IMUSTBEMAD Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Hi everyone, new here! To cut a long story short I was working in Tenerife for a week about three months ago and I met this guy, got speaking and found out he comes from the UK (where I live), not just that but lived half an hour away from where I live. We hit it off straight away and he told me from the off he had a girlfriend, strange but true I actually kind of know the girl, not friends but she works in the same industry as I do. I thought ok, nothing is gonna happen but guess what...............it did, ok so I thought it would be a "holiday fling" - wrong, it wasn't, we've been seeing each other ever since like 3 times a week (ha, all depending on when he can get away), he works away a lot and also abroad a lot so it's not hard for him to get away and he's not married, it's his girlfriend of 4 years, but tech speaking I'm still his/the other woman. At first I thought it would just be sex and I liked it like that, I don't wanna go into gross details but the sex is like nothing else (we just click) but I've started to now get jealous of his girlfriend and the time he spends with her and the thought of those two sleeping together really makes me feel sick - sick with anger, sick with jealousey, sick with unhappiness, sick with rage, sick with everything, it's eating me up but I can't leave him - I love the guy, he's totally perfect in everyway (apart from the fact he's got a GF), never met a bloke like him before but I can't go on like this, it's messing up my head and really, I don't need that, every relationship I've been in before the bloke has been a total idiot and messed up my head but how do I end this without killing the last bit of heart I've got left? We used to text each other all the time (all just sex stuff) but now the text's are getting shorter, not less, but shorter i.e. he'll now just text 'Thinking about you babe, miss you' etc. where as before they used to be long and detailed. He's in London at the mo working and I won't see him now until Tuesday but I'm also parranoid he's got someone else down there because since he's been there, he's had his phone switched off once, the text's are a lot shorter, basically just little thing's that make my head think 'hmm, everything is just getting a little less' - if you know what I mean. Everything seemed amazing at first in everyway but now thing's are looking just 'ok', just not the same as before - it's hard to explain but I refuse to just be there when he wants me, it wasn't like that before. Sorry if this is long, I spose what I'm really looking for is a fairytale, I'm only 20 (21 in May) and what I'm wanting to hear is 'oh, he'll leave her and you two will live together happily ever after' no, I'm not that dumb or sad lol, that's not gonna happen and that's not what I'm gonna hear from you guy's, so go on, tell it to me straight, I need to hear it, I really do, in fact I need a good old slap round the chops and to wake-up but like I said, I'm now so emotionally involved and I'm gonna get hearbroken no matter what happens. Gosh, that feels better, you guy's are the only people who know this! Please help!!! Mwah, xxx
scarletletter Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 I think you already know the answer. If he is not married to the girl, he has every opportunity to leave her and be with the one that he really loves. Doesn't matter how long they have been together, he could break up with her and life would go on...no children, i'm assuming? Does he ever speak of leaving her for you? If not, I think the answer is very clear.
Author IMUSTBEMAD Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 Thanks Scarlet for the reply, much appreciated! If anyone else has anything to add please do as I need all the feedback I can get at the mo... He has a little girl but that's with another woman, he hardly ever see's her. He has never once spoke to me about leaving her. All he's said, is that their 4 year relationship is now running thin, they don't have sex much and when they do it's just straight forward boring sex (don't think I really believe that lol), he also says he's don't really attracted to her in a physical way anymore, he loves her as a person but not physical. He's also said that he can see their relationship braking down anyway soon, but whether he's just saying that because he knows it's what I want to hear I don't know, but I really don't think I've got the strength in me to wait around and see if that's true and actually happens. By the way, there is quite a big age gap, I'm nearly 21 and he's 37, do you think this could be playing a big factor i.e. he thinks because I'm young I'm gonna be nieve too and he'll be able to mess me around? The girl he's with at the mo is 24, so he must like them young lol. Thanks again for the reply hun! xx
newbby Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 i think you will have to take a stand. the most attractive women for a serious relationship are those who know what they want and dont settle for less. it isnt demanding, needy or pushy to state what you require, and then walk away. make sure you do walk away though. if he comes back to you, make sure he is single and ready to give you what you really want. if you think you will be happy with just sex, you are usually deluding yourself. identify in yourself what it is you really want, realise that you deserve it, then ask for it. if he isnt the one to give that to you, you are wasting your time. you have the power to take control of your life, use it.
Seen_It_All Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Mad, it hurts me to see such a smart young lady being manipulated by someone twice her age. This guy's got a crappy track record - a kid with someone else, a 4 year relationship with yet another YOUNG woman, and he's cheating on HER with you. I can't help but wonder what his fascination is with extremely young girls? This girl he's with now was also 20 years old when he started with her. What's the matter, she too 'old' for him now? I'm sensing some SERIOUS pattern behavior here and it's a huge red flag. Are YOU going to be this girl in a few years? You'll be the tender age of 23 or 24 and he'll be out picking up another 20 year old, telling how sex with YOU has become 'boring' and he's not IN love with you anymore? You asked for honest opinions so I'm going to say it - this guy literally makes my skin crawl. His continual pursuit of young women is repulsive.
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