Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 She agreed to be in a relationship with me... I'm curious TallOne.. How does one agree to be in a realtionship with another ?.. Be careful .... it seems to me that she just told you what you wanted to hear.. expect problems with this
Author TheTallOne Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 I'm curious TallOne.. How does one agree to be in a realtionship with another ?.. Be careful .... it seems to me that she just told you what you wanted to hear.. expect problems with this You talk about it? Make it official? ANd... how does one tell that she was just saying it, to tell me what I wanted to hear?
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 You talk about it? Make it official? ANd... how does one tell that she was just saying it, to tell me what I wanted to hear? Time .... come back later on and give us an update
Author TheTallOne Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 Time .... come back later on and give us an update I will. I asked her point blank "Do you consider me more than just a friend?" Her answer "Yes I do." "I'd say we're in a relationship after all the things we've been through in the last month or so, wouldn't you?" "Yeah, I'd say so" It went along the lines of something like that....
Mary3 Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Quote: Originally Posted by Art_Critic Time .... come back later on and give us an update I will. I asked her point blank "Do you consider me more than just a friend?" Her answer "Yes I do." "I'd say we're in a relationship after all the things we've been through in the last month or so, wouldn't you?" "Yeah, I'd say so" It went along the lines of something like that ~~~~~~~~~~ This just sounds like bull because everything is on HER terms and a REAL relationship *both* parties are satisfied . I mean, afterall you posted here, so I have to wonder if you are truly satisfied with this ??? Do you really need our thumbs up to tell you this is wonderful.???....um... Not !
amerikajin Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I don't necessarily think you're out, but I don't necessarily think you're in either. The way I see it, she could very well want to take it slowly - and that is definitely a possibility if she got screwed over somehow in a previous relationship. Sometimes, 'let's take it slow' really does have literal meaning. However, the skepticism here isn't unwarranted. Many times, 'let's take it slow' means 'I like you, but I'm not really sure how much I like you'. In that situation, you're forced to build attraction, which takes some time, and the danger of that is someone else could swoop in and immediately press her buttons. I think what you've got to do here is to find out about her past. Be subtle about it, and ask her about her previous relationships. Find out how long it took her to get into her ex's. Generally, history is always a good predictor of future behavior. So if she's telling you that she hooked up with her ex's after a week or two and yet, taking it slow with you...well, I think you'll have your answer right there. The only caveat to that is that with age and experience, people naturally slow down when getting involved with someone, but even so, you should be able to get a good sense for how she paces herself in relationships just by asking the right questions. Be discreet, and try to do it in a way that doesn't immediately make her think 'Ah, I'm being interrogated'. She'll feed you b.s. otherwise.
Yamaha Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Is going slow working for you? I don't think so or you would not be posting here. It might be what she wants but I don't think it is what you want. You can only wait so long and you will know when "going slow" is no longer working for you. I think you are quickly reaching that point.
Mary3 Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Okay I try to put my self in your gf's situation : I break up with you. You beg me to come back. I take you back . Then I put my hand up and say " I want to take this slow " . I wonder what slow means to her ? Slow as in : I will go real slow with you: lest someone comes along :that I am NOT deeply involved with you again, so that the next interesting guy that comes along has a chance when I dump you again." Nuff said ?
jerbear Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I was in one of the start slow relationships in the past. Ended up being support till she met someone better. Now knowing her history helps, but I have found that somethings knowing them better than they do sometimes, really freaks them out. If you are ok with casual dating and you two agree to it, then ok. Otherwise keep it casual, you continue on with life, if she wants to speed it up, deal with it at that time.
Author TheTallOne Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 I think what you've got to do here is to find out about her past. Be subtle about it, and ask her about her previous relationships. Find out how long it took her to get into her ex's. Generally, history is always a good predictor of future behavior. So if she's telling you that she hooked up with her ex's after a week or two and yet, taking it slow with you...well, I think you'll have your answer right there. The only caveat to that is that with age and experience, people naturally slow down when getting involved with someone, but even so, you should be able to get a good sense for how she paces herself in relationships just by asking the right questions. Be discreet, and try to do it in a way that doesn't immediately make her think 'Ah, I'm being interrogated'. She'll feed you b.s. otherwise. I will.. but it'll take time. I do know a bit about her past.. as I am very good friends with her sister. Her prior ex (who was very insecure), used to use the trust she gave him.. against her at a later time. Not only that.. he wanted to be engaged after only a year of being in a relationship with her. Other than that.. it'll take time.
Author TheTallOne Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 Okay I try to put my self in your gf's situation : I break up with you. You beg me to come back. I take you back . Then I put my hand up and say " I want to take this slow " . I wonder what slow means to her ? Slow as in : I will go real slow with you: lest someone comes along :that I am NOT deeply involved with you again, so that the next interesting guy that comes along has a chance when I dump you again." Nuff said ? She said she wanted to "take it slow" the first time around. That isn't new. She is deeply involved with me.. I believe. She wouldn't be talking to me, wanting to meet up with me.. if she wasn't. She opened up more yesterday in our discussion, then the first time around.. or even in the last few weeks. Her reason "I am comfortrable being around you.." or some words like that. She couldn't explain as to why she was comfortrable.. she just felt it like that.
Author TheTallOne Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 I was in one of the start slow relationships in the past. Ended up being support till she met someone better. Now knowing her history helps, but I have found that somethings knowing them better than they do sometimes, really freaks them out. If you are ok with casual dating and you two agree to it, then ok. Otherwise keep it casual, you continue on with life, if she wants to speed it up, deal with it at that time. We're in a relationship - per her and me. We do things together... other than just date. We talk regulary.. and meet up when our schedules fit eachother's needs. I don't know what exactly is beyond this.. as I am very happy/comfortrable with the way things are currently progressing now. Yesterday gave me a good amount of assurance as to whats going on.. I got good vibes from it, as before I got somewhat mixed vibes. I'll continue to get to know her.. her personality/past/ups and downs, and go from there.
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