KittenMoon Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I just wanted to get some perspective on this. Short recap, ex-bf and I were together over 6 years and broke up about a month ago. I am having a hard time coping, but I'm trying to move forward. But him? His "coping" has been to cut off all contact with me (understandable) but also with all our close mutual friends, who we saw 2-3 times week for years. He's written two very brief emails to say he was still alive and as ok as he could be, but only after being emailed first and waiting quite a while. Another mutual friend has his favorite pillow since it was accidently left at his parent's place (where we crashed one night on a trip) and my ex has not even tried to contact or pick it up (he LOVED that pillow). I've seen him once when i picked up my stuff and once yesterday when I needed to have a talk w/ him about stuff, and both times he hasn't wanted to see me. Again, understandable, but he won't even LOOK at me and does whatever he can to either cover his eyes or not look at me. I wanted to yell, "just cry and let it out it doesn't matter, it's not like you're taking me back, so just let yourself grieve!" Does anyone else think this sounds very repressive? Has anyone else had this problem with exes, or even just friends? Is this just a male trait? I know he's trying to move foward, it just seems so unhealthy to cut off most of your best friends. I know there's nothing I personally can do, but I do worry, and I hope if our friends try to reach out to him, he'll reach back. The funny thing is, I know he's having a hard time, even though he doesn't really want to acknowledge it. One of the hardest part of this break-up is seeing him in pain and NOT being able to comfort him because I'M the pain.
Dinnj1 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Don't know if this will help ya... but I remember back when I ended a 6 year relationship... first love. It was a sorta/kinda mutual break up. She wanted to marry, but I didn't... (I was 23 at the time) way too soon in my life to be married. Long story short... that was our first break up... it took about a month and half for me to sort some feelings out... with NC... of course, I didn't even know about NC then... it was just my choice and hers to not bother with each other. I spent most of my time with my regular friends... NOT 'our' mutual friends.... After that little break... I approached... in a subtle way... unfortunately, she was already dating someone new. They got engaged 3 months after 'our' break up... (rebound for her) I was hurt, very hurt, but happy it wasn't me in the end. Sooo, 6 years... heavy relationship... I would say.... 2-3 months he may be a little weird with you....AND the mutual friends.
lovetolearn Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Hi, I read your post and it was as if you were writing about me. I have been separated for over a year and I still don't want anything to do with my ex. She had an affair that was very painful for me and my feelings of resentment and hatred towards her have made it very hard for me to even look at her. I don't know if your situation is anything like mine but if it is he is feeling a lot of negative emotions that make it almost impossible to communicate with you in any constructive way. I stay away from my ex because I know that there is no way I could talk to her as a friend again. I think in time things will settle down and the pain will fade away but don't expect him to forgive and forget right away. ( I am reading between the lines here and assuming it was you who broke off the relationship - sorry if i'm off base ).
Author KittenMoon Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 No, he "broke it off" meaning he basically backed me into a corner, refused to actually say it out loud and then forced me to say "breaking up is obviously what you want". He basically made me dump myself, and is now avoiding anything that reminds him of me. It didn't happen for any one reason, just a lack of forward momentum. So I'm just worried about him. He came over at my request a couple days ago and seemed very much like he was avoiding all pain at any cost, mostly by being angry. But it wasn't like "anger at me" it was like "anger at feelings". I shouldn't worry about him, but I do. I do love him. I know I won't be getting over that for a while. I don't think he will either, but I think he thinks by avoiding all reminders, he's getting over it. I suppose he'll probably get a surprise sooner or later.
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