Lishy Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Hi all My pc at home has been broken to I am sneaking on at work! Wellllllll I met this great guy last week - He is so damn sexy and he makes my stomach flip! I have mentioned before that this does not happen to me so it has made me smile! It was one of those situations where your eyes lock across the room and the connection went BAM! He lives in Ireland but he comes over every week and stays at the Hilton 5 mins from where I live. He is single and has no kids (rare to find) and he has been sweet so far! Ok the truth is I am petrified and dont know how to handle this feeling! I am meeting him on Sunday and he is taking me out for a meal or wherever I want to go. He told me I am the first girl he has kissed since he split (amicably) with his ex 5 months ago and that I blew his mind! God I feel sick! I am just so scared - My barriers are coming up high and screaming at me to not get involved! I just dont trust any man not to hurt me! How do I safeguard myself??????????
riobikini Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 RE: Lishy: How do I safeguard myself?????????? Lishy, just use what you know you know. Here we go... (Smile) -Rio P.S. And Good Luck!
Author Lishy Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 Rio I am so scared of getting hurt! I am so scared of my own emotions and most of all I do not trust anyone! How can I overcome this hurdle so I can just have fun for as long as it lasts? WHy I am taking it all so seriously after only 1 meeting? I dont believe anything he is telling me and I am constantly listening out for BS. He seems so sweet and nice he cant be true! I feel like an emotional cripple! I cant get back online today as I am leaving work now but I would welcome any replies and I will check tomorrow! My fears seem worse as I meet alot of guys and alot of guys ask me out and ask for my number and my answer is always NO - This guy blew me away! That does not happen to me!!!!
juliainoz Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 mmmmmm irish men got to love those i know i love my irish man to bits
Walk Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I don't have anything profound to say... I think keeping your eyes and mind open would be the best bet. Try to be aware of how your distrust may show itself in your actions. You don't want to allow your distrust to take over and push him away. Keep an open mind, and take it one step at a time. If you start to jump to "what if's" it'll drive you insane after a while. Take a deep breath and stay in the moment. I'm so happy for you Lish! Irish men are fun.
SoleMate Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I would be nervous too, wondering if he is "single" only when he is travelling away from home. Ask to see his ID, and get home address and telephone number. Any hesitation is a HUGE warning sign.
Guest Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Take a step back. You're all aflutter worrying about feelings you don't need to be having yet. Do not allow yourself to think 'love' or anything like it for a LONG time.
electric_sheep Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Don't let fear rule your life. Till you have reason to believe otherwise, I think you should accept things at face value and assume he is genuine. We need to recognize that nothing in life can be guaranteed, and in fact there is always the risk of losing something we find special. At the same time, remember the future is an illusion, as is the past. They are not real. Do not let the fear of loss prevent you from falling in love with your whole heart. To do so would be to limit the beautiful possibility of love from entering your life to begin with. Recognize that we can't control how special we are to someone else. Ultimately what matters is how special they are to us. Enjoy the wonderful gift that this person could be in your life. In every relationship, we only have control over our side of it. All we can do is be the best person that we know how to be, and to put as much effort and heart and spirit into it as we can. We can only ensure that WE do the right thing, and that we give it everything we have. So once you decide to be in a relationship, it makes sense to decide to be genuine, loving, and caring. For YOU as much as for them. Be the type of person YOU want to BE ! The rest is out of your hands.
Art_Critic Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I would be nervous too, wondering if he is "single" only when he is travelling away from home. Ask to see his ID, and get home address and telephone number. Any hesitation is a HUGE warning sign. Great advice.. A girl here at work dated her next door neighbor in the apartment complex she was in.. He builds shopping malls.. after dating him 6 months he moved back home to Tennesee ( I'm in Ga ) as the shopping mall was completed.. she found out that he is married and has 2 kids but has to live away 6 months at a time because of his job.. It crushed her.. they were making plans to get married..
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Take...it...slow... 5 months since the breakup with his EX isn't that long - Plus you really don't know him well, yet. Don't get too attached too fast.
electric_sheep Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Well, I still don't think you should let fear prevent you from having a great time and getting a little carried away. After all, isn't getting a little carried away one of lifes great pleasures ? Of course, like in all things, balance is best. So, listen to your gut, but if it feels good ... don't argue, just let it feel good. Think how lucky you are to be feeling so good. Let yourself feel good and be happy, as a gift to yourself. Perhaps caution should be on your mind, but not at the forefront. Let caution nestle itself comfortably behind your enthusiasm and exhiliration, sort of like a buttress. Don't let it be a wall or moat around your enthusiasm. That's no way to live your life !
noclobber Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Wellllllll I met this great guy last week - He is so damn sexy and he makes my stomach flip! I don't recollect meeting you Lishy darling I just dont trust any man not to hurt me! How do I safeguard myself?????????? So you are worried you will get hurt again? You don't want to get into another relationship 'cos you are afraid your feelings and emotions would get bruised?? Its reasonable considering the fact that you recently came out of an FWB relationship. But here is my question to you - Is it wise to pass up this opportunity? I mean, you say that the chemistry is electric and you feel such a great connection. So why not take a chance? But like how some posters have said you may want to check the authenticity of his single status or whatever. If everything is fine what's wrong in getting involved? Tread slowly but go for it Lishy baby... you deserve it
riobikini Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 RE: Lishy: "This guy blew me away! That does not happen to me!!!!" (Smile) Yes, it does. ('nother smile) Seriously, -you have to start using your head more than your heart (and the lust emotions) to choose these guys. Look, I saw someone today that almost caused a certain spontaneous physical reaction in me, simply based on nothing more than how he looked, but I didn't slam on the breaks and have to pull over. (Thank God, -at least not this time...smile) For one, I know he'd be no more to me than a one night stand, -and two- if I was wrong, and it lasted, he'd keep me so busy I'd have to choose between him and my vibrator...and lately, its been doing a really good job (and far less trouble!) (Smile) I know that you are looking for someone to fill an emotional void in your life -and you deserve someone who can love you, respect you, and keep you happy- but, sometimes, the time we spend alone just creates this emotional vacuum that seems to want to suck anyone available in. That's not something you want to give in to, Lishy, -your vulnerability can create such misery for you, if you're not using your head in this. Give it some thought, i.e. get to know the guy, find out what he's like, to begin with, then ease into obtaining more info about him. Don't 'fall in love' at the drop of a hat, based on nothing more than hot 'looks'. Keep posting, -and get your pc fixed...they're gonna catch you posting in LS at work, gal. (Wink) -Rio
noclobber Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I don't understand why people are discouraging Lishy. She has met somebody that she seems to like, what's wrong in dating that guy now? I have even started a thread about this. It's called "New relationships after a break-up".
riobikini Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 NoClobber...it may appear that some of us may be discouraging her from 'trying out' a new relationship...the fact is, we all really care a good deal about Lishy and have noted her tendencies in past relationships and simply do not wish to see her head-over-heels for the wrong guy, again, and wind up heartbroken. We wish her the very best God has to offer. (Smile) -Rio
Author Lishy Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Hey thank you all for the responses!!!!!!!!!!! I appreciate all positive AND negative feedback! I am new to this dating milarky - I have not dated in 14 years! Ok so he has been texting me every day but not in a stalkerish way. He has told me that he cannot wait to see me and that he has not kissed a girl since his split up and that I blew his mind (He blew my mind too) He told me how stunning my eyes but he didnt say any of this in an over the top way, if that makes sense. The way he looked at me made my stomach flutter and the night I was out I was with a few friends and one of them is stunning looking - He didnt even look at her he only had his eyes on me! Hey I guess my insecurities are flying out of me right now eh! I have told him I will not be doing the wild thing until I know him better and he told me that he is not just after sex (that remains to be seen tho) I refuse to get into another FWB thing! NO WAY!!!! But what worries me is that this guy turns me on BIG TIME and I worry that I will just get carried away and ruin any chance of anything with him! I am very aware of how a guy will say what you want to hear just to get in your pants! Damn I am just so scared of myself .... So scared of likeing someone so much that I leave myself open to get hurt! I do think that all guys want from me is sex - I guess that is because of my last situation. He calls and texts me from home late at night - I have a feeling he is not married but I am keeping my eyes wide open as you cant tell when someone is lying when you do not know them - I will be asking for a home number if I am still seeing him in a few weeks and before I have sex with him. Keep any advice coming you are all so great!
Author Lishy Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 Well I met him! He is a nice guy but I have realised that I am not ready for anything with any man right now! I am going to book in to see a counceller! I need to sort the crap in my head out! Oh and to top it off I saw Mr Driveby yesterday and he acted like he didnt see me .... That made me feel good! I think I am heading for a bumpy drive right now. I can feel all of my emotions rushing to the surface. Not good!
noclobber Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 He is a nice guy but I have realised that I am not ready for anything with any man right now! Exact same words that my "friend" said when she refused to go out with me!!! Fantastic Lishy! A nice guy is being denied of an opportunity with you b'cos of what some jerk did to you!!!!!!! It's absolutely true -> Nice guys really finish last! Sorry babe, I am disappointed that you are not willing to pursure this with this guy though you like him. I think the other forum members successfully brain-washed you.
alphamale Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 Sorry babe, I am disappointed that you are not willing to pursure this with this guy though you like him. she doesn't like him all that much....otherwise she'd be with him.
Yamaha Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 WHy I am taking it all so seriously after only 1 meeting? Because you are very flattered by his attention. You know he has the power to hurt you and it scares you to no end. Sometimes you have to use your mind as well as your heart to know how to handle these very emotional feelings.
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I think the other forum members successfully brain-washed you. I think that you could use some brainwashing that this forum can give..
noclobber Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I think that you could use some brainwashing that this forum can give.. Point taken!
newbby Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 I do think that all guys want from me is sex - I guess that is because of my last situation. hello lish . then dont have sex with them until they have shown otherwise. that is the simple solution. it does not mean you must avoid relationship situations. use every situation as a learning experience and then all of life is fun and interesting, even when it is painful. forget about last guy. dust yourself down. think what you did wrong in allowing yourself to be vulnerable, that is, sleeping with him before you were sure of him, and dont do that this time around. avoiding situations in which you feel vulnerable, only gives those situations power over you. you are still letting them control you, rather than taking the control yourself. take your life in your hands. if you like this guy, then get to know him. you are allowed to get to know somebody without committing yourself to a relationship, much less sex. if he thinks it makes you obligated to sleep with him, then thats his problem and he can take a hike!! you dont have to explain yourself either. as long as you are honest and dont promise anything, you can tell him you are interested in getting to know him. thats all you need to say.
noclobber Posted March 28, 2006 Posted March 28, 2006 Fantastic advice Newbby hello lish . then dont have sex with them until they have shown otherwise. that is the simple solution. it does not mean you must avoid relationship situations. use every situation as a learning experience and then all of life is fun and interesting, even when it is painful. forget about last guy. dust yourself down. think what you did wrong in allowing yourself to be vulnerable, that is, sleeping with him before you were sure of him, and dont do that this time around. avoiding situations in which you feel vulnerable, only gives those situations power over you. you are still letting them control you, rather than taking the control yourself. take your life in your hands. if you like this guy, then get to know him. you are allowed to get to know somebody without committing yourself to a relationship, much less sex. if he thinks it makes you obligated to sleep with him, then thats his problem and he can take a hike!! you dont have to explain yourself either. as long as you are honest and dont promise anything, you can tell him you are interested in getting to know him. thats all you need to say.
Author Lishy Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 Hey Clobsy I am not brainwashed honey I just don't feel it with him! I am allowed to not feel that connection without being brainwashed. Well this is what happened yesterday and it explains why I felt something was amiss and also why I felt he was just after sex ...... So he texts me the day after we met and asks me to go to lunch. I think to myself "well I will try again and see if I like him more" So I say sure but I have to get my son at 3pm and he replies that it is going crazy in the office and he will let me know what time. My heart obviously wasnt in it as I didnt even get dressed. So then 30 mins later he text me "I would love to take you to bed at lunchtime" - I though Fk this and replied "I think you have the wrong girl" He did not reply. So hey ho my intuition was right and I wasnt going mad! I hate it when I doubt myself as 9 times out of 10 I am right but dont listen to myself! I think my problem is this (correct me guys if I am wrong here) every guy I kiss (every single one) tells me what a sexy kisser I am and that they bet I am good in bed! None of my friends get this as I have asked them all. Can a girl kiss in a way that makes them look easy? What is the best way to let a guy know that sex is not on the menu until I know them without making myself look like a freak?
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