cowm007 Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Hey everyone, this is my first post here! I've been having an issue these days and I've tried talking about it with my two best-friends but unfortunatelly one of them is the girl in question so my resources are limited. I looked around the Net and found this forum and it looks like a great place to ask for advice. Anyway, my relationship/history with this girl is kind of complicated and it would take too long to describe it completelly, so I'll just skip WAY ahead. The basics you need to know are we met in HS, 4 years ago. We became great friends, then we got together, then broke up before college (we study in different states), then got back togehter, then broke up, then we got a clue and just did the hooking up deal while being good friends. I fell in love with her in the beginning but I hated getting hurt so I've been trying to supress my feelings. She just recently truly fell in love with me (terrible timing) but she also managed to tone things down a bit cause of the distance we have. So now we are in present time. We were both in the same mindset that we know there's something there between us but it wouldn't work out right now because of the distance, so we are supposed to be ok being best friends. Up till now, her demeanor towards me was quite affectionate and she would always tell me she misses me, and loves me, and all that sweet stuff, but I was wary about this and didn't want to be too open because I have been trying hard to suppress my feelings for her because I really don't like the heartache feeling. So suddenly, around the beginning of March it all stopped. She stopped calling, didn't get online much, didn't txt me, nothing. I mean we talked, but she didn't seem as "in-need" of me. Finally, like 2 weeks later, she calls me up and we talk a bit and she drops the bomb and tells me she's been seeing someone for a while now (since a party she told me about back in february) and that it's getting pretty serious. I don't consider myself a jealous person, and I try to think things over and do what's best, so when I first heard this I was having mixed feelings, but mostly it was happiness for her and i was also kind of excited for her. Here's where the major complications start though. I mean we are supposed to be good friends here, yet we still have strong feelings between each other, and we were just hooking up this winter, and when we left there was absolutelly no closure, just some plans about summer time and maybe visiting this semester. So I tried being a good friend, and offered a listening ear, but I don't think I was ready to hear the details about this guy. Things seem to have progressed extremelly quickly for them which I thought was against her style, and then she dropped the biggest bomb of all when she tells me that they've tried having sex but they were drunk so it didnt' work out well. I couldn't believe she was telling me this, I mean I thought I knew her and she's always been cautious about sleeping with other guys, yet somehow this time it's different. I managed to get most of my feelings under control, and was able to put out my friend side at first. However, we had a conversation a couple weeks ago where she told me how she knows this guy is just temporary, and that I'm still the one for her. She even teased me a bit with suggesting we visit each other over spring break just for sex cause this guy wasn't cutting it so far. However she retracted that the next day cause one of her friends adviced against it because even though they never established exclusivity, they are technically together (You know that relationship mumbojumbo with zip-code rules, and bf/gf vs dating etc.) I took it all lightly cause we are "friends" remember and everything was just fine in my head but this little convo ended up taking it's toll. Suddenly I found myself thinking about her all the time, remembering about our times over winter break, wanting to talk to her constantlly, etc. Typical symptoms of love of course. Then, I started getting jealous of the guy, and hating the thought of her sleeping with someone else, and her not needing me. So there lies my conflict. There are two of me in this case, one is the friend, and one is the ex with which she never broke up. Having both mentalities is driving me crazy because I feel jealous/saddend about her newfound relationship, which in turn makes my friend side feel bad for being a bad friend in this regard. So then I try to overlook my feelings and try to be her friend but that inevitably brings up this new guy and whatever they are doing which makes me jealous once again. It's a terrible cycle really. So what on earth do I do?? I'm confused as to what I'm feeling really, cause it's kind of weird that the moment this guy appears I start getting these feelings. I was fine a few months ago. So maybe I'm just jealous, not really falling for her completelly. But I don't know. My ideal goal is to be able to get past the jealousy and the feelings so that we can be good friends, but the only way I see me doing this is by not talking to her for a while, which doesn't seem like a good option either cause it'll devastate her, and then how do we go back to being friends? I'm looking forward to any advice offered, as anything anyone says will be better than what I'm at right now. Sorry this ended up being so long, I promise to make back everyones time by replying to your threads. Thanks in advance.
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