doing good,asked him to avoid me so I can move on and still have love in my heart for him..I thought he'd respect that. so whats bugging me is I had to see that damned e-mail and now I'm worrying about our encounter! granted if I didn't see the company letter I would have been in complete shock when I seen him Monday morning at my meeting but now it's my vacation and I'm dreading going back to work. so heres what I'm planning on doing..I'm gonna deck myself out-got the tan going on-blond-ness ,have my nails looking sweet. just be super fly. sashay my ass in the meeting, glow with boundless enthusiasm, if he makes eye contact smile sweetly. then sashay my ass right back out of there like nothing but the hand of god her self has touched me. I had told him once I was made of Teflon - s*** just slides of me...it's time to prove that theory correct. thanks MO, your right on the money and if he's trying to get to me (and he has ) he will never ever know it...I'm gonna make damn sure all eyes will be on me, he will quickly wish he hadn't made this decision to sneak away to break NC.
Walking away Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 The best defense is a good offense. Never let him see you sweat, honey!
Author lovernotafighter Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 right on WA! hey our books have taught us some great things huh? *wink wink -men love bitches *
Author lovernotafighter Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I believe it's really over.... since this last post I caved on my b-day (mid-june)...I felt I didn't want MM to ruin it and have that memory to associate with that date and it was a uphill battle ever since. Start of NC today really..this all started Friday. he got a job as my supervisor so I bid out of the department..I told him it would temporary while he learned the job...for the last few weeks he has been telling me " give 2 weeks and I be able to give you my time" so the on Friday he told me "...a month" then straight out said he told his W the same thing. I asked him so what are you getting at..what is "a month suppose to mean to me?" and he said he can make more room for me and his wife because he won't be working as often. I literally exploded..I told him this doesn't mean **** to me..that I'm still at the bottom of his priority list and why is he telling me so..he says every one in his life feels like that..even his son asked him why he don't care.. holy crap,is he for real? then he went on to say his main priority's are his son then me and then his wife..what the hell..this guy just was screwing up very time his mouth opened. he's says I want to make you happy..what can I do to make you happy? give you more time? I said no, give me a real relationship..he said what can I do to make you happy besides getting a divorce..I couldn't believe my ears. so anyway we argued all day I basically called him a liar and perpetuial cake eater and I broke up with him but unfortunately we had to work together all day Saturday..because dummy me volunteered for it before this happened. he was so hateful toward me and said he had thought about this all night. what was his conclusion? that he felt bad he chased me out of my department yet feels he has been honest and is maintaining that he couldn't leave his wife because of his son. I told he has and hasn't..he has sent me mixed messages..whatever..I said I respect his decision but I asked him what it was about me that I did or have do wrong to him..he says "nothing..your conscious is clear; happy?" I told him I don't want him to hate me for this choice,I want him to understand..he said he does and then again sarcastically says " you think I'm a liar because my actions don't match my words..even though I said I can't leave". he really just doesn't get it. my blood was boiling..and then he said how can I give you what you want when I don't even know what I want? I said "you will know someday I guess,I do respect your choice and understand and perhaps someday I won't think as you as a liar and maybe when I'm over you perhaps someday we can be friends again..I'd like that" he said me too. that was the end of it...we dodged each other and he disappeared for awhile so did I. I know honestly right at this moment I don't forgive him at all and really am pretty pissed off at him. I have been hurt many times but I'm finally pissed..and it took a great deal to get me to this point...I feel incredibly sad and hurt,and for some reason betrayed by MM because I felt like he was my best friend...it's my own fault and I should just let it go but why does it have to be so hard? if anyone has some NC tips and tell me how to stay pissed,I'd really like to hear it.
stillhere Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I'm sorry it had to happen this way LNF, but if he never planned on leaving and continued to feed you a line of bull just to keep you around, it's better this way. I know it's going to be difficult since you work with him, but you are strong and you can do this. You're going through a divorce yourself, so you basically have a new start in life. A chance to meet someone wonderful who will sweep you off your feet and give you the love and attention you need and deserve. You did learn something from all this right? As did i with my situation. Never again will i allow a MM to turn my head. Never! And i know you will do the same. We've learned first hand what kind of heartache a R like this will produce, and we will learn from our mistakes. I wish you luck LNF, i don't have any tips for you, as i'm not in NC and probably never will be, but i wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you!
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 First I have to say, Congrats on finally reaching your boiling point and saying ENOUGH! As for the NC, go into the coping section and read no foolin's thread. It's helped alot of people through NC and explains in detail how to do it and stick to it. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ Just know you're doing the right thing for you. The MM isn't healthy for you, his actions say something different than his words and sadly for you, that won't ever change. He IS a cakeeater, a liar, a selfish man who wants TWO women in his life, not just one. He's gotten SO used to both of you, why would he really want to change things. So, it's wonderful you've taken the control and ended it for good.
Walking away Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 LNF.... There are many, many of us who are in your corner..... And you know where to find us... Huge hugs to you from me. Love ya WA
UnknowingOW Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Congrats LNF! We are always here for you! -Unk
Author lovernotafighter Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I'm sorry it had to happen this way LNF, but if he never planned on leaving and continued to feed you a line of bull just to keep you around, it's better this way. I know it's going to be difficult since you work with him, but you are strong and you can do this. You're going through a divorce yourself, so you basically have a new start in life. A chance to meet someone wonderful who will sweep you off your feet and give you the love and attention you need and deserve. You did learn something from all this right? As did i with my situation. Never again will i allow a MM to turn my head. Never! And i know you will do the same. We've learned first hand what kind of heartache a R like this will produce, and we will learn from our mistakes. I wish you luck LNF, i don't have any tips for you, as i'm not in NC and probably never will be, but i wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you! SH thank you so much for this post..I'm glad people have responded to my terrible outcome..I can't believe how horrible I feel. but I do believe this time is different because I think about how he acted and I feel like throwing up. it's a good thing he was such a bastard really. in some respects I think I wanted him to do this..because I am dragging my heels in my divorce and told my MM it was our affairs fault ,even if our affair made me realise I needed out of my marrige the affair is still making it easier for me to stay. he would always bring up leaving but then would add something like " it might be 2 months,it might be two years,I don't know when I can" in his mind thats was his way of telling me he isn't going no where...I guess it is..but I do need more than he can offer me. I know he loves me but it isn't enough...never thought I'd issue him a ultimatium but I am really glad I did..because I do need to move on especially at my prime of life..I am on top of my game and the only thing that has been bringing me down is him,I know it,so does he. thanks again SH I am gonna need all of the support I can get ((hugs)) First I have to say, Congrats on finally reaching your boiling point and saying ENOUGH! As for the NC, go into the coping section and read no foolin's thread. It's helped alot of people through NC and explains in detail how to do it and stick to it. Here's the link: [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/[/COLOR] Just know you're doing the right thing for you. The MM isn't healthy for you, his actions say something different than his words and sadly for you, that won't ever change. He IS a cakeeater, a liar, a selfish man who wants TWO women in his life, not just one. He's gotten SO used to both of you, why would he really want to change things. So, it's wonderful you've taken the control and ended it for good. this is sooo true, and my biggest beef..even if he just wanted a affair it isn't that hard to let someone know you love them is it? no, but for MM apparently it is... that's why he brought up his son thinking he also don't care about him...he was trying to prove that everyone thinks poorly of his actions... what will that accomplish with me but push me further away? he's clueless. thanks for the link..I read a little but like SH said it's twice as hard for me because we work together..I was in line for a promotion which MM was shooting me in the foot over..but if I do get I have to talk business with him everyday...I picked up a paper to look for another job..took myself out to eat and read it..theres nothing out there. so I will take that promotion and make him sick like he makes me..that's all I can do for now..thanks again~LNF LNF.... There are many, many of us who are in your corner..... And you know where to find us... Huge hugs to you from me. Love ya WA WA ((hugs times a thousand!)) thank you,I'll be writing soon , love ya
Author lovernotafighter Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 Congrats LNF! We are always here for you! -Unk thank you UNK...I am so serious this time.. I just changed his passwords to the account he wrote me from so he can't e-mail me. I also blocked his other e-mail address from my account and deleted everything he has ever sent me...I'm about to try to block my phone as well..thanks for being in my corner
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 LNF - count me in your corner too! I am proud of you and happy to help however I can! (((hugs)))
NoIDidn't Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 he's says I want to make you happy..what can I do to make you happy? give you more time? I said no, give me a real relationship..he said what can I do to make you happy besides getting a divorce..I couldn't believe my ears. so anyway we argued all day I basically called him a liar and perpetuial cake he says "nothing..your conscious is clear; happy?" I told him I don't want him to hate me for this choice,I want him to understand..he said he does and then again sarcastically says " you think I'm a liar because my actions don't match my words..even though I said I can't leave". he really just doesn't get it. Isn't a liar someone who says one thing and does another? Isn't a liar someone who promises something and delivers nothing? He pretty much just quoted the definition of liar, and yet doesn't feel it applies to him. Sheesh. This guy apparently forgets what he says the minute it leaves his mouth. Remember these words, they will keep your anger burning enough to build up your resistance to him. I have stayed up on your story and I wish you the best. You have a lot on your plate, but you sound strong and resolved. Good luck.
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