Blind Illusion Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 LoverNotAFighter, IMHO, I don't think taking any anti depressants has anything to do with strength or lack of it. I think yours is your own, gained through experiences and is a great thing. I hope everything works out like you wish. In fact, in a way, I find your story and solution encouraging. Here I am, bad marriage, not so stellar affair and I must (and will) FIND A way a way to transcend both of them. Otherwise, more and more, it seems like what I have is a collection of men (MM & HUBBY) that annoy me to no end. How crazy is that?
Author lovernotafighter Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 If you have to take lexapro or whatever, I can understand. When I was separating from my husband, he went into some kind of depression, stopped working mostly, sat in a chair and his hand just shook uncontrollably. I mean for hours at a time. And that was before he even knew about my MM. Then he said he was going to commit suicide. He "took my son to school for the last time", took pen and paper to write goodbye notes to my children, etc. Long story, but he was admitted to a facility for 3 days. There's all sorts of sordid details that would fill a book, but I finally went to my doctor and told him what was going on. He put me on lopramazine or something like that. It was very mild and I only took it when I was upset, and it just calmed me down so that I could function. I then just took them when things got too overwhelming so I could deal with them and think straight. Mostly, I worked through it myself. So I can understand you taking something when you have so much stress in your life. What I meant about your being strong was to say that at least you are handling things the right way. You are being smart. You're doing what's necessary with your marriage and not centering your life around your MM. I was so naive I believe everything he said and hung on his every word. I did whatever he asked and my whole family suffered for it. And I thought my world would fall apart if I didn't have my MM. You're being smart with a lot of knowledge I didn't have about these types of situations. So I still applaud you. woah your story sounds pretty intense as well..I don't feel bad for taking anything for stress..on the contrary I thank god my doctor diagnosed me correctly..because I told him that I wasn't..when actually like I said my body was kicking my own a$$. but thank you for your kind words and encouragement..I'd like to think I'm doing this right (well as right that is my own capacity ) ,but I still second guess myself often..I bought a bunch of relationship books, look stuff up on-line and then found this forum ( actually I found this forum by looking up stuff about divorce and was stunned by the OW/OM section case here I am) I just really hope you can stay strong and find your courage everyday to make it through..I know it's hard but we have to take life one day at a time. No one (well not me) is telling you that you haven't faced a lot of stuff and reacted in a normal (even if painful) way to it. It's that you've decided to sort it out that is important. We all have crap in our lives... and we all suffer from that. You had bad things happen... you reacted to the stress.... and now you're doing things about it. I don't know. None of us knows what other people suffer, how deeply they feel things. We only have words, and physical effects (and our abilities to describe those)... and we're all trying to do the best we can (from our own perspectives... and to me that includes all the Narcissists, all the cake-eaters, and everyone... they can only be who they are and see life as they do, however twisted). LNAF... I have a feeling it will all work out OK for you because, for whatever fortuitious or hard-fought reason, you have decided to fight and do the right thing, and that is SO good to read. For the rest of us who may be there, or almost there, or will be there.. .or will always fight... or whatever we're doing... I wish you (and me) the best. Happy Easter. Sami, your right we all have problems,I think I just meant I needed some help to face things head on as I am..and saying well I might not be so tuff. but I think your right,I'm facing this with best of my ability also thinking of everyone else involved and doing what needs done with as little pain for everyone as possible..including me. I also agree that everyone has to handle things in there own way..that includes our MM's,that why I'm not going to make demands,or force him to do anything..this is his life to and he needs to makes descions on his own. thank you Sami, I really hope your right and I'll be okay..actually I know I will be,it may not be now or tomorrow..but time is on my side,and I'll be on top of my life and that's all that I want. I do hope the best and same for you and all of us here sharing our thoughts..we are in a very shaky boat and it's not always easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel,but it's there, no matter how are stories unfold I know there is a up side to them in one fashion or another. thanks for being so wonderful. LoverNotAFighter, IMHO, I don't think taking any anti depressants has anything to do with strength or lack of it. I think yours is your own, gained through experiences and is a great thing. I hope everything works out like you wish.thank you BI, I really hope the same for you to. perhaps my strengh is my own..some for sure is..but they (anti-depressants) have taken the edge off..thank god..it's easier to shrug my shoulders now a days..could be I'm just really feed up..don't know. either way I'm glad I can do that with allot more ease than before. In fact, in a way, I find your story and solution encouraging. Here I am, bad marriage, not so stellar affair and I must (and will) FIND A way a way to transcend both of them. Otherwise, more and more, it seems like what I have is a collection of men (MM & HUBBY) that annoy me to no end. How crazy is that? I believe you will find a way BI, your so smart and awesome,I love reading your posts and I know you'll be able to get through this,I'm 100% sure of it. lol! I swear,I just said something to that effect to my sister..I said these men of mine are getting on my nerves!! remember I told her and my mom a little of whats going on ,so thats not a crazy statement at all BI ..and also I have a ex boyfriend lurking around my life who won't go away..he has managed to stay friends with everyone in my family and visits them all the time... it's just a matter of time before he hears I'm getting separated and he'll probably be there to catch me. this one has been in my life since I was 11,he's really a sweetie..never been married ,no kids..nice guy,cute as a button..but again I don't want any more around I have one to many as it is.
Author lovernotafighter Posted May 20, 2006 Author Posted May 20, 2006 welp thought it was time to dig up my thread and write you guys and tell you I am in the real NC now..yep. no more going back and forth. no more us clinging and hanging on. at least this is my hope...I told him not to contact me and if I contact him do me the kindness of not responding to my weakness. I told him I'm going through with my divorce and quite honestly what man would let the woman he says he's in love with suffer like this alone and not even be there when she needs him? not the man I want. so I'm sure that drove the nail in permanent like... but I think he may have wanted this to..he actually wore his ring in front of me and one of his best friends gave me a ear full about how happy his marriage has been lately..of coarse it's not like I was asking..he offered this freely? sounds suspect to me. but not only that I recently became friends with a girl we both work with and she had stories to tell me of my MM outside of work and his family also which made me gag. I wrote I think last week in the ' what we are going to go one' thread that I found a part time job as a concierge and front desk clerk at a large hotel..and let me tell you ladies it's hard as hell! but the right choice..my brain and body have been so busy this week there is no time for these guys. now I am signing up for a on-line class I need for the degree I was working on a few years ago..so this way any free time I have left will be spent studying..I'm telling you it will be harder than hell...but it is all constructive and beneficial. truth - I feel like pure s*** truth - eventually I'll adopt what my outsides are doing and put them on the insides. remember I mentioned I like to try to act like someone else? well that is what I am doing..acting like someone who is unaffected by all these guys and my broken heart..I hope one day I'll be the person I decided to pretend to be...I like her...I like me...I hope they can meet in the middle. wish me luck..I'm gonna need it (gotta go now to my other job....weee!)
Sami_D Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 LNF... the very best of luck to you. If you've found out he's not worthy of you... then more power to you. Stick with the NC... it works... it will work for you, I am sure... EVEN I, lovesick as I am, have had some hours of happiness knowing the A is over and I have choices now in my life... so ... anyone who is in the slightest bit pissed off with their MM can feel that too, and build on it. Keep Swimming!
Walking away Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 LNF.... Welcome to the NC club. The numbers are growing and those of us who are in it undoubtedly feel that it is the right thing to do. I know I do. I know Sami does. I know Movinon does. I know Reality Check does. I know Blind Illusion does. I know Zara does. I know Jessie does. I know Old Europe does. I know Ozgirl does. I know Ross does. I know Iwanttohope does. And, I know there are more that I can't think of right now. Yes, it is hard. No one will tell you that it is easy. But those of us who are instituting it and STAYING WITH IT will tell you that it is bearable. We are surviving through it and so will you. Remember the book, girl! No settling! You are doing the right thing. I am positive of it. Welcome to the club. You are amongst friends.
Iwanttohope Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 You can do this LNF--even though NC is an hour by hour battle for me, I would rather work through this intense pain and have it behind me than daily live with the pain of knowing I'm not important enough to him to not allow anything to keep himself from me. There isn't a doubt in my mind (this minute--that could change in the nxt minute) that my xMM loves me and I completely understand that he's up against leaving his children...but... he's not with me is he? The waiting roller coaster has had devastating emotional and physical effects on me not to mention how it has affected my dignity and self worth. I wish I could even say that I was the one that ended it and established NC--I wasn't. He had to tell me that while he loved me he could not stand hurting me anymore by making me wait while he worked through counseling to see if his family could be salvaged. I know he's right but it hurts like hell. I pray that someday I'll walk through on the other side a much stronger and healthier person. (At least Walking Away and Sami D assure me I will--so I'm counting on it!!!) This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I hope to never face this kind of wreckage again. I pray that for every one of us going through NC. If you feel weak then come here and send out an SOS--we'll throw you a lifeline. You can do this--I have to believe we all can. Could you all please remind me of this when I start to cave again??
Walking away Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 You write us and let us know when you are weakening...and we will be there for you in full force! You can count on it. Our dignity, our self respect, our emotional health, and our lives are in the balance here. We are right here with you.... We are just a computer screen away! Huge hugs to all of you! WA
Iwanttohope Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 How are you holding up WA? I'm getting some of my strength from your resolve.
Walking away Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Doing good. Continuing on just like you. Still totally believe that we are absolutely doing the right thing. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me. Keep believing in yourself. I believe in you. WA
Blind Illusion Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 welp thought it was time to dig up my thread and write you guys and tell you I am in the real NC now..yep. no more going back and forth. no more us clinging and hanging on. at least this is my hope...I told him not to contact me and if I contact him do me the kindness of not responding to my weakness. I told him I'm going through with my divorce and quite honestly what man would let the woman he says he's in love with suffer like this alone and not even be there when she needs him? not the man I want. wish me luck..I'm gonna need it (gotta go now to my other job....weee!) I wish you all the luck in the world and all the friendship too, no matter what you do about this eventually. I know how hard it is. Last night I was so tempted to write him an email telling him I was taking the Court test today (which I mentioned in our Moving On Thread) like he was my best friend in all the world. I really used to believe he really was but like you, find he isn't really there for me. In fact, he takes me for granted. Or should I say "TOOK"!!! I have been through such a busy week also and I find that helps me not think so much. I always think so much anyhow and that can be my undoing also. Anyhow, I just wanted to say that my inbox is always there for you, if you feel like emailing or venting. Not that everyone else hasn't been really super here, at our forum, but you were the first person that made me feel very welcome at this place.
aktieb0cka Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Lovernotafighter, I wish you luck. N/C is not easy, but I can say everyday that you don't contact him, you get a satisfation with the progress that you are making. I am on day 8. Didn't think that I could make it that far, but I did! I am not going to lie. I want to talk to him so freaken bad, but that is what is driving me not to talk to him, as well. I just try to stay busy.
movinon05 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 LNF!! I'm proud of you! You can do this, I KNOW you can. And we'll be here with you every step of the way.
Author lovernotafighter Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 LNF... the very best of luck to you. If you've found out he's not worthy of you... then more power to you. Stick with the NC... it works... it will work for you, I am sure... EVEN I, lovesick as I am, have had some hours of happiness knowing the A is over and I have choices now in my life... so ... anyone who is in the slightest bit pissed off with their MM can feel that too, and build on it. Keep Swimming! Sami I totally feel you..I ask myself why him?? why did I have to fall in love with this fricken guy?? Grrr..I don't know if it's that he isn't worthy..it's just well,this is going to sound awful..but first his friend was telling me how much happier they are together these days...and then basically told me my MM's wife is a nut case that ruled over my MM. then the woman I work with told me when ever she see's my MM and his family outside of work they look like they all just picked there clothes up off the floor...she has no clue about my MM and I just that we talk a little at work..then she went on to say his wife is hideous and bitchy and doesn't know what he sees in her. this all pissed me off so badly..I have no business being pissed off about this..but this little part of me is like WTF?? I know I don't know the half of what goes on in his life..but this isn't what I wanted to hear.blah. thanks girl..I'll be a swimming LNF.... Welcome to the NC club. The numbers are growing and those of us who are in it undoubtedly feel that it is the right thing to do. I know I do. I know Sami does. I know Movinon does. I know Reality Check does. I know Blind Illusion does. I know Zara does. I know Jessie does. I know Old Europe does. I know Ozgirl does. I know Ross does. I know Iwanttohope does. And, I know there are more that I can't think of right now. Yes, it is hard. No one will tell you that it is easy. But those of us who are instituting it and STAYING WITH IT will tell you that it is bearable. We are surviving through it and so will you. Remember the book, girl! No settling! You are doing the right thing. I am positive of it. Welcome to the club. You are amongst friends. WA you have been such a pillar of strength for all of us..much love 4 you,thank you for always being on our side *hugs* You can do this LNF--even though NC is an hour by hour battle for me, I would rather work through this intense pain and have it behind me than daily live with the pain of knowing I'm not important enough to him to not allow anything to keep himself from me. There isn't a doubt in my mind (this minute--that could change in the nxt minute) that my xMM loves me and I completely understand that he's up against leaving his children...but... he's not with me is he? The waiting roller coaster has had devastating emotional and physical effects on me not to mention how it has affected my dignity and self worth. I wish I could even say that I was the one that ended it and established NC--I wasn't. He had to tell me that while he loved me he could not stand hurting me anymore by making me wait while he worked through counseling to see if his family could be salvaged. I know he's right but it hurts like hell. I pray that someday I'll walk through on the other side a much stronger and healthier person. (At least Walking Away and Sami D assure me I will--so I'm counting on it!!!) This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I hope to never face this kind of wreckage again. I pray that for every one of us going through NC. If you feel weak then come here and send out an SOS--we'll throw you a lifeline. You can do this--I have to believe we all can. Could you all please remind me of this when I start to cave again?? you hit the nail on the head IWH..that what it was for me..if I am really that important to him he would be with me...at least be a shoulder for me to cry on when I need him,but he isn't...this is not my idea of meing in love..at least his love for me isn't on the same scale as mine for him..and that will not do. I know I'll need a SOS many times..we work together but fortunatly on different shifts..we are only one week one..but it's been the best NC so far..neither of us has cracked..and I sincerly don't plan on it. I will try to be here more and throw you a life line as well ;-) I wish you all the luck in the world and all the friendship too, no matter what you do about this eventually. I know how hard it is. Last night I was so tempted to write him an email telling him I was taking the Court test today (which I mentioned in our Moving On Thread) like he was my best friend in all the world. I really used to believe he really was but like you, find he isn't really there for me. In fact, he takes me for granted. Or should I say "TOOK"!!! I have been through such a busy week also and I find that helps me not think so much. I always think so much anyhow and that can be my undoing also. Anyhow, I just wanted to say that my inbox is always there for you, if you feel like emailing or venting. Not that everyone else hasn't been really super here, at our forum, but you were the first person that made me feel very welcome at this place. BI I wanted to comment in that thread how proud I was of you taking control of your life...we have to do this for our selves 'cause no one else is going to resuce us..you know what I mean? not our H's or our MM's thats for sure. how did your court test go? I'm so glad you are doing this..you are very much like me..I can't turn off my brain..it's my biggest problem..I realise I have to use my brain for something else before I snap. and these guys just aren't worth losing our sanity over. my inbox is always open to you to BI..you and zara and WA all let me write you when I had my melt down..I felt so out of control..it was horrid,I will never forget all of you lovely ladies kindness..this forum is like the greatest thing isn't it? you know if we all become pen pals,we can at least thank our MM's for that..I feel very fortunate to have meet you and everyone one else who have shown me such kindness and support. :-) oh by the way BI did you ever decide whether to tell him your going NC or are you just letting go? I have been gone for a little while I know I missed alot,I'm sorry. Lovernotafighter, I wish you luck. N/C is not easy, but I can say everyday that you don't contact him, you get a satisfation with the progress that you are making. I am on day 8. Didn't think that I could make it that far, but I did! I am not going to lie. I want to talk to him so freaken bad, but that is what is driving me not to talk to him, as well. I just try to stay busy. doesn't 8 days feel like a life time? I can't believe how hard this is.. it makes me nuts, but I am reminding myself everyday that this is just as much his fault as mine..at first I was so worried about hurting his feelings..am I nuts or something..what about mine? good luck on your n/c as well,and thanks LNF!! I'm proud of you! You can do this, I KNOW you can. And we'll be here with you every step of the way. movinon! thank you *hugs* I will need help.I'm gonna have some bad days coming up..I feel this hole in my belly yanno? like it's going to swallow my soul. I'll be looking for you to cry on. actually all of you...your all so wonderful..I wish I could express how much you all mean to me..I really love you guys,I couldn't have came this far if I didn't have all of you to encourage me and rivet me into making my life whole again..I don't know how I will ever be able to thank you all enough..perhaps we can all linger here and teach new OW's/OM's of the lessons we have learned..perhaps that is why we were all meant to be here. to save people like you all have saved me. love yens :-)
aktieb0cka Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 doesn't 8 days feel like a life time? I can't believe how hard this is.. it makes me nuts, but I am reminding myself everyday that this is just as much his fault as mine..at first I was so worried about hurting his feelings..am I nuts or something..what about mine? good luck on your n/c as well,and thanks Yes, it does. I feel like I am quitting smoking..actually that was easier..Go figure. Yeah, I think it is time that you worry about yourself now!!
Sami_D Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 ... doesn't 8 days feel like a life time? Yes... lol... it does. But I can report from the front... IT GETS BETTER!
Walking away Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Yep.... I am a week behind Sami...three weeks and counting.... It gets better. I promise!
Author lovernotafighter Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 my MM sent me the best and worst letter today..he admitted everything I ever thought about about him..how he is in love but doesn't show it and probably isn't the same level of in love as me...but he blamed it on his wife! he said in the many years he has been married he has become ruined and will not allow him self to become very deep in emotions with anyone..though he feels he is in love with me,he knows he hasn't shown it as a man in love would. he tried to throw in hope by saying he hopes one day it will be him who I share my life with but if I don't except him he has no one to blame but himself. most of his letter was logical..but then he gave me this totally terrible explaination of why he hasn't left his wife..and to me it sounded like he wanted me to think he was a piece of s***. listen to this...he told me he has treated his wife poorly on purpose with the hopes she would leave him and she won't..he says he has done this for years ?? why would anyone tell someone especially thier lover something this f%$ked up? he says he won't leave because then he will be the bad guy...this is so bizarre. but I am not going to give him a relpy...what he expects is anyones guess
movinon05 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 That's terrible!! WTF! Purposely treating his W badly!! What a schmuck! And then he still stays!! He has no respect for her and I'm sure she's doing her best (or not) trying to keep it together, still washing his clothes, cooking his dinner, etc., etc., etc. Pitiful excuses. So do you really want him? Sorry, but bleck!! I hope you don't write him back. He's feeling all sorts of pity for himself and trying to look like a good guy in a f*&d up way! I'd be afraid to get in a R with him even if he did leave his W!
Author lovernotafighter Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 I was wondering if he wants me to be afraid of a real relationship with him or something...even if what he is saying is true..WTF is he telling me for? and as long as I known him it seemed like the story I was getting till now is he was her doormat ... I think after a week of NC he is trying to freak me out or something. believe me the more crap falling out of his mouth the more I want nothing to do with this. he is a brilliant man so I have to question "is he trying to push me away kicking and screaming?" he has to be lying..I just can't believe this. oh no movin I'm not planning writing him ziltch. I always thought he was a ruined man..and he admits it but it was his choice to pull him self up by his boots straps and heal him self..I was here to help him..but now he is saying he's done these things to her on purpose to make her leave and she won't so he is miserable and don't know how to love properly? such rubbish, I can't figure this out..but like you said he's having a pity party and is probably trying to hurt me but in the same token 1-make me think he doesn't love his wife. and 2-make me think it's not his fault he's hurting me...I guarantee he spent hours crafting this letter to me to f^&k up my brain..it isn't happening.
Jessie61 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 listen to this...he told me he has treated his wife poorly on purpose with the hopes she would leave him and she won't..he says he has done this for years ?? why would anyone tell someone especially thier lover something this f%$ked up? he says he won't leave because then he will be the bad guy...this is so bizarre. LMF, Oh. My. God. This is unbelievable! What a manipulative coward the man is!!! I also suspect that if he googled "narcissist" or even "sociopath", he'd recognise himself in the list of sympthoms! In this day and age, what is wrong with just saying "I don't love you anymore and this is not working out!"? It is not as though it is a particularly rare occurence, and I'd say very few people are thrown to the lions for leaving an unhappy M.... What a coward! I would also suspect that as well as manipulating his W, he is also trying to manipulate you. Please be careful. You have probably been through enough already...? My first boyfriend probably was a sociopath. No, not the murdering type! But so incredibly manipulative it was scary to think about it afterwards... He really messed with my head for YEARS after we split up. DON'T allow this to happen to you!!! Please!!!
rossm Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 he told me he has treated his wife poorly on purpose with the hopes she would leave him and she won't..he says he has done this for years ?? . WTF? How cruel. Unless it's just a story. he says he won't leave because then he will be the bad guy. If he is treating W this way, he already is the bad guy.
Author lovernotafighter Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 I looked up characteristics of a sociopath like Jessi mentioned, oh boy what a eye opener...he fits almost every criteria. even with me in the beginning when I was certain he was falling in love with me..it was obvious he was fighting it off tooth and nail..it was like he was fighting off a cold or something. (talk about zapping the fun out of a love affair,ack!) though in some ways he was like me..throwing up,shaking,pacing the floors and such..I wonder how much of a sociopath I might be as well. ( re: my post to Sami on the other page. some of my problem was hearing that outside of work he and family don't take of them selves and his wife isn't very kind or pretty...why should this have bothered me?) I alway believed I shook down many emotions and they came out in ways I described rather than me having to deal with them..the article I read suggested many women are drawn to men who possess these characteristics because they have some of them them selves and/or is narcissistic. he admitted in this last letter he is a coward and would rather chase his W off then leave and have everyone frown on him and her use there son against him. it is sick to me what I have wrote to you all about. rossm- I kinda believe only half of this..see it seems when ever I would tell him to work on his M he would take the defense stance (who knows why) and with this NC I told him to love his wife and work on his marriage..I am doing nothing to help his life...so after a week of NC he says this nasty crap. but it also seems to me that he may have said this stuff to make me think he was a piece of s***..I basically told him with this NC as well that his actions push me away and what man in love would behave the way he does? so he basically tells me he's doing to his wife what I believe he was doing to me? like I mentioned he wore his ring in front of me..one of his best friends just told me how happy his marriage has been and he always mentions things to me he is doing for his wife. I wish I could figure out what his motives are in saying these things..but to be honest I'm so feed up it hardly matters any more.
Jessie61 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I looked up characteristics of a sociopath like Jessi mentioned, oh boy what a eye opener...he fits almost every criteria. I alway believed I shook down many emotions and they came out in ways I described rather than me having to deal with them..the article I read suggested many women are drawn to men who possess these characteristics because they have some of them them selves and/or is narcissistic. he admitted in this last letter he is a coward and would rather chase his W off then leave and have everyone frown on him and her use there son against him. it is sick to me what I have wrote to you all about. rossm- I kinda believe only half of this..see it seems when ever I would tell him to work on his M he would take the defense stance (who knows why) and with this NC I told him to love his wife and work on his marriage..I am doing nothing to help his life...so after a week of NC he says this nasty crap. but it also seems to me that he may have said this stuff to make me think he was a piece of s***..I basically told him with this NC as well that his actions push me away and what man in love would behave the way he does? so he basically tells me he's doing to his wife what I believe he was doing to me? like I mentioned he wore his ring in front of me..one of his best friends just told me how happy his marriage has been and he always mentions things to me he is doing for his wife. I wish I could figure out what his motives are in saying these things..but to be honest I'm so feed up it hardly matters any more. LNF, I also read about sociopaths somewhere, and I had the same reaction "OMG!" because I recognised my first boyfriend so well... But I also read that the women that are attracted to them (or that the SOCIOPATH is attrected to) usually have self esteem issues, having come from emotionally cold homes, constant criticism leaving them wanting to please and become led by a seemingly "strong" person... Enter the sociopath! Anyway, I don't know how much fits your MM, but I do recognise this agonising and analysing of each and every situation which results in a complete head spin in the end, and you're still none the wiser for it! I remember being so confused at times by the signals that I was getting from my BF (from being so kind to being outright and deliberately NASTY) that I didn't know if I was coming or going.... But I have since realise that this is part of the manipulation.... This is part of the game. Again, I don't actually know if your MM fits "the sociopath bill", BUT please try not to fret over these things! Concentrate on IMPORTANT things. Don't worry about his motives... If he is anything like my ex BF, then sadistic entertainment might be one of them.... There might be NO logic behind his reasoning or actions....
Author lovernotafighter Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 ALIENATED SOCIOPATHS have never developed the ability to love, empathize, or affiliate in real life with another person. They will show more emotion toward their pet or a personal artifact than toward a person. Or, they may hate animals and live out their emotional life by watching TV (identification with soap opera characters is a common pattern). Dating and marriage relationships will be very barren and empty. They won't get along with the neighbors. They live in a shell. They have a cold, callous attitude toward human suffering or any social problem in the society they live in. They just don't care because it's outside their range of empathy. Most will believe they are justified in this because they feel they were cheated in some way themselves by society, and a few will be more than happy to rant and rave about it to anyone who listens. They are chronic complainers, and underneath it all, they would like to see nothing better than all of society destroyed. List of Common Sociopathic Traits Egocentricity; Callousness; Impulsivity; Conscience defect; Exaggerated sexuality; Excessive boasting; Risk taking; Inability to resist temptation; Antagonistic, deprecating attitude toward the opposite sex; Lack of interest in bonding with a mate---------------------------------------------------------------------- so here where my MM fits the bill 'X' marks the spot Egocentricity; X Callousness; X Impulsivity; X Conscience defect; X Exaggerated sexuality; X Excessive boasting; Risk taking;X Inability to resist temptation; X Antagonistic, deprecating attitude toward the opposite sex; Lack of interest in bonding with a mate X so out all that he just doesn't beat his chest and all women but the ones he is involved with he seems genuinely warm and healthy towards? your right though Jess, I really can't worry about it..unless he comes to me divorced because thats the only way I told him I'd try anything again..I really plan on sticking to my guns here
Jessie61 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 your right though Jess, I really can't worry about it..unless he comes to me divorced because thats the only way I told him I'd try anything again..I really plan on sticking to my guns here Good for you! Stick to your plan and everything else should work itself out, yeah???
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