blueberry Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 in the process of breaking up...he has invited his mother to come and stay. she arrives in 3 days time. we dont speak the same language although i can understand a lot of what she says and i can make myself understood. its just such bad timing and im not sure i can deal with the pressure of having her in the house right now. she needs "looking after" whilst she is here as she doesnt know her way around and what with the language barriers and all. my husband is going away for 3 days when she arrives and is effectively leaving me with her. i am trying to find a place to move into and am trying to get my belongings and paperwork in order. I also work full in the headquarters of a global IT company and my job is stressful. she doesnt know about any of our problems and most certainly is not aware of me making plans to move out. however husband has taken it upon himself to tell all his friends and work colleagues about our situ - my family live on the other side of the world. all his friends are colleague are from the same country as my husband and his mother which means - despite my shame and embarrassment - I will have to take her round to everyones house to visit and sit there trying to hold my head up. i just dont know what to do - shall i treat this as the "long goodbye, bite my tongue and just deal with her being in the house for a couple of weeks (live a lie as it were) and move once she has gone home - or do i make a stand and tell him i cant deal with it right now? perhaps i should also mention - she is coming because there is a solar eclipse coming soon which my husband believes is linked with earthquakes and such. he and his mother survived a massive 9.2 quake several years ago which saw them lose there friends neighbours and home (and around 20,000 people from their town). I can understand his paranoia and concern for his mothers safety - father-in-law passed away recently. its just bad timing and im not sure i can handle the stress of it all right now. am i being selfish? m
Tony T Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 You aren't being selfish at all. You need to put a STOP to this visit. Let them get through the earthquake with each other and not involve you. Get moved as quickly as possible. You have no obligations whatsoever for babysitting your soon to be ex's mama. If she didn't have the language problem it might be easier. Life is way too show to saddle yourself with something you need not have a part in. Let your ex know you are having to deal with a lot of emotional things right now and this visit is highly inappropriate. Perhaps your not being assertive and standing up for yourself is part of the cause of the end of your marriage...or maybe the opposite. There are very diplomatic reasons for not doing things which aren't yours to do in the first place. Move soon!
Curmudgeon Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Agreed! He's being totally inconsiderate and disingenuous. If you're leaving anyway then don't put your plans on hold for his convenienced, or his mother's.
Pink_Tulip Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Is this an amicable divorce? Are there kids involved? If yes, then I think you should grin and bear it. I don't think kids should see mom treating grandma badly, you know? If there are no kids, or if it is not amicable or MIL is rude or disrespectful to you, you need to tell the ex you understand his concern for his mother, but it is HIS concern and HIS responsibility, you are too busy and stressed with your own issues right now. Good luck. Edited to ask- why are you ashamed and embarassed about your divorce?
Author blueberry Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 nope, no kids involved (he says i'd be a terrible mother and how could he trust me with kids if i come home drunk from the office). sigh m
MusicWoman Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 just as the others have said.... you don't need to do this. It would be a horrible time for his mother to visit even if he was still going to be at home. Its selfish to not help her..but you deserve to be selfish right now.
magda Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Just let him know that you aren't going to be spending time with his mother or taking her anywhere.
michelangelo Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 And get your stuff out of there before she arrives.
catgirl1927 Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I agree. Take a vacation day and get your stuff out of the house. Move out before all this goes down. He sounds mean and entirely inconsiderate of your feelings. Just get out.
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