a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Curious about this and the problems associated with marrying and dating outside of your class. Have you done this? Find it difficult? Did you marry Up or Down the class scale? (talking class and exposure to culture here). I did and it certainly is not easy at times.
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 what do you mean by "class" (ostensibly the U.S. was created to destroy the class system)? What you were raised with or what you earn now? Because by definition "class" references the family of origin.
alphamale Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 it is quite easy for attractive women to move up the class scale....not so for men.
SmoochieFace Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 And I'll wager that *class* has absolutely ZERO to do with *character*... nope, it's all about *material things*, right?
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 what do you mean by "class" (ostensibly the U.S. was created to destroy the class system)? What you were raised with or what you earn now? Because by definition "class" references the family of origin. It would be what you are accustomed to I would say. Raised with or acquired education and /or financial success. We certainly do have a class system here in the US. I would also say it pertains to having been exposed to culture, such as a grasp on life outside of the Dukes of Hazzard and driving ATVs.
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 And I'll wager that *class* has absolutely ZERO to do with *character*... nope, it's all about *material things*, right? Wrong, again it is not all about money. A person that has spent many a year being exposed to culture and has an education (well rounded) may also be considered classy in my view. Many families have lost all of their money but still have class. Such as a person who has no clue what a salt cellar is or thinks the Louvre is somthing that goes on the back window of a Ford Mustang. Regardless of income you still can expand your horizons. 1
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 It would be what you are accustomed to I would say. Raised with or acquired education and /or financial success. We certainly do have a class system here in the US. I would also say it pertains to having been exposed to culture, such as a grasp on life outside of the Dukes of Hazzard and driving ATVs. I know we do, I think it's funny that our consitution was based on some ficitonal idea of a democratic nation that will never exist anywhere in reality. Anyways, I was wondering, because there's that whole nouveau riche factor to consider. I would say that it's very difficult for this kind of marriage to sustain itself, because aside from sexual chemistry and similar moral values, you have to have some kind of common ground, where you can understand each other and why you value what you value. If you are with a man from a lower class, he would obviously value different things than you do, and as a result there would be frustration on both parts because there is that essential element of commonality that would kind of grease the wheels of communication, and if it's lacking, there would be grinding in the gears over time. Lack of lube and all that.
hotgurl Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Well I once dated a guy who was a HS drop out had no ambition was raised in a very poor family and thought everything should be handed to him. Needless to say it didn't work. I grew up middle class went to college and grew up with a very strong work ethic nothing is handed to you you work for it my family owns thier own business etc.. my current BF is more similar to me a better fit he grew up in a wealthy family self made business men. he went ot college and hsa a very strong work ethic and eventhough his dad earned a lot of money they made thier kids work for everyting. The only thing that is different is they had a different lifestyle growing up they went to Europe several times and the parent graudated from Havard. He went to boarding school and private college while I went to publis schools and state college although I have been to Europe we mostly camped etc.. But we have the same goals and are ambitious and have similar lifestyles we are a good match.
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Yeah. I agree with HG....I dated a guy who was an HS dropout, and I went to a university and want my master's degree. We would talk and I would say, if I ever have kids, they are going to go to college. No ifs, ands or buts. And we had a huge argument because he just did not value a college education like I did. It was foreign to him. No one in his faimly had ever gone, so he didnt' see what the big deal was. See what I mean? 1
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 I can see both sides of the class. My grandmother had cardboard in the bottoms of her shoes, raised 2 kids when her H died. Both kids are now multi millionaires. Both expanded their own horizons without coming from a vast amount of money. My H came from middle class to upper middle class, but does have the same work ethics it takes to attain financial success. But lacks exposure to culture, he had to expand his own cultural horizons. I do not think a college degree will get you as far these days, unless you have a highly specialized field or in the high earning medical professional field.
bab Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I've dated all over the board. The money thing was never a huge issue, although my "poorest" boyfriend thought I was materialistic because I wanted out COMBINED income to come to around $50,000. (laughable now...) I always felt really awkard around my "richest" boyfriend because I knew he made WAY more money than me, but I didn't know if he should pay for all our dates. The intelligence thing has been much more of an issue. The majority of the guys I've dated were less intelligent, and frankly, I just got bored. I'd always find a way to end if after a few months.
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I can see both sides of the class. My grandmother had cardboard in the bottoms of her shoes, raised 2 kids when her H died. Both kids are now multi millionaires. Both expanded their own horizons without coming from a vast amount of money. My H came from middle class to upper middle class, but does have the same work ethics it takes to attain financial success. But lacks exposure to culture, he had to expand his own cultural horizons. I do not think a college degree will get you as far these days, unless you have a highly specialized field or in the high earning medical professional field. I won't argue with you about the vast difference between a high school diploma and a college degree. I mean, my BF's xW and I basically do the same job but I get paid 1.5 times more than her with 10 years less experience, just because I have a receipt from a university (which is basically what a BS is). And you're comparing apples to oranges. Your grandmother was poor. But that way of thinking isn't genetic. There's a big difference between having poverty in your family, and experiencing poverty yourself and draggin yourself out of it.
hotgurl Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I can see both sides of the class. My grandmother had cardboard in the bottoms of her shoes, raised 2 kids when her H died. Both kids are now multi millionaires. Both expanded their own horizons without coming from a vast amount of money. My H came from middle class to upper middle class, but does have the same work ethics it takes to attain financial success. But lacks exposure to culture, he had to expand his own cultural horizons. I do not think a college degree will get you as far these days, unless you have a highly specialized field or in the high earning medical professional field. Yeah but I believe in education for educations sake. Expanding your horizons and challenging your mind and ideals. College is a great way to do that in fact I would be in school now laerning science etc.. if I could. you are talking more about drive, the internal drive that a person has to exapnd thier horizon cultural or otherwise and to suceed at life be ambitious. and that has nothing to do with class and everything to do with the indivdual person.
Touche Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Dating/marrying outside your class CAN be problematic BUT in my opinion what's even MORE problematic, because I've experienced this, is when you date/marry someone whose intelligence level is not close to your own. If it's much higher or much lower than your own, I find THAT can be more of a problem...same goes for values and moral. Those things are much bigger hurdles than class/education disparities in my opinion.
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Dating/marrying outside your class CAN be problematic BUT in my opinion what's even MORE problematic' date=' because I've experienced this, is when you date/marry someone whose intelligence level is not close to your own. If it's much higher or much lower than your own, I find THAT can be more of a problem...same goes for values and moral. Those things are much bigger hurdles than class/education disparities in my opinion.[/quote'] This is spot on. Totally agree.
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 I won't argue with you about the vast difference between a high school diploma and a college degree. I mean, my BF's xW and I basically do the same job but I get paid 1.5 times more than her with 10 years less experience, just because I have a receipt from a university (which is basically what a BS is). And you're comparing apples to oranges. Your grandmother was poor. But that way of thinking isn't genetic. There's a big difference between having poverty in your family, and experiencing poverty yourself and draggin yourself out of it. Well a degree in your field earns you a bit more.... but my H lacks a college degree and probably makes much more than you.(not to offend you ) So it would depend on the field you are in. I don't think a degree hurts, but I don't think you can actually get rich working for somebody else to make them money.....in rare cases yes....but not it is not typical. I do not know what you mean about comparing apples to oranges. Not one person gave me a dime growing up. Nor do I have a trust fund or have my property paid for by my family money. No loans, no phone calls back home to please send money. Been on my own since I was 15. No hand outs here, had my days to choose between heat or food.
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I do not know what you mean about comparing apples to oranges. Not one person gave me a dime growing up. Nor do I have a trust fund or have my property paid for by my family money. No loans, no phone calls back home to please send money. Been on my own since I was 15. No hand outs here, had my days to choose between heat or food. So where is the class difference, then? I'm having a hard time understand what you're asking, is this about money, culture, experience, intelligence, work ethic? That's why I asked about your definition of what class was, initially.
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 So where is the class difference, then? I'm having a hard time understand what you're asking, is this about money, culture, experience, intelligence, work ethic? That's why I asked about your definition of what class was, initially. Being well rounded with exposure to the finer things in life. I have had that, my H has not. Raised in middle class vs. upper class.
blind_otter Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 This: Not one person gave me a dime growing up. Nor do I have a trust fund or have my property paid for by my family money. No loans, no phone calls back home to please send money. Been on my own since I was 15. Is not your standard upper class upbringing.
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 This: Is not your standard upper class upbringing. No I would say not, but I chose to leave home as an adult at that time. Upper class does not mean a wonderful home enviroment. However I was exposed to the finer things in life at a young age. I did continue a relationship with my family but not living with them. I paid for my own plane tickets to Europe for family vacations, cars, lodging, ect.... not riding on a free meal ticket certainly taught me the value of a dollar and helped form my work ethics to attain my own money. Quite thankful for that. The Getty way
magda Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I don't think the class one is raised in has anything to do with their ability to appreciate, recognize or pursue the finer things in life. It's more about the ambition and interest to do so rather than what they were exposed to growing up.
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 I don't think the class one is raised in has anything to do with their ability to appreciate, recognize or pursue the finer things in life. It's more about the ambition and interest to do so rather than what they were exposed to growing up. I would certainly agree!
jerbear Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 The US is one of a few countries in the world that one can move up the ladder, class, caste, socioeconmic levels, education etc... With college grads, at least there are things we can talk about on a higher level. My dad wanted me to be an auto mechanic and make good money. I said to him I want to own the shop and have them make money for me. Even today he still doesn't get me. I was talking to someone at an Indian wedding talking about Indian and Chinese morals. We chatted about opportunities and lack of a caste/class system. Only in America can one's kids have a chance to be the president. In India, his children would not even have gotten a university degree let alone president. In my family, I'm the first to get an BS degree and I even raised the bar by finishing a master's degree from an Ivy institution. There are so many doors that are opening that my parents have not seen. I have the potential to be the manager of my mom's supervisor's boss' boss. Regarding lower income or class and friction. Yes I have seen that with my dad's coworkers when they talk to me. They are the construction workers while I'm the young white collar professional. They have different work ethics than me. Different work ethics apply to different levels, hourly vs salary; one is task based the other is job based. Now economic issues aside, what if the milk (wo)man delivered milk to your McMansion and your kid answers? Yes there is another way to move up the class.
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