RetroMan Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 ...is timing important? Slightly odd question I know but I'll explain what I mean... Basically, there's a girl who I quite like who I'm always promising myself I'll ask out, but when I'm in her presence I always think to myself "Oh, now's not a good time" or "We haven't been chatting that much today so it'll seem a bit odd if I asked her out now" etc... and always end up chickening out. I find myself getting a bit sick of having to find the perfect moment to ask her out. What I'm wondering is whether that's even important...I mean, if she liked me and if I even had a remote chance, would it matter if I asked for her number, say, if we were passing in a corridor? Could the answer be different if we were chatting and I managed to seamlessly slip in the question? We chat a fair bit but it's often when people are around and I know it's not a good idea to do it in front of others, but I just get so sick of waiting and wondering whether, by chance, the 'perfect moment' might happen today or not. Apologies if this post isn't particularly eloquent...but I find it hard to describe. If anyone understands what the hell I'm on about, please help!
MadDog Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 It sounds like you're just scared of rejection. Here's the bottom line: if a girl's into you, when you ask her out she's going to say yes 95% of the time. Even if she has to say no that 5% of the time because she's legitimately busy, she'll try to set up something for when she's not. Don't wait for the perfect moment. It's just your mind playing tricks on you so that you won't have to ask her out and risk rejection. Are people there? So what, ask her out anyway. What if she says no? Oh well. You're not any worse off than you started. Even if she's not interested, there are literally millions more girls in your area. Don't forget that, it's important. MD
Author RetroMan Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 I know. I'm sure you're right. When I'm thinking about it at home it seems so easy. I just panic when she's there in front of me. Suddenly, the idea of saying "Shall we swap numbers? Maybe we should get together sometime?" seems like the most uncomfortable thing in the world to me...so much that it'll make me almost cringe to think of it. How do I get over that? It's about time I did cos I'm 22 years old. I was lucky with my last girlfriend cos she pretty much made all the first moves so I didn't have to do much work. It just feels like that if I have the slightest doubt in my mind that I'll get a positive answer and not be looked at as if I'm some sort of weirdo, I can't bring myself to do it.
MadDog Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 The only way you can get over your fear is to just take the plunge. Even if she turns you down (unlikely given what you've said), you'll realize that it wasn't that bad. Then you'll have to the confidence with the next girl cause you know that even if she says no, it's not going to be that bad. Like Nike says, just do it. Good luck and let us know how it turns out. MD
Author RetroMan Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 Cool. Thanks, I'll try. Anyone got any tips on how to battle my paranoia if I start to chicken out again? Things I can say to myself etc...? It feels odd to be so unconfident again even though I had a great relationship with my ex, had really good sex etc... and yet I'm doubting myself. This is the first time that I've felt this way about a girl since my ex though and I'd rather not screw it up...don't think it's just a 'rebound' infatuation either.
jerbear Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Well... This is unconventional. Have a friend push you to do it, peer pressure. Honestly, if you chicken out, you already know your answer; no to dating becuase you didn't say a thing. If you have to, write it on paper and read it to her. Lame as it sounds, you MIGHT be lame and yet cute.
MadDog Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Well... This is unconventional. Have a friend push you to do it, peer pressure. Honestly, if you chicken out, you already know your answer; no to dating becuase you didn't say a thing. If you have to, write it on paper and read it to her. Lame as it sounds, you MIGHT be lame and yet cute. No no no! Whatever you do, do NOT write it on paper and read it to her (assuming you ever want to get anywhere with girls again.) Seriously, that would be about as lame as it gets. If you're that awkward just asking a girl out, what do you think she'll think you're like in the bedroom. Just go out there and do it man. If you sound a little nervous your first time, so what? Just do it. Just say this: "So, any cool plans for this weekend?" However she responds unless she's out of town, follow up with, "We should hang out, get something to eat. I know this place that's supposed to be really good." It's that simple man. If she says no, then that's her loss and you next her. Simple as can be. MD
Bballswingr Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 wow weird i was goin to come on here and post a topic just like this... im the same way.I'm cool and relaxed when just talking to her, but then when im ready to ask her out i get too nervous and just dont do it. I know she likes me too, i feel your pain dude...haha
BigB Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Start with "I've been wanting to do this for a while, but I get really nervious..." then ask her out... If she's into you, she'll think it's cute. If she says no, you find that it's not all that bad, and the next one will be easier.
SuperMonk Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 I do this too, sometimes I go hmm I called her twice and she hasn't picked up. I'm going to a wait a month and try again. And usually they pick up. So yes sometimes there is a right time. But then again I didn't call a week later or 2 weeks later, I waited a month.
Author RetroMan Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 Start with "I've been wanting to do this for a while, but I get really nervious..." then ask her out... If she's into you, she'll think it's cute. If she says no, you find that it's not all that bad, and the next one will be easier. Not sure about saying that I get really nervous, although I might mention that I wanted to say something a couple of months back but decided not to because I had only just split with my ex, but now feel that I'm ready. At least that might show that I think things through a bit and am sensitive to her feelings? Well, next time I see her will be tomorrow so I'll keep you posted. There is a party where I work on Friday, although she is working the bar which is a bit annoying so there may not be much time to chat...I'm so much more brave when I'm lightly pished. Unfortunately she rarely...if ever is, cos she always drives home and so doesn't drink. She also seems quite shy and is also self-confessed as being quite 'picky'. I know a few people who have tried it on with her but she's never responded. At least I won't know that I'm not the only one who has crashed and burned if I get a negative response.
Author RetroMan Posted April 1, 2006 Author Posted April 1, 2006 Well, just in case anyone is interested I saw her today, and I told her about a party gathering that someone is having at their house tomorrow and asked her if she was going and she said that she might...so later on I asked her again and still said she might...and then finally when it was time to go home I said once again "so are you coming tomorrow?" with a smile on my face and said that I'd like her to go because if (so and so) aren't going, I won't have anyone to chat to. She responded by saying she probably will and she had a nice big smile on her face and then we said goodnight. Just wondered if you think that might suggest my intentions? I know by reading this it might sound like I was badgering her to go, but I only mentioned it three times and the last time was sort of cheeky, like I was trying to convince her. I was criticised on here a while ago for being too subtle or not forward enough so I'm never sure. She's often quite smiley when she talks to me...that's a good sign isn't it? Sorry...I'm one of those unconfident types that needs constant reassurance!
BigB Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 Sounds like a good start. If she goes to the party, tell her you're happy to see her, etc. and flirt away. After a couple drinks that should be no problem. good luck.
Vertex Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 Ever seen Office Space? The way Peter Gibbons asks out the waitress at the restaurant is probably the best way to go. In other words he is very nonchalant and informal, giving a tone of "If you'd like to that's cool, but if you don't that's cool too." Basically just treat it like a harmless thing, with the idea being that if you two start to have fun it can become more serious naturally. I would not ask someone to do something over and over again, because it can give an aura of desperation (then again it depends on how you go about asking the question), but at this point you've made it pretty clear that you'd like her to go. If she goes, great, if not, maybe go for someone else that has a more stronger initial attraction to you.
Author RetroMan Posted April 1, 2006 Author Posted April 1, 2006 Sound advice. I don't think it came across as desperate or anything...or at least I like to think it didn't. I normally go out of my way to try and hide any interest so I thought I'd try the opposite for once. This was over the space of about four hours...and the last time I mentioned it to her, like I said, was almost a bit cheeky as if to say "you do realise why I keep bringing this up don't you?". I also repeated the question, not because of desperation, but also because I get the impression that she is quite shy (and I think she mentioned something to that effect once), and very rarely goes to this kind of thing and instead would normally just head off home at the end of the night, so I thought a little extra persuasion might go down well. Thought she might benefit from knowing that she is wanted.
Author RetroMan Posted April 2, 2006 Author Posted April 2, 2006 Oh well, she didn't go in the end. I guess I can gauge her level of interest (or lack thereof) from that. At least she did actually phone up where I work just to leave a message with someone to tell me that she wouldn't be going, but I guess that's only polite.
MadDog Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Oh well, she didn't go in the end. I guess I can gauge her level of interest (or lack thereof) from that. At least she did actually phone up where I work just to leave a message with someone to tell me that she wouldn't be going, but I guess that's only polite. Dude. You still haven't asked her out. Asking her if you're going somewhere that you will be at is not asking her out. You're going to have to make some kind of move here and soon or else she's going to lose whatever interest she has. Please, for the love of god, ask this chick out! Get her digits, go out to dinner. Just do it! MD
Author RetroMan Posted April 2, 2006 Author Posted April 2, 2006 *Sigh* I know. I was just hoping it could happen nice and naturally...you know? Get drunk, and kiss and not have to worry about any awkward situation where I have to take her to one side and ask for her number. That's how alot of people I know get together...they never have to do the whole 'asking out' thing. Unfortunately this girl seems quite shy and doesn't seem to go out much. To be honest, I don't really either. I just hoped that if she did have any interest, she might have made the effort to go...unless she wants me to just bite the bullet and approach her... ...or she just isn't interested. I guess I don't really have that much evidence to suggest there is any interest. It's hard to tell though. She once mentioned that she is quite shy and takes her a while to feel comfortable with people and that if she fancies someone that she will try and hide it. Oh, I don't know. I do know what the answer to this is but, like I say, when it comes down to doing it, the idea just makes me cringe and I start to sweat. The more I analyse, the harder it'll get, and I don't think it's going to get any easier now.
MadDog Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Oh, I don't know. I do know what the answer to this is but, like I say, when it comes down to doing it, the idea just makes me cringe and I start to sweat. The more I analyse, the harder it'll get, and I don't think it's going to get any easier now. I'll make it very simple for you. The next time you see her, ask her to hang out, just the two of you. When she says yes, get her number so you can set up the details (where and when.) If you don't do this, I WILL CLOTHESLINE YOU. Does that give you enough incentive to do this? MD
Author RetroMan Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 Well, I'm going to have to wait until at least Thursday now before I see her again. Frustrating because I know that she's off college for a couple of weeks cos she was making comments about how she'd be bored and was trying to think of things to do. If I hadn't gambled on her going to this party in order to make my move, and had just asked for her number instead, then this would have been a perfect time to hang out with her! Dagnammit!
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