SLINGNHAIR Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I guess I am considered a progressive mom....my daughter is a freshman who has been seeing a junior that will be turning 18 i. n 8 months. I see nothing wrong with it because I am very active with my daughter she gives me her passwords to her websites and email and does not hide things from me. She even likes it when I hang out with her friends at a dinner or church event. I feel like I have raised her to have morals and to respect herself above all. I think the young man also has respect for my daughter as well and he would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. Now for the problem his parents think that I am going to sue them when this young man turns 18. I have not met parents yet but I feel like if everything is above board and they abide by our rules that they are not doing anything wrong. As far as the maturity level 14 is not the same 14 when we were younger, everything in there world is progressed, the music, the lyrics, society. So I feel if you got two kids that are communicating among themselves and with their parents, what an accomplishment!! So I guess my question is are there any exceptions to the laws?
whats wrong with me Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 sometimes there are exceptions google your states laws (statutes) concerning (statutory rape) and (defenses). you should find something on the subject (caselaw or something) BUT PERSONALLY I think 14 is to young for an 18 year old, but since your okay with it I guess his parents should be to.
MusicWoman Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 As long as they are not having sex, theres no laws being broken...
justagirliegirl Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I wouldnt let my 14 year old date an 18 year old man unless you wanted to be a grandmother in the next year or so. 18 year old guys are looking for sex.
MusicWoman Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 well...hes still going to be 17 for a while right? How long have they been together?
whats wrong with me Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 surely either the girls parents or the guys parents know the kids are having sex...why else would they be worried? I dont aprove of this moms letting her daughter date an 18 year old but because shes a "progressive mom" I'll bet her daughters on birth control. AND I'm not defending the mom here but at least it seems shes looking at this in reality...what I mean is if her daughter is having sex she knows it ie.. I am very active with my daughter she gives me her passwords to her websites and email and does not hide things from me I guess its just a sign of the times but whatever happened to the parents making the kids get married rather than condoning these kind of relationships?
justagirliegirl Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 surely either the girls parents or the guys parents know the kids are having sex...why else would they be worried? I dont aprove of this moms letting her daughter date an 18 year old but because shes a "progressive mom" I'll bet her daughters on birth control. AND I'm not defending the mom here but at least it seems shes looking at this in reality...what I mean is if her daughter is having sex she knows it ie.. I guess its just a sign of the times but whatever happened to the parents making the kids get married rather than condoning these kind of relationships? Because they can't say no to their children so they indulge every whim and impulse and wonder why their kids grown up with a sense of entitlement and disatisfaction in life.
whats wrong with me Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 ahhh... I'll have to remember that as my kids get older...seriously.
catgirl1927 Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I guess its just a sign of the times but whatever happened to the parents making the kids get married rather than condoning these kind of relationships? Not that I'm condoning an 18 year old having sex with a 14 year old, but in what world is it a good idea to MAKE someone get married? Why would anyone ever think that was a positive plan? I can see not allowing them to see each other any more, but nothing can guarantee a lifetime of unhappiness faster than forcing marriage on someone.
whats wrong with me Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 well, imho, I think if we were all scared our parents would make us get married to the person we had sex with....we wouldn't be so quick to jump in bed with someone! At least I would have been...if my mom said "you have to marry Tim" instead of saying "lets go get you on the pill" i would not have had sex with Tim cause I didn't want to MARRY him! Does that make sense? ( I'm not so good explaining)
catgirl1927 Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 well, imho, I think if we were all scared our parents would make us get married to the person we had sex with....we wouldn't be so quick to jump in bed with someone! At least I would have been...if my mom said "you have to marry Tim" instead of saying "lets go get you on the pill" i would not have had sex with Tim cause I didn't want to MARRY him! Does that make sense? ( I'm not so good explaining) You explain it fine, I see what you mean. That sort of frames marriage as punishment though. And who would marry someone because their parents told them they have to? That's nuts. Would the kids then live with you? Of course I'm playing devil's advocate because they idea is to scare them into not wanting to have sex. But what if it backfired? Kids that age have no idea what "the rest of your life" really means. They think you shrivel and die when you turn 30! See, I don't have any kids yet so it's easy for me to expound on this stuff.
MadDog Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Having to get married to someone if you want to have sex is a pretty ridiculous idea. It's fine if that's your personal choice but you can't expect to impose those kind of standards on someone else, not even your kids. You know what will happen if you are too strict with your kids that way? Your son will end up being addicted to porn while your daughter will end up on Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break Edition. Believe me. The wildest girls I met in college were always the ones that had super strict parents. MD
catgirl1927 Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 It's true. I had a promiscuous stint when I first got to college, if I hadn't been so tubby I would have ended up on girls gone wild for sure. My parents never would even let me out of the house, I was "grounded" every weekend except for prom my junior and senior years of high school because my parents were afraid I'd have sex. I went INSANE and almost failed out of school.
justagirliegirl Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 If they are the Girls Gone Wild in college, they are adults and free to make that choice. I was a cool parent. My daughter was pregnant at 16. That was really cool. I wouldn't even make it about marriage. I would just say no Susie you can't date Tim and if you want to sulk about it no more rides to the mall and I'll take the mobile and IPod away from you. Saying no, you can't f*** an 18 year old man isn't being strict. 14 year olds shouldn't be dating anyway.
whats wrong with me Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I might have been a little extreme when I said you have sex with him you have to marry him...but just think a minute... How many of your grandparents are divorced? I'll bet many of them were "forced" to get married because the girl was pregant. Society doesn't look at things that way anymore. I'm sure when my mom or grandma were teens they knew girls that got pregnant...guess what happened to those girls...they disappeared for 9 months!!! I'm just saying if there was any kind of reprecussions for their actions maybe kids wouldn't be having sex when they were 14.
justagirliegirl Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I might have been a little extreme when I said you have sex with him you have to marry him...but just think a minute... How many of your grandparents are divorced? I'll bet many of them were "forced" to get married because the girl was pregant. Society doesn't look at things that way anymore. I'm sure when my mom or grandma were teens they knew girls that got pregnant...guess what happened to those girls...they disappeared for 9 months!!! I'm just saying if there was any kind of reprecussions for their actions maybe kids wouldn't be having sex when they were 14. I agree. Parents have no spine these days. Sometimes it is hard to tell who is the child and who is the adult.
catgirl1927 Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I know there are fewer divorces from that generation, but that doesn't mean that the marriages were happy or that the people had good lives. If I was married to the boy I had a crush on in high school, my husband would be in jail right now. Cause that's where he is. Kids that age really don't have any judgement. My great grandmother married a man she met when she was 14. She hated him and tortured him his whole life. He was unfaithful to her. They were both MISERABLE. I don't know what the answer is, but I'm pretty sure that isn't it. I would probably make my daughter volunteer at the battered women's shelter, to show her what happens when you make bad choices. That's a scare tactic too, though, huh?
whats wrong with me Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Oh I agree that alot of people were miserable (the ones forced to get married). I'm just looking at the difference of then and now. And I know many, many people who are miserable cause they had kids when they were 15-16 or miserable because they are not married!!! Nobody will ever be "satisfied"....but I'll tell you what when our great grandparents were running around, a pregnant 15 year old wasn't the norm and aids wasn't around either (other stds but not aids). It just seems to me....that if parents weren't so "progressive" that parents wouldn't have to worry so much about...like getting sued (the subject the original poster put up) As for me I'm not pure in any way shape or form...never was, but looking back had my mom not been telling me how great and beautiful sex was... Hell, I might not of done it so early and often!!!!
catgirl1927 Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Issues like this are why I really, really hope I have boys. I know that's not fair and boys have issues as well. I just don't know how I'm going to convince a 16 year old girl with raging hormones that she'll be happier if she waits. I can tell her that based on my experience she should reserve that for when she's older. I had TERRIBLE periods with crippling cramps, and my mother wouldn't put me on BC because she didn't want to be embarassed at church because her daughter was a whore on BC. I had such a bad example, I'm so scared I'll screw it up. What a bummer that we can't lock our daughters in a tall tower guarded by a fearsome dragon...
whats wrong with me Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I had TERRIBLE periods with crippling cramps, and my mother wouldn't put me on BC because she didn't want to be embarassed at church because her daughter was a whore on BC. I had such a bad example, I'm so scared I'll screw it up. I know what you mean...I have boys and girls. I look at my 7 year old and see me and think "oh GOD!, she's gonna be just like me" scares me to death! BUT my mom took me to the "clinic" when I was 11 cause I wore god awful dangly earings not cause the cramps were bad. If she would have got me on the pill for the cramps I might not have been so interested in sex...who knows and for the record, I think boys are easier to deal with (at least mine are)
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