Chump64 Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 To 'No Comprende': my motivation for reconciling with my cheating husband (10 year affair) is about 40 percent "about the kids." IMO, it can't be ENTIRELY about kids, b/c if the situation is already hairy and untenable, the kids will suffer anyway and could truly be better off with two single but happy, involved parents. I am the product of divorced parents and it actually benefited me quite a bit to have them split up and move on. I can't say the same for my kids though, b/c to the best of their knowledge, we are a stable and functional family, and they have a great dad (albeit a crappy husband -- but he is trying hard to improve that). They haven't a clue what we are going through, because we are doing the work after they are in bed / during our lunch hours together / during counseling sessions. I guess my point is that no marriage is worth saving entirely "for the kids." There has to be more to it, than kids. I feel lucky that there is more to it, in our case.
theantibarbie23 Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 From what I have seen, people that have revenge affairs that wouldn't dream of doing so otherwise often have a hard time accepting what they have done after the fact. It could end up making you feel very badly about yourself and the last thing you need right now is another hit to your feelings of self worth. I think that you need some type of therepy to help you discover why you feel that you HAVE to have a man on your arm in order to feel fufilled. If being alone is really so frightening to you that you'd rather stay in a loveless marriage or risk a relationship with someone that you know has questionable integrity/morals (for the fact they are seeing a married person) right from the start, you need to do some serious soul searching. I wish you the best of luck.
Chump64 Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 There have been quite a few posts lately, posing this same question. I can't help but wonder if it is the same person asking over and over again, trying to either get a reaction / start a debate.
silktricks Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 NOTHING justifies an affair....NOTHING. AMEN AMEN AMEN!!
No comprende Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Chump64, I didn't imply that the marriage should stay together "for the kids" (my reply was a little ambiguous). Of course, that is not a good enough reason for a couple to stay together when everything else about the marriage has turned to s***. Of course, I do know of situations where couples did have kids thinking it will save the marriage. It would not be a pretty picture for children growing up in a home where the parents don't love each other and the wife and/or husband are/is cheating. Also, If divorce/separation happens, in some cases, some parents are so absorbed into starting their new lives they totally neglect the kids (or use them to as pawns to make the ex miserable). A lot of couples fail to realize, when they bring children into this world, they have a responsibility to give that child the best they can, whether they stay together or not. So, I would say for D2T, rather than preparing herself for an affair, she should using that energy and preparing a better life for herself and her kids (if there are kids), with or without the H. C64, hope I explained myself better, also, I wish for the best for you. Driven2this, you need to focus on something other than revenge, that stuff is better left to immature or mean people.
zoidberg Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 You've got to get some counseling and then either decide together to revive your marriage, or decide to leave. An affair will only complicate things badly. You'll have to deal not only with your own guilt, but with any pain you cause him should he find out. Besides, that's not who you should be, nor is it who you want to be.
RecordProducer Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 My eyes are wandering. Here I am a wife who is now looking to have an affair, and I cant find anyone. Good luck!
MrsHellFire Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 It doesn't sound like love exists in that marriage anymore. At least not on his part. Maybe it's time to take the high road and divorce first, before lowering yourself to his level. You said you can't find anyone to cheat with, but 3 men just whistled at you walking by. I'm sure you could find someone easily, but are looking for an excuse to stay and struggle through that crappy marriage. If you are this unhappy, work up the strength to finally leave and that's it.
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