UT_longhorn Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 its been almost 3 months since the breakup i was doing pretty well but recently the lonliness is consuming me. Im gonna guess its cause I've been travling for work going to hotels by myself and having to adjust to a new city, but the past week has been incredibly difficult. Right now, I feel like back to day one. I keep thinking of my ex and running scenarios in my head. I haven't cried a tear for a very long time, but I feel them slowly starting to rise today. I thought I was getting so much better, but this is really dissappointing. Why do I still care so much for someone that barely cares for me. The unfairness of it all kills me. Has this happened to any of you guys? Where you feel like you're making solid progress and all of a sudden things hit you like a ton of bricks? Im scared that I'm going to be stuck in this lonely stage permanently. It's lasted so long. I need some words of encouragement if you guys have any. Thanks.
trone Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 UT, Man, you know we all have been struggling. I understand you very well. I just posted similar comment to another post. I had ups and downs, especially almost two weeks ago, I think I hit bottom really hard. I was in in a depression mood, can't concentrate to work, just dying to be able to talk to her again. But i kept NC, read a bit and visited my therapist and another friend of mine who is also a therapist. You know what I have realized. I did not have respect for myself. I need to make myself happy instead of thinking and blaming myself all over again. We have to keep moving on. You will have worse days but I think one day you will realize that you are becoming to enjoy life again. You are a stong guy, just keep on moving. Think the stages as a healing process and please update us! We are all learning from each others experiences.
CaliGuy Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 UT, are you following the procedures I've mentioned? 1. Go the gym, even if you are travelings. Endorphins=good stuff. 2. Hang out with friends as much as possible. 3. Find new hobbies, especially ones you can take with you on the road. 4. Play "World of Warcraft" if you really want the time to fly by, haha. Have you been to counceling? I just started going again and it's been good!
CaliGuy Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 You know what I have realized. I did not have respect for myself. I need to make myself happy instead of thinking and blaming myself all over again. We have to keep moving on. BINGO! Everything in our lives is centered on our confidence and self-respect. They are traits that attract the opposite sex. It's not just looks, trust me on that, especially when it comes to women. Yes, good looks can start a coversation but good looks will not keep someone in a relationship. Once you respect yourself, you start setting healthy boundaries. You learn to be the "Star" and not the planet. You fill your life with happy activities and become a happy person by default. I say this as "Detachable Penis" (King Missle) is playing on the radio. If you're a strong, confident man, your penis will be permently attached
unmarriedpartner Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 UT Longhorn I called on tuesday and left a vulgar voicemail on his business line. He has been with her since 10/31/05. They are in love.He took my virginity it was supposed to last. I waited until I was 31 years old.He was the hottie. I got dumped for someone older and heavier. He called my best friend and threatened to harm me. I do live 62 miles south. I have been crying all day. I even thought of suicide but I survived my first attempt 1/00. So I am a christian person I didn't take gift of life away. I thought I might make JESUS made if I died. We have been on again off again for years until Halloween. I was in counseling in the 1990's. I only make around minimum wage now he makes over 100,000 but I supported him to begin with. How do I forgive and move on. I waited though the divorce the child support court dates. He was self employed I worked in his office I quit my job. I set up his files, change of address, and phone records... Then he fired me made me move out. I stayed around another two years after that.So I feel like a total failure. I went 45 days with no contact. Then his father died his uncle called me. I called he didn't even know my voice. Yelled that I called to say I was sorry his father died of lung cancer. He slammed phone on me. I call back and his girlfriend answers and yells at me also.I am using internet at the library. So you are not alone. Others are if more screwed than you are. Peace unmarriedpartner
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Ouch, Unmarried partner. Keep the faith! You just picked a bad person. There is someone else out there for you. You just have to rebuild your confidence and self esteem. One thing I noticed about your story is that you did a lot for him. It sounds like you gave up everything of yourself to make him happy. In everything I have read, that only backfires. I know it sounds selfish but make yourself and your needs a priority first. Make yourself happy because if you can't be happy single you will never make someone else happy as a couple. It's ok to have needs. There is a difference between making yourself happy and being selfish. Find that balance. I know you will. Good karma coming your way, I promise.
Apathetic Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Oh you are NOT alone!!..I thought I was doing better by finding the strength to finally say 'no' to my ex & making myself unavailable for the first time,but as I am typing this I am crying because I miss him,I feel very alone & wish I was with him right now. Although I expect this wont be my only 'weak moment',I am still upset that I let myself get upset over this..Just know you arent alone & there are ppl out there suffering as well,unfortunatly..
In Sync Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Once you respect yourself, you start setting healthy boundaries. You learn to be the "Star" and not the planet. That's gonna be my new mantra from this day forward....thanks, CaliGuy! UT_longhorn, I certainly can attest to days if being confident and riding high and then just have the hurt and pain hit me. WTF! And then I get mad at myself for what is a natural part of the healing BECAUSE I expect that I shouldn't be feeling blue after moving forward. It's not cut and dry this getting over them. This past few days I felt intense anger at my ex again, and what I called the unjustice of it all. We love them and have to go through the process of having to purge them while they don't skip a beat...but no matter I wind up back at the same resolution...get over him, stop looking for excuses and keep going. unmarriedpartner, I appreciate your revealing what you've been through. Even though your breakup has been extremely difficult for you, you were still able to offer positive hopeful feedback. You inspired me. MUCH MUCH PEACE and HARMONY to YOU!
jerbear Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 4. Play "World of Warcraft" if you really want the time to fly by, haha. So you are the Caliguy on WOW?!? anyway, I know how you feel UT. I just re-ended the relationships sunday. She and I remet with a mutual friend and she was very distant, she used the friend to get my attention. Hid the fact that she went back to him. So I told her I gave up. 30 days NC, she called, 2 weeks talking then met. I went into mild depression (sleep, lack of motivation) as in didn't do anything and took a day off to "correct" myself. If you have ever failed in life, use what you've learned from that and get yourself out of the rut. In my case, it was failing out of college; I used what I have learned to graduate, get a job 8 months before graduation, and now completing a masters degree @ an prestigious university. So I do have to say, take a day off and work on correcting yourself. learn from you prior experiences. I look forward to bday next month & graduate in May. Ex knows that I will reach a milestone in my life again.
riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 RE: U_T: " thought I was getting so much better, but this is really dissappointing. Why do I still care so much for someone that barely cares for me. The unfairness of it all kills me. Has this happened to any of you guys? " Yep! Unfair, yes, -but something you just have to swallow, -man, that's a dose of real life. Some people have dreams, I've noticed. Others revert back to the beginning and get hung up in the fog there, depressed and lost in it. Turn it around. Make it happen. You've made it this far. You've just had a bad day. (Smile) -Rio
Author UT_longhorn Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 thanks guys. and unmarriedpartner...im sorry to hear about your situation. i hope that things make an upturn for you soon. and i agree, there are people out there in much worse situations than I am. i was talking to one of my friends about whats going on with me and she told me that it seems that i am going through a regression. and that its natural and that it happens. have you guys gone through regression? where u feel like you are doing very well and all of a sudden you are crashed by feelings of going back to day 1 again? i remember some old posts of people going through this, but i was wondering if any of you guys have.
sick of it Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Absolutley, every few weeks ill have a horrible day. but i always remember, it passes. theres no way this will go forever. understand that it happens and there will be a time when your mind says, thats it, im done. youll start to notice other people...notice, not want. youll get better. crashes happen. as long as you dont assume youre starting all over again, youll be fine. you never know why you crash, what triggers it....sometimes nothing. in that same sense, you get back up, what makes you....sometimes nothing. its a cycle and itll all be ok.
YellowLioness Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 You know...Breakups are a b*tch, especially if you are the one who has been broken up with. You weren't ready for it to end, you were addicted to thinking about that special someone, and you're in an unfamilliar and frighteining place due to work. Take a deep breath: It takes a long time to heal from that kind of pain. Take a step back- see how far you've come? Even though maybe it seems like the progress is slow, it's still progress. You will heal, you will be whole again. Yeah, that dude from Cali is right- Exercise. Read alot. Don't spend your time bored...you know what they say about idle hands... If you having anything with you that reminds of you of the bad situation- get rid of it. For real, start new. Because you do have a new lease on life...you just don't know it yet. YOu don't know me, but it sounds like you need a hug, so here are some good karmic warm thought from me :hugs!:
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