Moodswing Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 It's been 3 months since I was dumped, in a nutshell. Dated for 2 years, and prior to that had been in touch via a few friendly emails because we used to know each other as young kids. Anyway, we fell out 3 months ago - I had built up a years worth of resentment towards him over 2 ex-girlfriends sending him anonymous notes and saw one email with obvious unresolved feelings from her part. Anyway, he didn't deem it fit to talk about these notes so I naturally became a jealous witch! Anyway, when he dumped me, he pleaded that he wanted me to remain his best friend, just without the 'romance'. Something I didn't want to do - I just wanted to bolt and have NC forever! Anyway, I bowed down to his request after a couple of weeks and see him weekly, he emails daily and we still run our website together and still socialise together alot. Thing is, on the surface I look like I'm accepting this situation, but the past few days, I'm starting to think "what is the point of this" - I can't have him 100% and what happens if he meets someone else". I know I won't be happy about that, so, what's the best advise anyone out there can give? I'm torn, I don't want him to know I'm suffering, I still hold out that we might get back together, my self esteem is still good, yet I'm pretty sure he doesn't want me again - after all, it's 3 months! When we're socialising together, everyone still thinks we're an item - he still flirts with me, he still arranges us to arrive and leave places together, yet when it suits him, he ribs me as if I've pulled some bloke! Is he just using me to inflate his ego in public? (sounds very confident of me, but I'm not bad looking!) Well, not sure if you can lift me up a bit, maybe come up with something I haven't - but I feel better for writing it down! Thanks
tikigods Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I think he is using you as you said to infalte his ego of sorts. He knows that you will be there for him, and he also knows that you will do anything for him, prehaps since you said, in hopes that you might get back together. I say screw what he wants and the friendship and whatnot, you can't really move on with him treating you like this, and chances are the second he finds someone else your best friend status will be out the window. Dtich him before he can ditch you
soitgoes Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I agree, ditch it at once. I am in love with a cheater- have not contacted him and am trying to move on but it's not fun. And we have been together for almost 7 years!!!! I feel like if it had been 3 months in and I saw the pattern I would run, just like pink floyd, run, run, run. But I had too much love invested and let it go for years. Now it is so ultimately hard! I let myself fall to deeply in love and it's hard to hold my ground, even though my heart is so much at stake. Please find someone with no attachment to his ex's. Someone who has his attention only for you. You are at a point where you can walk out somewhat easily- if you don't you will be living a life of insecurities. It is hard to go through and hard to leave. Also- don't give him so much. If your going to wait to see if it changes don't be readily available. If he is going to keep these connections don't let yours become strong. If you do you will become submissive and he will know he can get away with whatever he wants. don't be easily attainable and if your worth enough he will lose his baggage and you will know it is real.
soitgoes Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Okay- didn't realize you had dated for 2 years. Your probably more in my boat. But- it you've had no contact for 3 months you doing far better than me. If you have the strength use it. I am still searching.
Author Moodswing Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 Thanks so much for your advice everyone. I have been on contact with him everyday since the break up, and it hasn't been instigated by me either, so there hasn't been a time of NC. But now I feel like it should be time for that. I don't think I mentioned that he is a divorcee - fortunately his ex doesn't contact him - she left him, so at least I didn't have her to worry about - it seemed it was the ex-girlfriends before her that seem to have reared their ugly heads! (They probably found out he was young, free and single again). Well, at least I tried to be a friend to him, but it just hasn't worked out for me. Why is it so hard to let go of emotions!!!!
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