Praetorian Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I started working 1 month and a half ago and met a beautiful women that works in the same office as i do. She has a bf but she's starting to get more physical with me. And also before lunch she calls me so that the two of us can have lunch together and not with other colleagues. In the first days i felt something in her, some strange chemistry, like she was always picking on me, and specially talking about my eyes. She often said "don't stare at me that way...with those eyes..." and then smiled back. One day she invited me after work so that we could have a drink and talk and then her boyfriend phoned her to know were she was so that he could go there too, and she talked to to him in such a rude manner...clearly like she didn't want him to come over. We both are of the same opinion: it doesn't look like we know each other in only 1 month, it appears that we know each other for a LONG time. But as i said, now she's starting to get really physical but always picking on me. Saying i'm such a mama's boy, that i don't smoke or drink, etc. We talked about my past relationship, and she always said me that, "oh you're a very good guy you will not have any difficulties in finding someone..." And today, when we got back to the office after lunch, on the phone i said something like "i go through a lot with women..." and she replied "that's because you didn't dealt with the right women yet". Messages like these all the time another was " i don't have the patience and time for these people, for you i always have time". I'm really confused, because the most of the days she behaves like this, all physical and picky and then there's days that she ignores me like she's playing or something. Not plain ignoring but something similar to that. Forgive the clutch of information and my english also... I would like to hear your opinion on this one, as there's respect for her current relationship that i want to maintain.
Guest Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Another day that she invited me to see some clothes and have a tea after work. I'm feeling i'm in the friend zone...
Author Praetorian Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 Another day that she invited me to see some clothes and have coffee. We ended up talking for 3 hours until now. She doesn't seem a little bit worried that her bf was expecting her at home... besides all that i'm feeling i'm in friend zone...
MadDog Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Congrats. I think you're the offical backup boyfriend. Now all you have to do is wait for them to break up (could be next week, could be never) and you're golden. MD
Delectable Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Let's see I started reading here....I started working 1 month and a half ago and met a beautiful women that works in the same office as i do. She has a bf She has a bf but she's starting to get more physical with me. and stoped about here....... I mean if she will cheat and bad mouth her bf...what will she do with you when someone hotter joins your company or when she is not at work?
IWalkAlone Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 "I have a boyfriend" is vague. It could mean anything from a fiance down to a friend with benefits or a guy she dated twice last month. She likes you. Unless you sense she is a psyco-bitch who will make your work environment hell if it doesn't work out, go for it.
mitchilicious Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 well...its normal to feel that u know her for a long time but infact u know her for a month only...i experience that always...as in always...i thought i knew the person so well and we are so close to the point we are goin to get steady...but i stop for a while....i have to find out where i stand...and ure the guy..u should be the one to ask her what the real score...maybe yeah she is just playing wd you..but what about ure feelings...you have to consider it too....talk to her and ask her....anyway...goodluck!! let us know if you two end up.....
Author Praetorian Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 And then there's days like today that she's going to lunch with some other friend... and sometimes her bf, LOL! Walks to me with an open smile and says "good lunch". See? That's one of the reasons why i say i'm in friend zone... or is she trying to pull something out of me? Thanks for all your opinions! ps. By the way, she and her bf are together for 6 years... Delectable: That is constantly on my mind...
IWalkAlone Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 She's been with her bf 6 years? Then there's two possibilities... 1) She likes you. She's thinking of leaving her boyfriend, but she's hesitent without another guy in the wings. 2) You're in the friend zone. Either way, my recommendation is this: hook up with her outside of work somehwere. Tell her that you find her fascinating and you'd like to see if your relationsyhip can go beyond just friends. If it's 1), then great! If it's 2), she may distance herself from you, but that's OK, because being in the friend zone - friends with someone you have romantic feelings for - is an emotionally unhealthy place to be. Another possibility is that she may help you find someone else. If you can hang out outsode of work with her where other women see you, that is a plus. If she appears to other women to be flirting with you, and then you hit on them, you will appear more desireable
Author Praetorian Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 One thing i remember that can make the case a little more weird (or clearer) was that yesterday on the phone she said joking that she had stomachache and was pregnant and when we went to our 5 minute coffee break she told me that pregnant is one thing that she isn't FOR SURE! And man, she reinforced for sure! It would be a miracle if she was, she said, always smiling in a sarcastic way, if you know what i mean...*cof* *cof* there's someone who isn't getting the job done very well *cof* *cof* Among others, romantism is another thing that she complaint about. So my question is: does she want me to make the move? Or does she sees me as someone that she can trust to talk about this things... Subtle things like knowing that i'm passing behind her and streaching her foot... child things you know... One thing is certain, she's asking to be kissed... But then again i feel that is too soon for doing what you said IWalkAlone, I'm afraid i'll cross that thin line of her current relationship. If she hadn't that relationship, and taking in account that 6 years are 6 years, i definitely would made my move already, i prefer, at least for now, to be more subtle with the compliments towards her to create a certain aura of romantism.
Author Praetorian Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Some feedback from the experts! Pleeeease!
Author Praetorian Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Today on the phone she said "just called to hear your voice, i missed you." and then i said "are you playing with me or do you have someone on the phone that wants to talk to me?" she replied "i don't play with people's feelings..." but she was joking with me. She wanted to pass some other person to me on the phone. Now, do these constant jokes contain some true feeling? I'm trying to find out...
RecordProducer Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 If I were you, I would let her know that I like her a lot in a very subtle way. Women read between the lines more than men do (you don't have to draw things for us! ). Tell her that she is very beautiful. When you talk about girls, tell her that you would like to have a girl like her, then add "or YOU, if you were available ". Make jokes like that. She will understand the meaning of them, but you will stay clean and friendly. Don't forget to give her sweet looks and smiles from time to time. Do little things for her. Buy her a chocolate bar or whatever you know she likes. Ask her when her birthday is. Discuss her astrological sign vs. yours, as in how the two of you would get along. She will get the picture and if she is interested in you, she will give you encouraging signals. Good luck!
Author Praetorian Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Thanks RecordProducer! That will be my approach...as it has been until now...
Author Praetorian Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 What do i do to avoid getting nailed by this situation? On one hand i think she has some special feeling towards me, but on the other it's more comfortable for her to have me in friend zone. I'm starting to find very hard to concentrate in work. Today was specially hard... we went to have a snack after work and she wanted me to get the bus with her, but today I wasn't in a good mood... One thing is that she insists in telling me that girl x and girl y is good for me. Does that mean anything apart from being just a joke?
Author Praetorian Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 Need your advice guys and girls...
RecordProducer Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Well you can't really know how she feels about you until you actually make some advances. You can ask her out, there's nothing wrong with that. She can only like you even more if she knows that you like her. And by now, she already knows that you like her so it's not like it would be big news for her. You can ask her out to dinner or theater or to see some show. Start from there. If she accepts, don't try to kiss her unless you're absolutely sure that she won't turn her head away from you. If she turns down your invitation, deal with the rejection like a gentleman (she has a boyfriend of 5 years after all). If you don't take the risk, you'll never know. But most of all, keep things easy and go slowly toward your goal. Be patient! Sometimes it takes time for a woman to fall in love with someone. She might open up to you if you become really good friends. But she will probably be reluctant to give you a chance right away and dump her boyfriend. Also if she has problems in her relationship, you don't want to be the "transitional" man - the one to help her get over the ex. If it's meant to be, it WILL be. Let things develop spontaneously.
TheTallOne Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I'd stay away from her.. if she has a b/f. 6 years is a long time... its not like she was dating him for a few months, and she got bored of him. Also.. she is from work, work situations don't generally work out that well. Good luck.
Author Praetorian Posted April 1, 2006 Author Posted April 1, 2006 Now she's telling me that she sees no future with her boyfriend...
Author Praetorian Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 Ok, it happened 1 week ago! She started sms me and i ended up picking her at her house at 4am. We kissed and cudled until 11 am! The weird thing is, as i mentioned before, she has a 6-7 years relationship and she's very afraid of hurting me because she doesn't know exactly how or what she's feeling. I feel she loves me but yet again is too soon to make that assumption, i just feel it and also that it is a matter of time before she breaks up with him. Her relationship is nothing and when i say nothing i really mean nothing at all... Completely lack feelings and i seriously don't know why she insists being in a relationship where she doesn't get absolutely nothing. At first i didn't want to put pression on her regarding her relationship with the intends of forcing her to take this or that decision, but i have feelings... We don't have time for us, because... well you know why... i can't pick her at any place, she can't pick me at any place... it sucks... Am i doing something wrong? Am i being too soft on her? I feel that if i push her she will turn to the stupid, unexisting safety of her relationship. Strange thing is, she said she isn't able to lie to the other person and what she does is the exact opposite. What happened was SOO beautiful for both of us ... She said she never felt like it! That i was extremely cute and recently she said she didn't deserve my love because it was too perfect ...
crazy_grl Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 Praetorian, you sound like you really like this girl, and I feel bad to bring you down, but I think if you keep things up with her, you're just going to get your heart ripped out. Ok, it happened 1 week ago! She started sms me and i ended up picking her at her house at 4am. We kissed and cudled until 11 am! Haven't you ever heard the old classic "If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you." Put yourself in the bf's shoes and think of how you'd feel if she was doing what she's doing with you behind your back with another guy, because somewhere down the line, that IS going to be you. The weird thing is, as i mentioned before, she has a 6-7 years relationship and she's very afraid of hurting me because she doesn't know exactly how or what she's feeling. I feel she loves me but yet again is too soon to make that assumption, i just feel it and also that it is a matter of time before she breaks up with him. She's had plenty of time to break up with him before you two got together. If she hasn't done it by now, she's either not going to or she's got issues which make her need to have the next guy lined up before she can leave her relationship. That's NOT a good characteristic in a gf. And if she was REALLY worried about not hurting you, she wouldn't have started pursuing you until after she sorted out her feelings about her bf. I don't even have a BF and I wouldn't pursue a guy as heavily as she did you if I wasn't sure that I wanted to date him. Her behavior is selfish and inconsiderate of you and her bf of 6 years. Her relationship is nothing and when i say nothing i really mean nothing at all... Completely lack feelings and i seriously don't know why she insists being in a relationship where she doesn't get absolutely nothing. Because she does get something. People don't stay in relationships when they're not getting anything out of it. It might not even be something healthy, but I guarantee you, there's still something she needs there. Praetorian, I hope you'll end this now before you get really, really hurt. I know you like her and she's probably got many good qualities, such as looks and personality, but she's lacking in character, which is the most important quality to look for in a mate.
Curmudgeon Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 She's clearly been fishing. The remarks about girl x or girl y being good for you were open invitations for you to tell her you were interested in her or that the other girls couldn't measure up to her. Apparently you didn't take the hint and that's probably good. If she was completely honest and above board she'd have left her present relationship because it wasn't meeting her needs or fulfilling her BEFORE she started coming on to you. I think she wants to make sure she has you for backup before giving up the known qualtity and that's less than comendable and makes me question her integrity and character. Bottom line is, you work together and fishing in the company pond is never a good idea, especially not when those cute looks and smiles turn into glares and hard-set expressions because it didn't work out.
crazy_grl Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 Here's something I think you should read, Praetorian. Though there's enough difference in the stories that I don't think you're talking about the same girl, his story is so similar to yours, only from this bf's side. This is the kind of heartache that you and your girl are probably putting her bf through. And it's probably the same type of thing she'll put you through if you become her bf. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87297/
Author Praetorian Posted May 13, 2006 Author Posted May 13, 2006 Things continue the same... Though she had told me she will not break up with her bf... so there's only one thing i can do... She says one thing and then she act the other way...Why? Because she says she can't resist me... Some opinions before i break this up!
LexiB Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 It's been time for you to break this up. Honestly there's not much for you to break up b/c it doesn't seem like you ever had a real relationship with her to begin with ~ and you never will unless she ends things with her boyfriend. If she's told you flat out that she has no intention of leaving the other guy then what else is there to say? I'm sorry hon, but it's done. She needs to have more respect for your feelings than to lead you on knowing there's no chance in hell of the two of you being together for real. On the flip slide (and I'm sure you know this), you gotta be stronger for yourself than to continue trying to pursue a relationship that for the time being is virtually impossible for you to attain. Good Luck to you
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