Negative barnacles

[electric_sheep]

OK. This post is cheesy, but who cares.

 

I was driving to work today and I starting thinking about how negative

attitudes and thoughts sort of accumulate like barnacles on a ship. As

I go through life they just kind of attach themselves, till I have

all these negative attitudes all over the bow of my ship.

 

It seems like when I encounter challenges in life, I often "rearrange"

my thinking as a way of dealing with the challenge or ameliorating the

pain. This in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. After all,

it's good to learn from lifes challenges. The problem is this

"rearranging" often takes the form of a negative or unproductive

thought. I've essentially attached another negative barnacle.

 

As an example, I might decide "women are untrustworthy". This is a

negative barnacle. It is not a positive or affirming thought, and is not

helping me out in life. What I should do is change it to "women are

people, and that means some of them may be untrustworthy, at some time in their life."

 

Allowing yourself to accumulate these negative barnacles is allowing

your circumstances and challenges to beat you down and have the last

say. So long as that negative thought remains, you are still paying for

some circumstance or event from your past. That event, which is in the

past, is dictating and directing your future in a negative way. The only

person that loses is yourself, as it's your perception of the world that is

being subtly diminished.

[a4a]

Well put!!!

[blind_otter]

 

As an example, I might decide "women are untrustworthy". This is a

negative barnacle. It is not a positive or affirming thought, and is not

helping me out in life. What I should do is change it to "women are

people, and that means some of them may be untrustworthy, at some time in their life."

 

Allowing yourself to accumulate these negative barnacles is allowing

your circumstances and challenges to beat you down and have the last

say. So long as that negative thought remains, you are still paying for

some circumstance or event from your past. That event, which is in the

past, is dictating and directing your future in a negative way. The only

person that loses is yourself, as it's your perception of the world that is

being subtly diminished.

 

I suggest you study up on the psychological concept of Fundamental Attribution Error:

 

In attribution theory, the fundamental attribution error (sometimes referred to as the actor-observer bias, correspondence bias or overattribution effect) is the tendency for people to over-emphasize dispositional, or personality-based, explanations for behaviors observed in others while under-emphasizing the role and power of situational influences on the same behavior.

 

In other words, people tend to have a default assumption that what a person does is based more on what "kind" of person he is, rather than the social and environmental forces at work on that person. This default assumption leads to people sometimes making erroneous explanations for behavior. This general bias to over-emphasizing dispositional explanations for behavior at the expense of situational explanations is much less likely to occur when people evaluate their own behavior.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I don't know how one can't let a negative situation affect their future thoughts on the subject, especially when someone gets crapped on in a relationship by someone they loved. If these things happen often enough, and one rearranges their behaviour and attitude to avoid future attachments, are they "letting it control them", as you say -- or are they becoming wiser and protective of their own heart, because nobody else will?

[Guest]

Congratulations, sheep! You are refusing to allow illogical and unfair thoughts ("women are untrustworthy") to shanghai your thinking. This is exactly how to get rid of negative thinking - defeat it with truth You'll find yourself *much* happier that way. It would suck to live in a world where all women were horrible; but you live in a world where sometimes you meet bad women and that's unlucky but there are still lots of wonderful women and one of them is out there for you

[ehead]

I hear you. Cleansing the soul is easier said than done, and of course a certain amount of caution is wise. Just don't let caution turn into cynicism, as I've found it often too easily does. As with everything, I suppose the best path is the path of balance.

 

Try googling on "how to forgive". I never knew this before, but forgiveness is for YOURSELF. Forgive, learn, and be cautious but not cynical. That is what I'm trying to do.

 

“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past.”

- Alexa Young

 

“In the end we shall have had enough of cynicism and skepticism and humbug and we shall want to live more musically”

-Vincent Van Gogh

 

“The opposite of creativity is cynicism”

-Esa Saarinen

 

“Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.”

-Ambrose Bierce

 

“You ARE what you THINK”

-ehead

 

“Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows.”

-David Wolf

 

(If that's true, why not just live in the moment then ?)

 

“Life is not an easy matter... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness.”

-Leon Trotsky

 

(Call me a helpless romantic, but my "great idea" is Love, with a capital L)

[luvtoto]

When my mind races with negative thoughts, I'll turn my thinking around and do some positive self-talk.

 

If my mind tells me, for instance, "I am so forgetful that I'd forget to go to my own funeral."

 

I immediately talk to myself as a good friend and say, "Come on now, everyone feels that way every now and then. You're a single mother. You have too much on your mind the way it is! It's ok to forget stuff. You're doing just fine."

 

Really helps. Negative self-talk is so irrational, if you really think about what you are telling yourself. LS has helped me realize that we ALL have insecurities, we ALL have alot of the same issues in life...I'm just a regular person...and I fit in just like everyone else. "I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darnit! People like me". It's just that some people are better at hiding their emotions and insecurities than others.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

"I shall keep my eyes wide open and fixed over my shoulder, lest I should blink and not see the knife headed for my back"

-jen_jen_heartbroken

[amaysngrace]

"I shall keep my eyes wide open and fixed over my shoulder, lest I should blink and not see the knife headed for my back"

-jen_jen_heartbroken

 

jen jen, have you sought therapy? i was just wondering if you had because you seem to me to be the eternal pessimist. IMO, this is a very unhealthy approach to life.

 

what are you happy for in your life?

[luvtoto]

Whenever I start comparing myself to other people and start feeling inferior...I remember what an XBF told me once, "Don't compare apples with oranges...You don't know how they *really* feel. Inside they might be as insecure as you."

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

what are you happy for in your life?

 

My:

• 
  
• job
  
• cozy, albeit tiny, apartment
  
• non-fair-weather friends
  
• 8 year old car that still runs well
  
• books
  
• grandpa who died at the young age of 60
  
• angel cat
  
• talented surgeon who helps me to still walk
  
• pretty shoe collection
  
• right to vote

[catgirl1927]

Cats are awesome, aren't they? I love mine.

 

I'm so sorry about whatever it is that has happened to you.

[amaysngrace]

My:

• job
  
• cozy, albeit tiny, apartment
  
• non-fair-weather friends
  
• 8 year old car that still runs well
  
• books
  
• grandpa who died at the young age of 60
  
• angel cat
  
• talented surgeon who helps me to still walk
  
• pretty shoe collection
  
• right to vote

 

i think this list is very sad. i could not begin to write down what i'm happy for. i noticed how you said non-fair weather friends. from every post i read of yours, and granted i've only been here a short while, it would seem to me that these are your friends. because with you it seems it is always bad weather.

 

you never answered my question. have you sought therapy? you know, you can be your own therapist, too. if you want to change. or maybe you're content with being the way you are, although i would find that surprising, by the way you complain. i'm not trying to be mean, jen. i just wish you would feel better in your life.

[Guest]

@jen_jen_heartbroken

 

Baby, I understand how you feel. The pain will slowly seep away and you will learn to trust again. Time is truly a great healer, and the human soul is resilient. Try and be open to healing, forgiveness, and happiness. Try not and generalize too much from your past experiences. There is much in life that is ugly, but also much that is beautiful. Don't miss the beauty that may be right before you, from always looking over your shoulder out of paranoia.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Cats are awesome, aren't they? I love mine.

 

I'm so sorry about whatever it is that has happened to you.

 

Yes, they sure are. Especially the treasured ones like mine who were called back to Heaven.

 

Thanks catgirl. I've just had a rough life, and the last five years were particularly painful

[electric_sheep]

Big giant squeeze for jen_jen_heartbroken !!

 

-squueeeeeze-