MusicWoman Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 So, I have had three serious boyfriends in my life...the 3rd being my fiance. The 2nd was my first serious sexual partner (the first I was just in high school...only slept together about 3 weeks before we broke up). SO, it seems that a lot of my experiences, sexually, have been with the second guy. Also...you know how when your with someone the two of you come up with cute little things that are just between the two of you..or inside jokes...or just simple words turn into little things between the two of you? Alright, I'm really trying to explain this but its hard...bare with me..lol I guess my problem is, is I find myself holding back in this relationship I am in now...emotionally...because I'm afraid of having things come out that shouldn't. Like...If there was some cute thing I did with my ex...and its something that came from me so its something that I do...and I do it with my fiancee it starts to make me over-think and over-anylize. I start thinking if I am trying to pretend my current man is my ex? But then if I sit there and try to think if I still have feelings for my ex...I know I don't. I think this problem is also making me hold back emotionally. When my ex is the first person I ever had super strong feelings for...when I experience glimpses of them with my man I just start feeling wierd right away and make them go away. I didn't really realize I was doing this until last night. On the sexual part..I think I hold back there as well. I have this wierd fear of saying my ex's name...not because i'm thinking about him...but because I've been so used to saying that WORD while having sex. I know its my problem...and I know I think to much...I told this to my man last night and he said that I should just let go of the worries and take a xanax:laugh: I think that sounds like good advice...but I was wondering if anyone else had a wierd transition time or had this problem after starting over with someone new and wonderful... Thanks and I know i'm crazy! haha
justagirliegirl Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Wondering how old are you now. How long were you with the 2nd bf and how long was it after you broke up before you got with your current bf?
bab Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 MusicWoman, I don't mean to be harsh, but the two of you shouldn't be engaged right now. This relationship is way to new. While the things you are talking about do happen at the beginning of a relationship, they should be way over with before an egagement takes place. Take the time to get to really know your bf and let all the kinks work themselves out before trying to plan a life together. You are really jumping into this thing to fast. If it's meant to be, it will, but by being engaged when you've not even been together 4 months is putting unneccessary stress on this relationship, and is probably causing most of the over analyzing. Just let this relationship be new without all the long term pressures, and alot of your concerns and questions will evaporate. --bab
Curmudgeon Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 MusicWoman, if you still tend to over-analyze and being with #3 still conjures up memories and habits associated with #2, marriage or even engagement seems premature and on shaky ground. I was married to the ex for 25 years, took two years "off" from socializing during and following the divorce then asked my current wife out. In the 10 years we've been married I only called her by the ex's name once, about seven years ago, and it wasn't in the bedroom. I have certainly never thought of the ex in any context with my wife. I think you need to give it some more time.
Author MusicWoman Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 thanks, its hard to hear but good advice...i asked for it..haha I wish he hadn't proposed to me so soon, but I do see myself with him for the future. And yes, a lot of this crazy thinking and such has come up SINCE becoming engaged. I know for sure we're not going to get married when I'm still having these wierd feelings and overanylizing and all of that...but I do love him. I can't quite give him back the ring and expect us to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend if I still really do want to spend the rest of my life with him...even though things are freaking me out. Its just...confusing...thanks for bearing with me everyone..and thanks for you advice
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