kitten chick Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I usually head down to Miami every year with the girls. I think it should be, what happens in Miami stays in Miami"
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Hey Pad - how about going to the west coast for a weekend or something? If Charlie's taking time -- you should too, especially w/your Bro all up in yer business. I'm just sayin'.
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Hey Pad - how about going to the west coast for a weekend or something? If Charlie's taking time -- you should too, especially w/your Bro all up in yer business. I'm just sayin'. Impossible. I have to work, I have dentist appointments for my son and myself, I have to wait to hear about my two job interviews, I don't have much vacation time left, I don't have the money to rent a car of buy a airline ticket, pay for a hotel, etc etc. My vacation is usually buying a pair of shoes, chatting on LS, sleeping, renting a movie, chatting on the phone with my mom or gfs, or going out dancing... My club gf and I decieded we are going to do a double night this weekend. We are doing the normal Friday night club with everyone (18+) and then Saturday we are going to a different type of club that plays ROCK and HipHop.. It's a total different crowd and both of us feel like we slipped back to the late 80s heavy metal days... She is closest to me in age and maturity then my other friends I hang with. She and I need a excursion on our level.. We both have been living parellel lives when it comes to the men we've been meeting and dating... We have bad luck. We both are thinking about letting lose and stepping out of or own skin.. Time to pull out the little black mini, the short strap shirt and heels. hmmmmmm:laugh: time for some attemtion--I need attention...(Time to play and ditch)
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 I messed up my dentist appt. AGAIN. I had the last one and todays times transposed. I missed my appt today. I have the afternoon off now and I'm depressed, emotional, I feel like my chest is being crushed and my throat is squeezing in on me. I'm fighting anxiety. I just want to go home, crawl into bed with the blinds closed and cry.. But I CANT.. my son is home on spring break.. How can I even get time to myself. I have no energy to go out and shop or do anything. I feel so empty and alone. Everything is just heavy right now.
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 MAybe you could go see a movie by yourself? I do that all the time. That way I actually get to watch the movie. Otherwise I talk the whole way through.
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 MAybe you could go see a movie by yourself? I do that all the time. That way I actually get to watch the movie. Otherwise I talk the whole way through. Thanks but I'm a social person and a person who likes the company of others and I'm not one to sit in a restaurant, bar or movie alone. I'm so meloncholy that a movie wouldn't even interest me. Nothing does right now but finding some security someplace.. Preferrably from Charlie but fat-chance that will happen. I feel so ditched... I feel dumped... AGAIN... F-men..
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I messed up my dentist appt. AGAIN. I had the last one and todays times transposed. I missed my appt today. I have the afternoon off now and I'm depressed, emotional, I feel like my chest is being crushed and my throat is squeezing in on me. I'm fighting anxiety. I just want to go home, crawl into bed with the blinds closed and cry.. But I CANT.. my son is home on spring break.. How can I even get time to myself. I have no energy to go out and shop or do anything. I feel so empty and alone. Everything is just heavy right now. Pada, do some deep breathing exercises to help relieve the anxiety. Take a long deep breath, hold one nostral closed while breathing in...Hold for 10 seconds, then let go and hold the other nostral and breathe out slowly. Do this about 4 times...Your anxiety should lessen and you'll feel more relaxed.
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 I've been jamming to Evanescence for the past two days. I am so full of hurt and anger.. I'm gonna go home and cry.. I need too.. Turn up the music and cry in my pillow. The rollercoaster is starting up again.. Everyone jump off!!!
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 When I get really upset I go find a swingset in a park and swing. Of course this may look bizarre to others, luckily I am small enough to pass for a large child. haha
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 When I get really upset I go find a swingset in a park and swing. Of course this may look bizarre to others, luckily I am small enough to pass for a large child. haha I use to go for walks in the woods and sit along the river. Pray and cry. I can't now.. I live in the city. There is snow on the ground and its a combo of snow and rain today, just a meloncholoy day.
riobikini Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Pada, just read your latest posts, -have had no time today, til now, to see how things are going...but after reading some of the posts, it sounds like its time to try that bbl. bath thing I suggested. Anyway, I wanted to comment on some of what you wrote in this: Pada: " Which feels like abandonment to me because he has called me everyday since the first week we met. Its unsettling to not see him also. We seen each other 3-6 days a week and now its like he fell off the planet.. I really need a hug. I miss him.. No ones arms will do but his. (he didn't hug me much anyway) It feels like a break-up.. This really sucks." B** also called every evening when he got home from work. The strange thing was that even though he called, he seemed to always be in this fantastic rush to get off the phone. I never understood that and it always annoyed me, -he seemed so uncomfortable with making conversation. Looking back, it should have clued me in that he was not a very good communicator. I also understand about missing him so terribly, even though he was never all that affectionate, anyway. I confused myself with that one, too. I often just felt truly abandoned by him. It seems ironic to miss the attention of someone you got so little attention from, in the first place. It made me annoyed with myself, -and with him. I often thought, "Can't I do better than this?" -Rio
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 ............ I also understand about missing him so terribly, even though he was never all that affectionate, anyway. ................ It seems ironic to miss the attention of someone you got so little attention from, in the first place. -Rio Funny, Charlie and I have had some of our best conversatins over the phone. Some days he was in a hurry most days he gave me 15 minutes to almost an hour. Even after a date... I think the hardest part for me right now is not knowing what he is going through. He is distant and not communicating. He always told me what he was up too and what he was planning now I am in the dark. When habits are developed there is a expectation and when that changes it is a very very uncomfortable postition to be in.. I am missing all of him and what he has done for me. the little things. just hearing his voice, seeing his smile, listening to him talk about things, even the way he smells, the warmth of his skin.
riobikini Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Pada, actually, you seem to be doing much better than I did with all this. But you are right, -its the waiting that can tire you out. During the first pahse of winding down our relationship, he said he needed time to think about a few things and I told him to take all the time he needed to figure things out...(jokingly, adding not to wait forever)...he must still be thinking, because the subject was never raised, again, by him. -Rio
a4a Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 ok I am out of line with this..........but I gotta know! Are you going to keep the ring if things don't work out?
alphamale Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Funny, Charlie and I have had some of our best conversatins over the phone. ummm....I could be wrong, but the last time I checked your best convos should be in person.
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 Alright-- Guess what he just called..Yeah he remembered I had a dentist appt today... but he was surprised that i had to cancel it because I transposed the times of the dates. Anyways, he is leaving town Friday and won't be back until Sunday. He IS taking his kids up to the cabin for ice fishing all weekend and they are on spring break all next week and he has them then. He said he is thinking about heading back up to the cabin midweek with them because they can't sit in the apt and watch tv all week. We had a conversation more about us.. He said: I am taking time to think and figure things out. I am looking at myself and wondering why I haven't been able to give you what you need. 'I stopped here and asked him what he thinks I am needing and asking' He told me what he thought! I told him he was only right on two things; the things I have been trying to get him to understand----touch (affection) and communication of his feelings for me. The rest I explained where NOT true. I told him everything he has done for me has been great and I have no complaints about anything he has done or shared with me. I told him he is wonderful but the two areas I question-touch and expression of feelings.. He said ok he understood. He said he needs to figure out why he isn't touching me or telling me how he feels. He said it is with him not me. He said he needs to figure out what he feels for me. He said he isn't ready for marriage (I stopped him and said I am not either but someday I would like it.) He said he may not be ready for 10 years he didn't know. I said I understood that also because I'm not ready for marriage either. I don't want to rush into it. He said he doesn't even know if he wants to be in a serious relationship right now.. (Know what the hell---this pisses me off ..Why string me along for almost 6 months then tell me this. WTF? Why was he paying big $$ for a matchmaking service then?) He told me he understood that I was having a hard time right now. I said I am, a very hard time. He said he knows how I feel about him. He said said to be a tough chic and don't start crying. He reminded me he likes tough chics not weak ones. :lmao: Shyt he needs to piss me off then.. How much time does a guy need to figure out what he feels for a woman??? Everyone who has followed my threads and posts knows my facts with ths man... with all the phone calls and dates (his initiative not mine) in almost 6 months then he backs off to figure out what he feels for me and what he wants.. How long will it possibly take him.. ?????? This seperation is killing me inside. I am becoming physically ill because of it.. a4a---to answer your question: if we break up I will offer it back to him. If he doesn't take it then I'll keep it. I most likely wont wear it for a few months but when the hurt subsides and I can respect once again how good he was to me, I will be able to wear it again with good feelings. I will not take mine back that I gave him... I WILL NEVER ASK FOR A GIFT I GAVE A MAN BACK... when I give a gift I give it with love and genuinely forever... If he doesn't want it, then he can do as he pleases, just don't tell me what or it will hurt... gifts from me are sincere. I don't give gifts very often but when I do you should know that I put my heart into it... that is who I am..
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 My best advice, give him the time he needs. I'm sure it hurt hearing what he had to say, but he was 100% honest with you. He isn't sure what he is feeling right now...Don't take that as a horrible thing, and what I mean by that is, you both knew going in to the relationship it was fast and he'd just ended another relationship...So, he hasn't had a chance to digest the past and then let the feelings grow for you. He is unsure of himself, not you. Ofcourse it is hard NOT to take that personally, yet he is being open now. He wants to find out why he can't be as affectionate as you would like him to be...Again, HIS issue, not yours. He can't handle your reactions right now, which is what he meant him wanting you to be tough. It is sort of unfair right now to unload your sadness on him, he just can't deal with it. Sorry if that reads harshly Pada... As for marriage and forever? His mind can't go that far, he can't see the future as clearly as you can...Now, that could be because of his past, or maybe it's because he needs time to figure things out. He may never want to be married again, or maybe in time, he will feel differently. How much time does a guy need to figure out what he feels for a woman??? Noone can really answer that, everyone is different. Just know, for now, things are not over - Just on hold. Sucks, and is painful for sure, but, respect HIM for taking that time to figure things out. Oh, and I have to say, I don't believe he has strung you along at all...His actions (ring, and spending time with you) don't show that...Please, don't think that way because if you allow that train of thought to take over, it will spiral out of control and make things worse...
Mz. Pixie Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 WWIU is right. He was honest and basically although you didn't like what he said, it's what you wanted- for him to tell you what he was thinking. Look on the bright side- hopefully he's going to wise up and figure out how he feels about you and things will end up working out!
a4a Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 Pada playing devils advocate here. If the shoe were on the other foot. A man kept pressuring you to explain how you feel, what you want, on you about his needs, what he wants from you in just 5 month period of time........ well would you not need a break to figure it out? I would feel suffocated if all this came at me after just 5 months. get mad if you will..... but no way I could deal with that much pressure so soon.
alphamale Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 How much time does a guy need to figure out what he feels for a woman??? for me? six month minimum and a year maximum....
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 for me? six month minimum and a year maximum.... That is, if you actually make it to the six month mark... Sorry, I couldn't resist...
alphamale Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 That is, if you actually make it to the six month mark... they would have already passed a number of tests to even make it to the six month mark...
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 My mom thinks he might be seeing if he will miss me.. he is trying to figure out what he feels for me.. He gets jealous; doesn't that say something? (not bad jealousy just the little kind.) He is the one who initated 98% of the phone calls to met up. He is the one who wouldn't let me pay for my own. He is the one who kissed me first. He is the one who touched first. He is the one who rushed for me to meet his kids and I put it off. He is the one who did most things first. I let him. I made him call me when we got each others profiles. I waited for him to call me--a week later. I know he has interest in me but why doesnt he know how he feels about me? he is so confusing. WWIU says: Don't take that as a horrible thing, and what I mean by that is, you both knew going in to the relationship it was fast and he'd just ended another relationship...So, he hasn't had a chance to digest the past and then let the feelings grow for you. He is unsure of himself, not you. Of course it is hard NOT to take that personally, yet he is being open now. He wants to find out why he can't be as affectionate as you would like him to be...Again, HIS issue, not yours. You are right about this and I think it somewhat answers some of my questions but it sucks. He did say it was him and not me with the issue. I didn't pour my feelings out to him. I held them back but I did give him enough to remind him I care deeply for him--I didn't shower him with praises of my love.. I did tell him that I am struggling and trying to keep my sanity without getting into any details. I tried to keep everything I said simple. I did my best to keep myself in check emotionally. but my voice was weak, sad, but direct. He did listen and he let me explain what I needed. I was walking on eggshells. I informed him that I will be going out this weekend with the girls and my gf and I are going to the other club saturday. He told me he will be out of town upon that. We did exchange our plans and whats happening in our lives. I feel content with the info I gave him and I don't think I overwhelmed him too much. He was calm, almost depressed sounding on the phone, and responsive. I wish I could hug him and hold him.. but I can't.. WWIU--your words are not harsh. they are like a reality check
Touche Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 I think he's letting you down easily. For whatever reason, he doesn't think you're compatible.
Author basscatcher Posted March 23, 2006 Author Posted March 23, 2006 I think he's letting you down easily. For whatever reason' date=' he doesn't think you're compatible.[/quote'] Gawd I don't want to hear this. I don't want my life to whirlwind down. This is not settling with me. I can't swallow it. I can't accept it. Not yet.
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