Guest Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 In the beginning my boyfriend was 100% available to me, heart on his sleeve. I could see the excitement in his eyes and his desire for me was overwhelming. Truth be told I was the reluctant one having just come out of an unhealthy relationship. Regardless of my finicky behavior he stuck with me and said it was worth the risk. Eventually, I did come around and began to trust him and love him. I also found that as I began to do this my insecurities came out and I was constantly questioning him and the relationship. Needless to say, I played a huge part in pushing him away. He admitted that my negativity helped distance himself from me. He also admitted that my reluctance in the early stages of the relationship played a huge part as well. He felt he was constantly giving without getting much in return. After awhile he decided to pull back to protect himself. He also admitted that my “new” desire to be with wholly caught him off-guard and a part of him mistrusted this due to my behavior earlier on. After several arguments usually started by my own insecurities and pushing him to “come back” wholeheartedly, he sort of broke. (Mind you thorough all of this he would talk me through it, see me constantly, tell me to be patient, etc.). Finally, one night he said he had enough and felt he couldn't give me what I kept asking for and that I was unhappy with myself. He suggested taking a break: working through our issues and coming back to each other at a later time. And he meant this, he swore how much he loved me and he didn't want us to see other people, etc. Instead we decided to take some space in a sense. We spent so much of our time together it was like all we had was work and each other. Basically, right now he wants us to spend less time together. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but he still is feeling very apprehensive. He thinks that the answer to this is just giving some space and allowing time to heal the wounds. He says he needs to feel less negative about the relationship, more trusting and that more than anything he wants to warm up to me again. I just wonder if any of you have been in this situation before. I am so scared and it is sometimes hard being around him because his defenses are often up with me. Is there anything I can do to help bring him along? He says he loves me and wants this to work out and that although this decision might seem hurtful now it is helping to ensure a long-term commitment. I mean is it really all that simple: time and space? If someone is feeling hurt and rejected will that ease their pain? I know I need to learn patience but sometimes it is hard. It’s hard to love someone wholeheartedly and see the hurt in their eyes, see their reluctance to give themselves. Even in his reactions to me at times. And he knows. He says that he hates feeling this way and he is aware that he reacts to me differently than he used to but he is feeling hurt and upset, etc. Is there anything I can do? Is his reaction a fair one? I just dont know. I love him and he is still great to me , just a little removed. Not as emotionally giving, doesn't want to see me as much. Not as excited about the relationship. I just wonder if time and space will cause him to get farther away from me. When I ask if he doesn't want to be with me he gets even more frustrated. He doesn't understand why I always want to talk about it. Why I cant just let it be and play it by ear and give it time. Allow some time to unfold to us and see what will happen. He says if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldnt. So to have patience, etc. Any advice?
Lost In WI Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Sounds almost like what I am going through! Only we don't see each other(been a week so far) and we used to hang out all the time then for about 7 months now or so it was one day during the week and then all weekend because he had school. Only I broke up with my guy because he gets mouthy at me. I just wonder if this is a line of crap guys use? I mean are they just saying this to be nice in a round about way? My ex says he doesn't know what he wants atm, but we have been through all this before and always have got back together. I am thinking wtf you don't know what you want! I was the one who was getting treated wrong!!
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