babbah Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Hi everyone. there is something that's bothering me right now. it has something to do with my bestfriend and my girlfriend. here's a short background: my bestfriend and i were inseparables, that was before i met my girlfriend(she's a lesbian). we've been friends since we were in second grade. when she found out i have a girlfriend, it upsets her, but now she understand coz i love my gf very much. and now, last sunday she gave me a text message telling me that she needs me the most..she needs someone to talk to. my bestfriend is so strong and she's not the type of girl who always need someone to cry on. she always solve her problems on her own. that same day, my gf and her family have a reunion and i was invited. they are expecting me to come. we planned it long before. i dont want my gf to get mad at me. that is a very important occasion for her coz her family already knew about our relationshiop and gladly accepted me and welcomed me to the family. that's why i really need to go. that day, i didnt replied to my bestfriend, scared that she will insist for me to come to her place and cancell my plans for that day...coz she told me on her text. until now, she doesnt know that i ignored her.... i was thinking that if she asked me about the text, i will tell her that i received nothing from her....in short, LIE. im scared to tell her that i set her aside.... for me, what she doesnt know wont her her..... am i bad?
JohnM Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 No, you're not bad. Unless it was a major issue where you were badly needed by your friend I see no reason why you shouldn't have gone with your girlfriend. You could tell the lie or try find out why you were needed and explain simply why you couldn't miss your appointment.
climbergirl Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 WTF?? Tell her a lie?? Food for thought...........my best friend (22 years long and btw m/f) had to break off our friendship because his GF didn't like it. I understood, as hurt as I was, that he needed to everything to to make his relationship work. I sincerely wanted the best for him. Please don't lie.........you owe your bf the true explanation and that which is more easily forgiven than lying. Side note---My BF and his GF broke up and we are still the best of friends. Some bonds you can't break.
Author babbah Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 i agree with you, climbergirl that no matter what happens, no matter how many relationships you'll go through, at the end of the day, bestfriends will stay with you until the end- definitely the bond that you cant break. BUT..... i havent been texting her for 4 days now. bcoz i dont know what to tell her. if i will tell her the truth about the occasion last sunday, she will ask my why i never tell her right away. Because IM SCARED. i know her, she will feel upset if i will choose my gf than her, when she needed me the most. i dont know what to tell her. i really am confussed until today. i wanted to communicate to her tonight...i just dont know what to say... :(
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 i know her, she will feel upset if i will choose my gf than her, when she needed me the most. Then your friend is selfish and possessive. Acting more like a jealous lover than a buddy. She'll likely feel threatened by anyone new who comes into your life if it takes some of the attention away from her. Particularly if she doesn't have anyone of her own to occupy her time. Emotionally needy friends like this can be toxic. Especially if she already has you walking on eggshells, scared to death you might say or do something to set her off. OR… it could be that you're the one who may be over reacting. Perhaps you're more afraid of losing her (in case this new relationship doesn't work out) than she is of being replaced by another girl (???) Sort out your priorities. Decide if your life will continue to revolve around your friend … OR whether you are ready to give yourself permission to explore new friendships and relationships. And if your friend makes it impossible for you to have both, then someone's got to go… i wanted to communicate to her tonight...i just dont know what to say... Try on the "truth" and let the chips fall where they may. If she gets upset and ends your friendship over something so ridiculous, than she's saved you the trouble.
prfrogkisser Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I really believe in no drama. If you lie to your friend it will only get worse. What will she think of you if she finds out that you lied. A real friend would understand. Tell her how you feel and why you didnt call her back. You shouldnt be afraid of speaking your friend to your friend. I understand you not wanting to call her back because she might insist but you have to set your foot down. You are in a relationship and she needs to understand that your gf is your top priority right now. Dont worry about what she will say or do unless there is something more but that you have to find out on your own. Ask her why is she bothered by your gf? If she is making you feel guilty about who you decide to spend more time with then you need to let her go. Friends never make you choose. Good Luck;)
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Your bestfriend is jealous of your girlfriend. She feels left out, insecure that she isn't important to you anymore. She's very emotionally attached to you too and I think that is why is she making you feel bad and guilty - It's a reflection of what she is feeling inside. I think you need to reaffirm to her that she will always be in your life, but maybe things won't be exactly the same as they were before, but that doesn't mean you don't care about her any less than you did before, just means that life has changed for the better. Don't lie to her, be honest. You can't control what reaction she will/won't have, and also, it's not your problem. Speak from your heart, hope that she understands...
Author babbah Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 i really want to thank all of you for the responses...i really appreciate that. *hugs* i love my gf so much and i know that no matter what happens, if this relationship fails, my bestfriend will always be there for me.... ok, i will tell her the truth...and apologize as well for not coming to her house that day when she needed me the most. but i was wishing that she dont feel jealous with whom i'm with right now(my gf)...because when she was still on a relationship, she never heard a single word from me when i felt left out everytime sh'es with her boyfriend..... i just wish she will do the same for me... thank you again guys, you brightened my mind.....bless yah all.
Author babbah Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 hi! just wanna say we already settled everything. everythings ok now. no prob being caught up between my bestfriend and my girlfriend... thanks for the advices. hugs yah!
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