Marrying and Dating Outside of Your Class

[SuperMonk]

Well I once dated a guy who was a HS drop out had no ambition was raised in a very poor family and thought everything should be handed to him.

 

Needless to say it didn't work. I grew up middle class went to college and grew up with a very strong work ethic nothing is handed to you you work for it my family owns thier own business etc..

 

my current BF is more similar to me a better fit he grew up in a wealthy family self made business men. he went ot college and hsa a very strong work ethic and eventhough his dad earned a lot of money they made thier kids work for everyting.

 

The only thing that is different is they had a different lifestyle growing up they went to Europe several times and the parent graudated from Havard. He went to boarding school and private college while I went to publis schools and state college although I have been to Europe we mostly camped etc..

 

But we have the same goals and are ambitious and have similar lifestyles we are a good match.

 

Sure, whatever you say.

[SmoochieFace]

And' date=' as we all know, money and class don't necessarily go together.[/quote']

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

We have ourselves a winner here!

 

Absolutely true... and so many people confuse money with class.

[SuperMonk]

Dating/marrying outside your class CAN be problematic BUT in my opinion what's even MORE problematic' date=' because I've experienced this, is when you date/marry someone whose intelligence level is not close to your own. If it's much higher or much lower than your own, I find THAT can be more of a problem...same goes for values and moral. Those things are much bigger hurdles than class/education disparities in my opinion.[/quote']

 

Now this is what I agree with. Michael Dell (of Dell Computers) has an IQ of 95, yet he is a billionaire. Fortunately a lot of materialistic golddigger type women have similar IQ so that works out for him. Even though he may be super rich, a woman who is above average in intellect will pass him over as she will become bored of his dull ways. If you've read his boorish narcissitic I'm so great autobiography you'd understand.

[Touche]

DING! DING! DING!

 

We have ourselves a winner here!

 

Absolutely true... and so many people confuse money with class.

 

Thanks, SF. And you know what? The people who confuse money with class...well they have NO class (AND are ignorant)! :laugh:

[a4a]

The shame isn't in being wealthy by itself... the shame is in that there are some wealthy people who use their wealth as a means of proclaiming some sort of *superiority* over those who aren't wealthy.

 

Wealthy people can lose all their wealth in an instant - and if they did... what would they be then? Especially if their entire identity was forged from that wealth?

 

Ever see that movie "The Game?" Remember how Michael Douglas was such a stuck-up a**h*** with his wealth? He thought he was above everyone else... and look what happened when he practically lost everything. He was humbled... big time - and THAT was the point of the *game* - to be humbled and understand that you are not above everyone else because of being wealthy.

 

Nope did not see it. But I would think that if all you had was money for an identity than you would have a problem.

 

See for me I spend all my actual money on charity..... yeppers every last dime I make I give to the cause I believe in. I also seem to snatch a good bit of my H's money to do so. So nope not a snobby snot here, I scoop poop and play in the dirt. So certainly would not apply. There has been times when I have gone without food so others can eat.... no big deal..... just a choice. But now things are good so why not enjoy life, spend money on the things you care about and some things that you may want. I certainly could be dressing better and driving a better car if I did not blow my money on animals.

 

But nobody has the right to put me down for wanting/having a plasma in every room, its my money my choice, does not make me a bad person. Nor does it make people without the option to do so lesser beings....... it is choice. I earned that option.

 

My point actually was to point this out.

And actually wondering why so many people have problems relating to the other ecnomic/educational/ classes. Why would so many people get angry over people that spend their earned money the way they see fit? Of course it must cause rifts in marriages/ relationships when people come from different backgrounds or classes.

[SmoochieFace]

Now this is what I agree with. Michael Dell (of Dell Computers) has an IQ of 95, yet he is a billionaire. Fortunately a lot of materialistic golddigger type women have similar IQ so that works out for him. Even though he may be super rich, a woman who is above average in intellect will pass him over as she will become bored of his dull ways. If you've read his boorish narcissitic I'm so great autobiography you'd understand.

 

This post made my day... especially the IQ comparison.

[SmoochieFace]

Thanks' date=' SF. And you know what? The people who confuse money with class...well they have NO class (AND are ignorant)! :laugh:[/quote']

 

*applause from the warren*

 

Anytime.

[a4a]

Thanks' date=' SF. And you know what? The people who confuse money with class...well they have NO class (AND are ignorant)! :laugh:[/quote']

 

Tis true, Touche. I have had people I meet treat me totally different. I come in with boots and flannel shirt they do not give me the time of day until I become a good customer. But if I walk in dressed to the hilt.... well suddenly I am worthwhile. I have also had people be asses because they think I do have money.

 

Funny thing when I met my H he was wearing a ripped up jacket, some dark blue pants and driving his beat up 1988 truck..... pulled up in my driveway to talk about training a horse for him...... instant attraction on my part. I did not know that he had money or the potential to make money. But he was polite and articulate. He had class.

[blind_otter]

what is wrong with being poor and being proud or rich and being proud.....

 

there is shame in being wealthy?

 

But as we can see it does cause a rift.

 

No one does have a right to put you down, but it's not information that you generally share with others unless asked.

 

There's no way to put it that doesn't sound, snobbish I guess. Or superior. And no one responds to that tone well.

 

I will liken it to those little baby t-shirts that say "SEXY" on it or whatever, you see young girls wearing lately. Well, yeah. Sometimes they ARE sexy. But does it reflect well on her sexiness that she wears a T-shirt proclaiming it? Not really.

[blind_otter]

Tis true, Touche. I have had people I meet treat me totally different. I come in with boots and flannel shirt they do not give me the time of day until I become a good customer. But if I walk in dressed to the hilt.... well suddenly I am worthwhile. I have also had people be asses because they think I do have money.

 

My Mom does this. Whenever she buys a new car she goes into the dealership wearing the most reggedy outfit she can find - like with holes and bleach spots and stuff. She spends DAYS haggling with the salesman. They usually have no idea what she's really like.

[a4a]

No one does have a right to put you down, but it's not information that you generally share with others unless asked.

 

There's no way to put it that doesn't sound, snobbish I guess. Or superior. And no one responds to that tone well.

 

I will liken it to those little baby t-shirts that say "SEXY" on it or whatever, you see young girls wearing lately. Well, yeah. Sometimes they ARE sexy. But does it reflect well on her sexiness that she wears a T-shirt proclaiming it? Not really.

 

 

Oh I agree but I so hate it when people down other people for spending their money the way they choose to... Like Otter you are so stupid for taking that vacation. You should invest that money!! I don't think the posts over your vacation plans was bragging..... I am thinking "wow that is super!!!"

 

Shoes, vacations, who cares..... its your money!! See the shoe thing pissed me off. Just reminds me of those people that get pissed when some farmer wins the lotto and starts spouting off over jealousy ect..... Or worse yet says I will never want to win the lotto..... please..... that is not reality. People that say that will not turn down the damn money!

 

I admit I did a little goat gettin' because I grew weary of hearing the put downs for wanting or having things you want. I am actually sick of people that do not want to earn money bitching about those that have earned it.

 

This happens in families of course... H's sister somehow thinks we should just give her money...... neato attitude.

[blind_otter]

Oh I agree but I so hate it when people down other people for spending their money the way they choose to... Like Otter you are so stupid for taking that vacation. You should invest that money!! I don't think the posts over your vacation plans was bragging..... I am thinking "wow that is super!!!"

 

Shoes, vacations, who cares..... its your money!! See the shoe thing pissed me off. Just reminds me of those people that get pissed when some farmer wins the lotto and starts spouting off over jealousy ect..... Or worse yet says I will never want to win the lotto..... please..... that is not reality. People that say that will not turn down the damn money!

 

I admit I did a little goat gettin' because I grew weary of hearing the put downs for wanting or having things you want. I am actually sick of people that do not want to earn money bitching about those that have earned it.

 

This happens in families of course... H's sister somehow thinks we should just give her money...... neato attitude.

 

Woah, I didn't even think about that. Considering how little money I am actually spending on the vaca. I should start a thread about going exotic places for little to no money, I swear.

 

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

 

I think that H's sister has the attitude of entitlement (which I hate) -- I deserve this because....I'm me! snort.

 

I hate it, yet I am addicted to divorce court and the people's court. I actually go home for lunch at least 3 times a week to get my fix. I hate the sense of entitlement, yet am fascinated by it.

[justagirliegirl]

If you have the $500 and that is what you want..... why not? Not for me either but who cares, but would it not be nice to have a spare $500 for shoes that were just something you felt like getting.

 

I have some very expensive clothing items, I rarely wear, but when I do I feel great in them... the price does not matter. I also have a great flannel shirt I think I picked up at the salvation army store I wear it to death..... it is what makes you feel good regardless of the price tag. But having the option to shop at Needless Markups (neimans) or at the S. army is a great option.

 

Because someone buys only cheap stuff does that make them better than those that like more expensive stuff......... nope.

 

See this is a simple case of reverse classism

 

you just seem to be bragging and placing too much emphasis on material things.

[justagirliegirl]

Oh I agree but I so hate it when people down other people for spending their money the way they choose to... Like Otter you are so stupid for taking that vacation. You should invest that money!! I don't think the posts over your vacation plans was bragging..... I am thinking "wow that is super!!!"

 

Shoes, vacations, who cares..... its your money!! See the shoe thing pissed me off. Just reminds me of those people that get pissed when some farmer wins the lotto and starts spouting off over jealousy ect..... Or worse yet says I will never want to win the lotto..... please..... that is not reality. People that say that will not turn down the damn money!

 

I admit I did a little goat gettin' because I grew weary of hearing the put downs for wanting or having things you want. I am actually sick of people that do not want to earn money bitching about those that have earned it.

 

This happens in families of course... H's sister somehow thinks we should just give her money...... neato attitude.

 

Seems I hit a nerve with you. You are assuming that because I said what I said that I don't have money. False assumption. I am able to live nearly half a year every year in a foreign country. No I didn't marry some rich guy to get it either. I earn it myself.

 

If I won the lottery, nothing about my lifestyle would change.

[jerbear]

My Mom does this. Whenever she buys a new car she goes into the dealership wearing the most reggedy outfit she can find - like with holes and bleach spots and stuff. She spends DAYS haggling with the salesman. They usually have no idea what she's really like.

 

I remember doing that! 2nd time I rode a bicycle in.

 

I did that, no one wanted to talk to me, plus I was not the typical target for that make and model. The most junior person had to help me and he started with the lowest end and different model. I asked for different and fully loaded newest SUV. I did buy the SUV because it was below my target price and off the lot; everyone in the dealership was surprised. Then when I went to pick it up, that same dealership did the same thing, then the junior guy came running out saying he's the guy, with food in his mouth. I was the dealership's & sales guy's first sale of that make and model. Apparently he got a pretty good commission that day.

 

Better yet, for men, walk into Victoria's Secret in a suit and ALL the sales associates swarm in. If I walked in with raggity clothes, they just hoof and say "may I help you?" then I say I want x in this size, y in this color, cup, and size, z in the same size. When the CC comes out they have never seen that design or color before. Their mouths dropped.

 

Amazing how looks can be deceiving.

[No Stress Lady]

I agree with you but only IF and that's the operative word here, IF their identity is wrapped up in their wealth. You know there are classy people who just happen to have money just as there are those people with class who don't have any money.

 

And, as we all know, money and class don't necessarily go together.

 

Well said Touche. In fact I'd say true class has nothing to do with money.

[Guest]

You sound quite condescending towards those you perceive as being *below* you. Your mocking tone and adherence to stereotypes that may not be accurate are quite repugnant

 

Well isn't this interesting coming from someone who has contempt for all sorts of people; to wit:

 

And that is another source of my contempt.

 

So, apparently, contempt is repugnant if it's based on financial standards but not otherwise?

 

So long as you're the one who's contemptuous it's acceptable?

 

I think not. This is the same person who also wrote

 

I was taught that the true measure of *class* (or lack of) is how you treat people of ALL classes - not just those in YOUR *class*

 

Best walk the talk, SF.

[Mz. Pixie]

Funny thing when I met my H he was wearing a ripped up jacket, some dark blue pants and driving his beat up 1988 truck..... pulled up in my driveway to talk about training a horse for him...... instant attraction on my part. I did not know that he had money or the potential to make money. But he was polite and articulate. He had class.

 

Same thing for me with my H. He's a teacher- and I never would have guessed that his family had money until we were about to become engaged and he told me.

 

I think he wanted to be sure I wanted to be with him for him, and not for the family nest egg.

 

I agree that class and money definitely do not have to be exclusive. My grandmother was one of eleven kids. They were farmers and she had to quit school in the eighth grade to pick cotton. Her mother cooked three meals a day on a wood stove- and I mean meals- courses, bread, desserts. That's how it was back then. She never owned a car, or a home but she worked hard, loved her family and there has not ever been a lady with more class or character than my grandmother.

[alphamale]

Well said Touche. In fact I'd say true class has nothing to do with money.

I must disagree NSL....its hard to be classy when one is all covered with s*** and living in a shanty-town.

 

On the other hand its hard NOT to be classy when your driving around town in your chauffer-driven Rolls Royce.

[hotgurl]

Sure, whatever you say.

 

what is that supposed to mean?

[blind_otter]

I must disagree NSL....its hard to be classy when one is all covered with s*** and living in a shanty-town.

 

On the other hand its hard NOT to be classy when your driving around town in your chauffer-driven Rolls Royce.

 

yeah RIGHT.

 

I went to a private school when I was younger, and I had one friend whose family was loaded (well most people who went there were loaded)....her mother was the cheesiest, most garish, most classless person I've ever met. Whenever I think neauvou riche, snobby upper class woman who has nothing to be snobby about, I remember her. Ugh.

[alphamale]

....her mother was the cheesiest, most garish, most classless person I've ever met. Whenever I think neauvou riche, snobby upper class woman who has nothing to be snobby about, I remember her. Ugh.

well then she was an exception. there are always exceptions to everything. but in general, I'd say that people with money tend to have more class than people without money. And if they the rich don't have class within their person then they can always buy it. Class, per se, is really more a mindset than anything but it is embellished by the material goods one has and the people with whom they hang.

[SmoochieFace]

If I won the lottery, nothing about my lifestyle would change.

 

If I won the lottery, almost all of it would go to those who deserve it more than yours truly.

[Guest]

One of the mindsets that fosters 'classes' is the idea that wealth bestows class. It does not. But if you have a tradition of believing popular myths, you'll buy into this one, too.

[SmoochieFace]

well then she was an exception. there are always exceptions to everything. but in general, I'd say that people with money tend to have more class than people without money. And if they the rich don't have class within their person then they can always buy it. Class, per se, is really more a mindset than anything but it is embellished by the material goods one has and the people with whom they hang.

 

Leona (only the *little people* pay taxes) Helmsley had lots of money but she was a POS... there's exception Numero Dos for ya...

 

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