nicki Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Yes, I agree! It's best to get rid of baggage first, to get someone else out of of your head/heart. Otherwise, you can't really be fully open to having clean romantic feelings about someone new. But, some people want to casually date right away. I think that's okay, too, if they are honest with the people they are dating. And not jump right into another serious relationship (and if they are working on letting the ex go, too, no hope left, etc.) As far as my definition of "lover," I meant that in the context of the boyfriend/girlfriend definition. A friend + lover = boyfriend/girlfriend. I didn't mean it as a stand alone thing. A lover is already a friend, by default.
Author noclobber Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Is this a specific girl you are interested in who told you she is not interested in a relationship right now ? I ask because I know you recently had a relationship end ? Yes and No. I mainly asked this question b'cos of a new thread by Lishy. She has mentioned that she met a wonderful guy but doesn't want to get involved cos she is afraid of getting hurt again. I also remembered my friend giving the same reply and I started wondering why women tend to pass up a good opportunity just b'cos some other guy didn't treat them well.
Kengne Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Yes and No. I mainly asked this question b'cos of a new thread by Lishy. She has mentioned that she met a wonderful guy but doesn't want to get involved cos she is afraid of getting hurt again. I also remembered my friend giving the same reply and I started wondering why women tend to pass up a good opportunity just b'cos some other guy didn't treat them well. I disagree. Not ALL women do this. I ended a longterm rel'ship of 4 yrs (he cheated)... and a few mths later met my current bf R. He also came out of a long-term rel'ship (2 yrs) a month or so before I did. I wasn't LOOKING for a rel'ship, and neither was he... we just clicked, and that's where things went. Yeah I was scared at first of getting hurt again, BUT the way I see it - nothing in life is guaranteed. You fall, dust yourself off and get up again. That's just me. K.
sazzya1987 Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I am curious to know why women hesitate so much to get into a relationship after a break-up? I know it hurts but why exactly you don't want to get into a new one? Is it b'cos you are afraid you will get hurt again? Does it not make more sense to date someone new so that you can move on quickly? And how fair is it for a new guy to be denied of the relationship opportunity with you b'cos of what your ex did to you? I kind of guess its because after a break up we like to clear our head and be single for a little while instead of jumping into a relationship.
agnf666 Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I tried doing that... A few weeks after me and my ex broke up, I started talking to another guy... Luckily that didn't work out... I see that I don't need to be with someone to be happy... When the time is right and I find the right person I will go into a new relationship...
MadDog Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 After reading all the posts this is the feeling that I get - It's purely about whether you want to sleep with someone or not. It's just about sex. Nothing else! If you feel like somebody is f*** worthy then they are your lovers otherwise they are reduced to the humiliating status of "only friends" I think you've reached your epiphany noclobber. That's really what it comes down to when people differentiate between someone that will be a friend and someone that they want a relationship with--whether they're willing to get dirty with them. Even if a chick puts you in the friends only category, don't take it too hard man. Remember what I said. A girl who's a friend will know other girls. Don't forget that. MD
Author noclobber Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 I think you've reached your epiphany noclobber. That's really what it comes down to when people differentiate between someone that will be a friend and someone that they want a relationship with--whether they're willing to get dirty with them. Even if a chick puts you in the friends only category, don't take it too hard man. Remember what I said. A girl who's a friend will know other girls. Don't forget that. MD Yup, I do!
Author noclobber Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 It's often true that if a guy is spending a lot of time with a girl he may secretly want more than her friendship... but what if the reverse is happening? do you think girls will spend so much time with a guy and still not want anything more than friendship?
Walk Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I wanted to add... people can become more attractive the better we get to know them. Or less attractive. Some guys will become more attractive to me the more I get to know the guy. And some great looking guys are just butt ugly after you get to know them. It's not all about the outward appearance that makes a person attractive or not. Noclobber... in my comm. class we're studying non-verbal clues to tell whether someoene likes you. You might want to see if you can find more info on the web. Might give you a better understanding of how american girls give clues to whether they are like you "in that way". Some of them were: mirroring - taking on the same poses or gestures. Sitting the same way, holding her body to closely resemble the way you are standing. Rasing their eyebrows - it's a split second response. When we see someone who we're attracted to our eyebrows will lift then return to normal. Unconcious gesture. Positioning their bodies to face the person they like. I can't think what the other ones were right now. hmmm.. I'll have to look it up. If I find it, I'll post the rest on here if you want.
Author noclobber Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 I wanted to add... people can become more attractive the better we get to know them. Or less attractive. Some guys will become more attractive to me the more I get to know the guy. And some great looking guys are just butt ugly after you get to know them. It's not all about the outward appearance that makes a person attractive or not. I have to disagree with this. Right here on LS women have repeatedly said that they will be able to decide whether a guy is going to be their boyfriend or just a friend within 5 minutes of meeting him. And that decision was entirely based on attraction
PlentyLV007 Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Okay...so Clobber you know that I'm seeing someone and it's been going great! Now to answer your question because I'm one of those girls that is scared to get into another relationship. I didn't mind hooking up left and right w/ guys but, to get into a relationship...well that's another story...with this guy I'm seeing now...everything is going great!!!! We talk every day...we laugh....we make fun of each other and we always plan to do every thing together. I don't like the pressure of being committed. Especially after a hard relationship of 5 years. Right now I'm really enjoying being w/ him and laughing and being silly. Not worrying about a committed relationship. Probably because it's still fresh. I'm really scared to jump into another rollercoaster of LOVE> I feel like when it's time, it will happen by itself. Before I use to be the one that was very sure of myself when I wanted a relationship, I guess because you know what you want when your w/ that person.
Author noclobber Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 with this guy I'm seeing now...everything is going great!!!! We talk every day...we laugh....we make fun of each other and we always plan to do every thing together. I don't like the pressure of being committed. Especially after a hard relationship of 5 years. Right now I'm really enjoying being w/ him and laughing and being silly. Not worrying about a committed relationship. Probably because it's still fresh. I'm really scared to jump into another rollercoaster of LOVE> I feel like when it's time, it will happen by itself. so what exactly is this new guy to you now? - your friend? 'potential boyfriend'? fwb? or 'pseudo boyfriend'?
PlentyLV007 Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 so what exactly is this new guy to you now? - your friend? 'potential boyfriend'? fwb? or 'pseudo boyfriend'? My friend. "potential boyfriend". Not FWB... Pseudo boyfriend? What's that....
Author noclobber Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 My friend. "potential boyfriend". Not FWB... Pseudo boyfriend? What's that.... So you are telling that he is not "just a friend". He is right now your friend but with the potential for more. How exactly did you convey that to him? pseudo boyfriend => surrogate boyfriend
PlentyLV007 Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 So you are telling that he is not "just a friend". He is right now your friend but with the potential for more. How exactly did you convey that to him? pseudo boyfriend => surrogate boyfriend I don't tell him...I show him. Kissing him, holding him, calling him, caring about him, and everything that goes along w/ it. I'm not one to talk about my feelings much. I'm more "actions speak louder than words". I'm not a mushy, feelings type of girl.
Author noclobber Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 I don't tell him...I show him. Kissing him, holding him, calling him, caring about him, and everything that goes along w/ it. I'm not one to talk about my feelings much. I'm more "actions speak louder than words". I'm not a mushy, feelings type of girl. Good luck PlentyLV007! I really hope it works out with this guy
Ukwizard Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Hi Noclobber To answer your original question of "I am curious to know why women hesitate so much to get into a relationship after a break-up?" I think it depends on the individual person. My girlfriend dumped me on Oct 28 2005 and went out on a date about a week later to meet a new man!
MadDog Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Hi Noclobber To answer your original question of "I am curious to know why women hesitate so much to get into a relationship after a break-up?" I think it depends on the individual person. My girlfriend dumped me on Oct 28 2005 and went out on a date about a week later to meet a new man! I think it depends on how long they've been mentally out of the relationship. Most of the time, the person doing the dumping has already removed themselves from the relationship normally so they're going to be ready to date again much sooner. The person being dumped will normally need some time to absorb what's going on and recover before they are ready to. Exceptions to this rule would be the rebound hookup (doesn't last) or serial monogomists. MD
PlentyLV007 Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Most of the time, the person doing the dumping has already removed themselves from the relationship normally so they're going to be ready to date again much sooner. The person being dumped will normally need some time to absorb what's going on and recover before they are ready to. Exceptions to this rule would be the rebound hookup (doesn't last) or serial monogomists. MD that's not always true!!! I dumped my boyfriend and it took me a long time to date. He started dating right away!
Mary3 Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 Pupils dilate : When someone is interested in you their pupils dilate and become larger. Try that next time on your date ! Look into their eyes. By the same token if they are not interested in your their pupils will shrink smaller. If when talking to them and making eye contact if they roll their eyes upward as in exasperation you've got BIG problems. If when talking to them their eyes look at you and and then they look down ,thats GOOD. That means they are interested and will be looking back and likely a little longer than necessary. They move when you move. If you move towards them in a seating mode they move closer to you . If their palm is up in a relaxed gesture they are trusting and open. If their hands are clinched and crossed on their lap they are saying , Give me Space !
Author noclobber Posted March 25, 2006 Author Posted March 25, 2006 Pupils dilate : When someone is interested in you their pupils dilate and become larger. Try that next time on your date ! Look into their eyes. By the same token if they are not interested in your their pupils will shrink smaller. If when talking to them and making eye contact if they roll their eyes upward as in exasperation you've got BIG problems. If when talking to them their eyes look at you and and then they look down ,thats GOOD. That means they are interested and will be looking back and likely a little longer than necessary. They move when you move. If you move towards them in a seating mode they move closer to you . If their palm is up in a relaxed gesture they are trusting and open. If their hands are clinched and crossed on their lap they are saying , Give me Space ! Thanks Mary3! I am not trying to be rude but I really don't believe in relying on those so called signs... My female "friend" displayed all of those signs and some more but when I did ask her out she said 'no'.
MadDog Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 Thanks Mary3! I am not trying to be rude but I really don't believe in relying on those so called signs... My female "friend" displayed all of those signs and some more but when I did ask her out she said 'no'. Yeah. Don't go with those signs. Sure it's true the pupils can dilate (sympathetic nervous system response) but how do you know she doesn't have large pupils to begin with, etc. Instead of wasting your time reading into signs, you're much better off just doing what you're doing and asking the chick out. If she says no, then you've got your answer. You sound like a pretty cool dude. I'm sure it's a matter of time before you run into a girl without issues so hang in there. Getting a girl I'd say is about 80% luck and 20% skill. You can have all the game in the world but if you don't meet the right girls at the right time, it's a waste. Similarly, if you meet a girl in the right situation but don't have the skill, you can't lose the deal. MD
Author noclobber Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 Getting a girl I'd say is about 80% luck and 20% skill. You can have all the game in the world but if you don't meet the right girls at the right time, it's a waste. Golden words! I can't agree more
jerbear Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 Pupils dilating does work, when they get in closer, their reactions. It is also true from MadDog about 80% timing and 20% skill. timing sucks! Anyway... the pupils dilating should be done outside around high noon not when inside. I got a date by following those. Maybe it was timing that she wasn't thinking of someone else. while talking to me or reacting to me.
PlentyLV007 Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Yeah. Don't go with those signs. MD hahaahahah ,with the new guy I'm seeing I can't look him in his face too much. Especially when he talks to me about feelings, and mushy stuff, it's like oh god!@!!! Not again... I'm not a big fan on talking about my feelings, especially the whole I miss you, and I always want to be w/ you and all that crap!!! I know it sounds mean but, I'm not like most girls that dig on that .... I actually feel like pulling out a barf bag.... I'm more hands on, I'll show you kinda of deal. I mean I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks, we've gone out on 5-6 dates and he's already telling me he misses me, and always wants to be with me. Calls constantly, like 2-3 times a day...text me like 3-4 times a day...I mean....I like it but, I think it's over the top.... Sorry I know off the topic....
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