chocolatekisses Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 I have posted many times on this subject and still dont know what to do! I am engaged to a man that I have nothing in common with at all, we clash constantly, but I love him very much and don't want to hurt him! Also over 2 years ago we split up and during that time, I slept with my ex step brother which was truly amazing and unforgettable. Well 7 months ago the ex step brother decided he was moving down south and asked me to come with him, he said I had a decision to make, meanwhile I am living with fiance. I never cheated on fiance but continued to talk to ex step borther since fiance never knew anything like that happend since it was when we broke up. Well after the step brother moved away I never heard from him again, I talk to his father and relay messages but he never calls. I feel lost now! If I break it off with Fiance how will he ever know? I think I may have hurt him a great deal or he was playing games, which I would think he wouldn't do to me. Im lost someone give me some advice!!! I don't want to make a big mistake! Me and step brother have a lot in common so much that its scary! I was never able to tell the step brother exactly how I feel he just told me ho whe felt and we made plans to talk and he left without saying goodbye!!! Help! Im going crazy!
Author chocolatekisses Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 Our parents were married at one time and divorced....So he is my ex step brother!!
My_Other_I Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 And ex step lover? Whoa Maybe you shouldn't say anything besides 'good-bye'. That's probably not what you want to hear though.
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Do not get married. You are hurting your future husband NOW by staying with him. If you don't get along and have nothing incommon, there is NO point in getting married. Big the big person here and end the relationship NOW. Let him get over you and find a woman who he can truely love and be loved back. Don't stay with him out of pity or fear you will hurt him if you end. That is just plain wrong! As for the step-bro thing...You need to be alone, deal with life without your fiancee and get over him 100% before pursuing someone else.
Author chocolatekisses Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 I am scared to death to end it.. I don't have the heart to do it. I do love him but realize we are different!
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Well, you are staying with him for the wrong reasons, and most of all that is NOT fair to him. You have to find the courage to end it because if you don't and you DO get married, you will be living a lie and be miserable. AND, having children will NOT make it better. Why don't you have the heart to do it? Would you rather get married and then cheat on him?
RecordProducer Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 I am scared to death to end it.. I don't have the heart to do it. I do love him but realize we are different!Do you have the heart to live with him without being in love with him? If you love him than any differences can be resolved. However if the differences are so unbearable that you have to fight often whatever love is there, might be ruined later down the road. In any case, if you don't have a heart to break up with him then how is your step-brother relevant anyway? I have a feeling that if he would make any advances to be with you, you'd dump your fiancé in a blink of an eye. But since you don't have another guy in your sleeve, you're staying with your fiancé. If you feel like you would easily dump him for another man then do it now, not when another man shows up in your life. Your wasting your and his precious time and invest in a relationship with no perspective. You might want to swallow your pride and contact the step-brother and see how he feels about you.
Author chocolatekisses Posted April 8, 2006 Author Posted April 8, 2006 I have tried to contact him on many occasions, but he moved like 1500 miles away and I have no # and no address. He has my number but he won't call because I must have really hurt him. I talk to his father all the time and his father doesn't know what is going on, but he told his father that he is not mad at me. I am so confused!!! He told me what if me and him were meant to be and I was with my Fiance at that time. I never cheated on my Fiance this all happened when we were broken up. I have a strong connection with him. Im almost tempted to talk to his Dad about it, but we promised eahcother we would't tell our parents what happened. But he may already know who knows... Could it be he is waiting to here tha I am single to contact me?? I just need to talk to him, not cheat on anyone, just talk!! What the hell can I do at this point??????
Sami_D Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Are you listening to what people are replying to you? You sound like you want at all costs to get this ex-step brother to commit to something before breaking up with your Fiance. That is WRONG. If the relationship with your Fiance is as you describe you need to address that. End it, if you can't work anything out. THEN you can think about contacting this ex-brother. But to be honest, he sounds like a waste of time. Promised you wouldn't tell parents about it? You sound really young and mixed up. You need to slow down and listen to what people are advising here.
zarathustra Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Why are you petrified to end the engagement? fear of being alone? You said that you don't to hurt your fiance, but you hurt him more if you marry someone you clash with all the time. If you decide to end it, you will need time to heal from the relationship. When you have healed and your ex step is available and feels the same way, then there may be a good chance that things may work out.
lovernotafighter Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Why are you petrified to end the engagement? fear of being alone? You said that you don't to hurt your fiance, but you hurt him more if you marry someone you clash with all the time. If you decide to end it, you will need time to heal from the relationship. When you have healed and your ex step is available and feels the same way, then there may be a good chance that things may work out. excellent advice! CK you have to end your engagment,never marry someone out of pity...do you have any idea how hard it will be to leave after the fact..or once you have children..just bite the bullet and do it.
zarathustra Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 excellent advice! CK you have to end your engagment,never marry someone out of pity...do you have any idea how hard it will be to leave after the fact..or once you have children..just bite the bullet and do it. Thanks LNF. While I wasn't tempted at the time I got married, my H knew that I had different goals and desires than he did. I was open and honest about them, but he thought that I was going through a phase. For example, I mentioned that I don't have intentions of having children (I had a rough childhood myself and afraid of repeating history). So for us, there are many issue to work out now aside from what went on when we were separated.
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