alphamale Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 ok ok, can we get back on track here please?? this thread is about PADA's situation...
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Yes, and the distraction is making her feel abit better...Little sideshow inside her thread... I think we're embarressing alpha again, sorry, we'll stop now...
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 ok ok, can we get back on track here please?? this thread is about PADA's situation... You just know I would totally kick your ass at topless mud wrestling.
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 ok ok, can we get back on track here please?? this thread is about PADA's situation... Ahahah do u really care? OMG I am surprised Alpha has a sensitive side.. This is good... I knew you had one in you... WWIU said: Yes, and the distraction is making her feel abit better...Little sideshow inside her thread... I think we're embarressing alpha again, sorry, we'll stop now... Yes it does help and I am not offended... It nice my thread got the attention it did. Makes me feel good. I also got lots of support from it. It is appreciated more then any of you will understand.. ------- I know there maybe tough days ahead.. But today I am good. I am hyped about partying this weekend and flirting.. The cleveage will be out. the ass will be tight, the heels will be on. The eye will be big, blue and flirty... Ahhhhhh the power of being a woman....
alphamale Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 You just know I would totally kick your ass at topless mud wrestling. only cause you'd stick your gross feet in my face and I'd pass out...
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Actually B_O told me she was gonna give your nipples afew tweeks and licks! HA, now that oughtta make you pass out! Yes, we all know how you feel about nipple touching! hehe..
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 only cause you'd stick your gross feet in my face and I'd pass out... I said TOPLESS mud wrestling, not shoeless.
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I said TOPLESS mud wrestling, not shoeless. Yeah, you gotta wear shoes...For better traction!
alphamale Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I said TOPLESS mud wrestling, not shoeless. no one wrestles in viscous fluid with shoes on....they'd be sucked off your feet
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 Yeah, you gotta wear shoes...For better traction! Now that would be dangerous. Shoe tracks on boobs. Hmm that would hurt. Heel in the groin--Alpha goes down for the count..(hands holding jewels.) Yikes
Kengne Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Hi Pada, I'm only on page 5 of your very long thread ... but I've skimmed most of the end pages so I just had to post my 2 cents now anyways. What – after a mere 5 ½ mths – do you want from him? What do you EXPECT him to feel? And if he isn’t feeling what YOU feel – what are YOU prepared to do about it? Go or stay, the choice is yours. Not everyone is affectionate, or a touchy-feely person. So I feel that the comments you made to him about his ex-wife and ex-gf were pretty low & hurtful. If I were him – and you made those comments to me – I’d really be turned off. It would not inspire me to change, nor would it inspire in me deep feelings for you. I mean c’mon - who are you to judge him and his past relationships? Not everyone can deal with tears and crying. But IMO – Charlie shouldn’t have to! He shouldn’t be made to feel responsible, or feel like he HAS to stay on the phone just because you’re crying. He is not responsible for your unhappiness or feelings of neglect – YOU are. These are your feelings, which you have communicated to him ad nauseum. What more do you want him to do or say? I don’t think there is anything he CAN say or do that will leave you satisfied, now. You said that he shuts down when confronted with your feelings.. I think he shuts down because of HOW you confront him… with the tears, the crying, the neediness, the negativity. That is very unattractive. That is why he avoids the talks, and doesn't call you back because 'you need to talk'. The man is tired of talking. How much longer are you going to talk? Because let's be real Pada... you don’t really want him to 'communicate'… I mean after all, you HAVE communicated about this issue of yours before, no? And he's said clearly - that he doesn't see a problem and that he thinks you're being overanalytical and causing drama. You two do not see eye-to-eye on this issue of yours. And that's why I feel that what you REALLY mean when you said you want him to communicate... is that you want him to SEE and AGREE with your side of things and make the necessary CHANGEs! But that’s not real. He’s heard and listened how you feel – many times now – and what has that done? Absolutely nothing. This is not a matter of "Charlie being emotionally unavailable". I think it's a matter of Charlie not being the type of person YOU want him to be. And if that is not who he is - you either accept him as is, or you don't! But trying to force these heavy, burdensome 'relationship talks' will not get you to the finish line. Truth is... most men shy away from those heavy talks. It doesn't make them a bad person - they're just wired differently from us women. And all the tears in the world... will not get him to 'see' your point of view... nor will it change him into the affectionate, emotionally & vocally expressive person you want him to be. Learn to appreciate the way he shows you how he feels... by providing for you etc... learn to value his currency of him showing you how feels... verbal or non-verbal... as opposed to expecting him to demonstrate it the way YOU want him to. Because the more you push and push for him to do X... the more he pulls away... and the more and more you push... etc... Like someone said earlier it IS a vicious cycle. So what are YOU - not Charlie - going to do about it? You are responsible for your emotions, and your happiness. Not him. DO YOU. ((( HUGGZZ ))) I wish you the best of luck Pada. K.
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 Hi Pada, I'm only on page 5 of your very long thread ... but I've skimmed most of the end pages so I just had to post my 2 cents now anyways. If you would have endured and read through the posts (I know is long and drawn out) you would see that I was expressing myself HERE not at him. I have been on a rollercoaster and needed contact with people on it to help me stay focused. What – after a mere 5 ½ mths – do you want from him? What do you EXPECT him to feel? And if he isn’t feeling what YOU feel – what are YOU prepared to do about it? Go or stay, the choice is yours. I believe at 5 1/2 months of seeing someone 3-6 days a week, talking on the phone everyday and being together every other weekend almost solid you would get to know someone and if you find that person of any quality in your life. We ARE NOT 20 somethng year olds.. We ARE older and WE have had out share of lifes shyt-- Reality is we know if we care about someone, if we desire more with that person or if we have feelings of love developing... You can feel if you are in touch with yourself. At 5 3/4 months I would expect him to feel something possitive for me... Otherwise why is he with me.. I was asking for confirmation. Something small not big.. If he isn't feeling what I feel that is fine with me.. I understand not every feels for each other at the same speed. I know my feelings for him are stronger then his for me.. If he cares about me and wants to continue building then I am game if he tells me he can't grow right now with me (even behind me) then I will have to end it. I cannot be in a realationship and continue to fall in love with him while he views me as a dating friendship with benefits.. I won't waste my years waiting for him to love me back... I can't I wont.. Selfish maybe but I want love and I want commitment someday.. Not everyone is affectionate, or a touchy-feely person. So I feel that the comments you made to him about his ex-wife and ex-gf were pretty low & hurtful. If I were him – and you made those comments to me – I’d really be turned off. It would not inspire me to change, nor would it inspire in me deep feelings for you. I mean c’mon - who are you to judge him and his past relationships? I say what has been told to me. He has spoken those words to me himself. I apoligized to him and humbled myself for my words.. I have never said anything mean like that before to him and I hit a low. Now if I had a habit of being rude then I can see him being totally turned off. I am not like that. I made one bad move and that was what I said. I had NOT done that before.. ARE you always perfect. Do you ALWAYS say and do everything perfectly with no faults.. I don't think so.. WE are human and we make mistakes when in the heat of a moment especially when feelings are running very very high.. Not everyone can deal with tears and crying. But IMO – Charlie shouldn’t have to! He shouldn’t be made to feel responsible, or feel like he HAS to stay on the phone just because you’re crying. He is not responsible for your unhappiness or feelings of neglect – YOU are. There are your feelings, which you have communicated to him ad nauseum. I have NEVER cried in front of him. I have NEVER pushed and pushed and pushed on him hard to talk to me.. I have NEVER cried over the phone while talking to him.. Choke up YES, come close YES.. I utilize LS and my friends to express my feelings and thoughts so as to NOT overwhelm him.. If I went to him with everything I would have lost him in the second month... I am a intense and deep feeler and thinker.. I know not everyone is like me and not everyone understands this.. You Prove it here yourself with your a$$-chewing. What more do you want him to do or say? I don’t think there is anything he CAN say or do that will leave you satisfied, now. I am more content now then I was yesterday morning because he and I did talk very briefly..I am in better understanding of him and I heard his tone of voice and choice of words.. Once again I did NOT push on him or blast him with my overwhelming feelings.. You said that he shuts down when confronted with your feelings.. I think he shuts down because of HOW you confront him… with the tears, the crying, the neediness, the negativity. That is very unattractive. That is why he avoids the talks, and doesn't call you back because 'you need to talk'. The man is tired of talking. How much longer are you going to talk? The man has never talked. We rarely talk about this stuff. I do with everyone else. I have periodically asked him what he feels for me and he has teasingly said "you never can tell' with a smile on his face and then give me a slap on the butt. Because let's be real Pada... you don’t really want him to 'communicate'… I mean after all, you HAVE communicated about this issue of yours before, no? Very little. I have brought it up. He choses not to answer so I leave it alone for awhile meaning a week or two. And he's said clearly - that he doesn't see a problem and that he thinks you're being overanalytical and causing drama. He is understanding it now. He said he needs to look into himself and he said it is HIS ISSUE not mine. It's not me.. He admitted fault. He knows it.. You two do not see eye-to-eye on this issue of your. I believe he understands me now. He and I had a talk about it yesterday briefly.. And that's why I feel that what you REALLY mean when you said you want him to communicate... is that you want him to SEE and AGREE with your side of things and make the necessary CHANGEs! But that’s not real. He’s heard and listened how you feel – many times now – and what has that done? Absolutely nothing. This is not a matter of "Charlie being emotionally unavailable". Charlie is closed off. Due to his past.. He admits it. I think it's a matter of Charlie not being the type of person YOU want him to be. And if that is not who he is - you either accept him as is, or you don't! Charlie was open in the beginning and then he shut himself off. Why be open to start with then close yourself off.--I believe that it is fear of vulnerablity. Fear of being hurt again. He started good. But trying to force these heavy, burdensome 'relationship talks' will not get you to the finish line. Truth is... most men shy away from those heavy talks. It doesn't make them a bad person - they're just wired differently from us women. I don't see anything unusual in what Charlie is doing now and what you are doing. The more you push and push... the more he pulls away... and the more you push... etc... I am not pushing, I have used caution. My distress was because of his just did a 180 without warning. He didn't say I need space. I asked him if he needed it and he said no. Then he took space without telling me he needed it. When somene calls you everyday for 5 1/2 months then bamm you dont hear from that person your radar will go off and say something is wrong! Is he ok? Did he get hurt in a accident? Panic sets in. That is what happened to begin with. Yes, we had a little dispute and it twisted into more and then he backed off. It truly was our FIRST REAL arguement... I think that is good at 5 1/2 months.. Now how it is handled and interpreted is to be seen and so far so good. I am uncomfortable because I HAVE had men who communicate.. I have a history of them in my life who communicate .. This is my first that hasn't.. Like someone said earlier it IS a vicious cycle. So what are YOU - not Charlie - going to do about it? You are responsible for your emotions, and your happiness. Not him K. I am searching for support, I am doing what I can to help myself. I am working at understanding. I am evaluating my own needs and wants. I am deciding what I will accept and what I wont..
Kengne Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 If you would have endured and read through the posts (I know is long and drawn out) you would see that I was expressing myself HERE not at him. I have been on a rollercoaster and needed contact with people on it to help me stay focused. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. That's why I love this forum - where people can exchange opinions freely - even if we disagree or buck heads from time to time like now. If I misread or misunderstood the facts of your situation... again, I did not have the time to go through the entire 20+ pages... then for that I apologize. I remember when you first started dating Charlie and how happy you were then... and that's what drove me to respond. Out of the 10001 posters on here, I actually remembered your story! I was def not 'out to get you' or draw blood, and I do not feel my post was meant as an a$$-chewing. I was sharing my PoV, as I saw the situation from what I read and understood. If you were offended - I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for posting my opinion. Anywho... you best know your relationship, and I'm sure you're doing the best you can. But more importantly, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. So like I said earlier, all the best and take care. K.
Author basscatcher Posted March 25, 2006 Author Posted March 25, 2006 Thank you for taking the time to read my post. That's why I love this forum - where people can exchange opinions freely - even if we disagree or buck heads from time to time like now. If I misread or misunderstood the facts of your situation... again, I did not have the time to go through the entire 20+ pages... then for that I apologize. I remember when you first started dating Charlie and how happy you were then... and that's what drove me to respond. Out of the 10001 posters on here, I actually remembered your story! I was def not 'out to get you' or draw blood, and I do not feel my post was meant as an a$$-chewing. I was sharing my PoV, as I saw the situation from what I read and understood. If you were offended - I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for posting my opinion. Anywho... you best know your relationship, and I'm sure you're doing the best you can. But more importantly, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. So like I said earlier, all the best and take care. K. I did take some offense but I also realized you didn't read through all the posts and comments to fully understand the situation. I have been on a huge rollercoaster that is finally slowing down and allowing me to calm down. I panic'd at first and that was the first pages. Then I got very confused trying to understand things, I think I'm plataeuing now and the initial shock has lesson greatly. Charlie is still a wonderful man and I am happy being involved with him. But we have hit a bump in our relationship... This is a crossroad could be a final one could be one of many to come. Either he has feelings for me and realizes it and doesn't want to let go or I will be gone if he can't move past his hang-ups (at least try). He can then go about his own life in and out of relationships until (hopefully) he wakes up and realizes he let love and good women slip through his hands... There are so many fools out there who shut their hearts up because they got hurt and are afraid to try again. Many people move about numb from the pain of the past and don't realize what they have.(They don't allow themselves to feel.) Many people let fear of another failed relationship stop them from loving again. Many people have set their bars so high that they will never find someone 'good-enough' for their standards. For whatever reason people hold themselves back; from feeling and facing what they feel for someone, other people lose and get very hurt and still move forward instead of staying in their rutts spinning their wheels. I've been very very hurt so many times in my life and I still move forward accepting the chances that may happen. I have been treated very badly in my past. I have lots of failed relationships and I've been rejected very harshly by men. VERY HARSHLY... As well as used and dumped and literally told' thank you for the f*** now go lay down by your dish.' I was date raped at 15 yrs old. I have been through hell. I should have closed myself off to love. I should be hiding from men and became a lesbian. I should be a man hater.. BUT I AM NOT.. I can't understand how people can close themselves off. I can't imagin it. I think this is what Charlie has done. He goes through the motions but doesn't think about or feel his feelings when involved with someone because he took a very very hard hit from his XW very hard then he got involved when he was very vulnerable by a CP woman who has Psychological issues.. He basically has been smashed against a wall and became numb just going through life day by day breathing and surviving but not enjoying. Not allowing himself to feel, see and trust.
Author basscatcher Posted March 25, 2006 Author Posted March 25, 2006 I tried to have fun last night... It lasted all about one hour maybe 1 1/2. As I danced, drank my two drinks, the music and lights did their thing around me I felt myself falling into a state of bordem, loneliness and heartache. Songs played that reminded me of Charlies playfulness. Then two songs came on that flashed me back to nights when he was (drunk-buzzing good) and he gazed into my eyes, held me close and kissed me so sweetly over and over again. (We were in our own world and didn't notice anyone else in the bar.) I had to choke back tears of pain and heartache for him. I wondered if he was thinking about me. Wondering if I was having any fun without him while he sat around the campfire in the snow with his children getting ready to crawl in the camper for the night. I seriously tried to enjoy the night and I put my best foot forward but I was in the lions den. (The bar we usually spend our Friday nights together in.) It was haunted with memories. I was standing at the mouth of what could be the beginning of my Friday nights, alone, at The Rush... I cried myself to sleep last night.. Hard sobs till my face was numb. My son stayed at my gfs place last night so I was able to break down like I needed without him hearing my sobs and worrying him.. It felt really good. I think I need to do it again, soon. Tonight we are going to a club I have never brought Charlie too So I am hoping to have fun tonight.. No memories in this place of him. A different crowd and I'm not DD tonight...
riobikini Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 RE: Pada: " I wondered if he was thinking about me. Wondering if I was having any fun without him while he sat around the campfire in the snow with his children getting ready to crawl in the camper for the night. " You know he was, (-even with his children there). Pada: " I seriously tried to enjoy the night .." At least, you tried. Pada: " I cried myself to sleep last night.. Hard sobs till my face was numb. My son stayed at my gfs place last night so I was able to break down like I needed without him hearing my sobs and worrying him.. It felt really good. I think I need to do it again, soon." Those kinds of cires are good for the soul...they cleanse you. Pada: " Tonight we are going to a club I have never brought Charlie too So I am hoping to have fun tonight.. No memories in this place of him. A different crowd and I'm not DD tonight..." You try to smile, some, tonight...after the cry, -you just might be able to. Pada, take care...I will be checking back on you. (Smile) -Rio
Author basscatcher Posted March 25, 2006 Author Posted March 25, 2006 I was talked into going shopping with my gf today. We went for a few hours. I seen lots of cute clothes but didn't have that charged impusle to buy anything. I just got home its 5pm. I'm going to take a nap and get up around 7ish and hopefully have energy and my mood will improve. So I'm off to nap. Thanks Rio for your possitve words of support.
Author basscatcher Posted March 26, 2006 Author Posted March 26, 2006 Life just takes it twists and turns in directions we never dream of. All my questions to ponder have brought me to a conclusion. Last night I had a reality check. I was put in my place and I feel very at ease and content with what I am about to do. Here are my answers to my own questions: How would you feel if you reached our for someone's hand and they didn't hold yours back? Rejected How would you feel if you kiss someone and they didn't kiss you back? Rejected How would you feel if you loved someone and you didn't know if they loved you back? Confused How would you feel if you told someone you loved them and they laughed? Insulted, humiliated, rejected, hurt, and stupid How would you feel if you hugged someone and they didn't hug you back? Rejected How would you feel if you wanted to embrace someone and they didn't embrace you back? Rejected How would you feel if you gazed at someone with love in your eyes and they never gazed back at you? Used, unwanted, unattractive, hurt, rejected, ignored How would you feel if you never recieved reassuring touches from someone you loved? Unloved, unattractive, used, unlovable, hurt and unsupported How would you feel if you loved someone and they tell you they don't know what they feel for you (1/2 yr later)? He doesn't love me, he is using me for companionship, he isn't able to invest himself into me for whatever reason *Would you wait to see if they could return your feelings? Depends on how the rest of the relationship is. Is he affectionate and does he give me intimate eye contact and intimate conversation. In my case NO *What if that person only shows his/her feelings when under the influence of alcohol? Have you heard of 'Beer Goggles"? How would you feel if you shared your life with someone and they didn't share theirs with you? (communication) I would/do feel like his life is private to me and he doesn't want to let me in it. He has secrets that he doesn't want me to know or he will lose his companionship. *How long do you think you should wait before moving on? When your heart and mind catch up to each other and you realize that what you thought you had isn't what it is. Then its time to move on. *How do you let go when they are there for you, spend lots of time with you, call you everyday, has given you gifts, you are in love with them, and they don't know how they feel about you? Why are they there for you? Mine I believe is because he doesn't like to be alone. Spends lots of time with you? Mine I believe is because he doesn't like to be alone. Gives you gifts? Mine because it is the one way to make the woman stick around so he can have his loneliness temporarily filled and he knows women are sentimental. I love him but he didn't allow me to fall IN_LOVE with him. He didn't feed the love I have for him so it can't grow to what will last a life time. When love is not returned it is hard for the love you feel to grow and mature therefore, it is bruised and will wither and die mine is starting. *Would you want to be with that person? NO-That is constant heartache and misery. So I plan to have that 'talk' with him soon. I have made up my mind he and I are over. I have been so emotionally messed up because of his inability to return his feelings to me. He is emotionally distant and unaffectionate. I will not wait around for him to get drunk and only see what is in his face. If it wasn't me in front of him when he is drunk and another woman was there I would bet he would be just as attentive to her as me. He is a lonely man and not happy with himself. I beleive he used me to fill the empty void that his XW and XGF left. He is NOT in love with me. I believe he cares about me but not the way it should be when you are in a dating relationship. Charlie is selfish; he wants to be wanted and to feel loved but he can't return it until he fixes himself and it won't be me there when he realizes this. Many of you will be saying "This is what we've been trying to tell her." "She finally woke up." "It's about time." Yes, it is about time.. We all know that when we are intimately involved with someone we are blinded. I had 4 dreams this week I broke it off with him. I believe I was trying to tell myself what I needed to do. I have shed many tears and felt so lost for long enough. My head and my heart are bruised but not broken. Last night I went out and had so much damn fun. It was the best time I have had in months and months (way before Charlie).. I met a guy who was straight up sober.(Doesn't drink. Got 3 DUI's and decieded to not drink cause it gets him into trouble and he doesn't need it) He was a gentleman and he was handsome.. He danced with me. He didn't grope me (like Charlie does when drunk and dancing) He looked me in the eyes and smiled when we talked. (Charlie never does this) He listened to me when I talked and he replied generously. (Charlie is always busy watching everything else and can't carry a conversation with me) He hugged me with a gentle affectionate hug many times. (Charlie never does this.) He offered me his phone number if I wanted it. I told him I have things to take care of and it might be 1-3 months before I call him. He said he understood and touched my knee and said "Ok, you can call me when your ready." I asked him what he values the most in life and he said his parents. I asked him what faith he is and he said Catholic. He asked what I was and I told him Catholic and he smiled big and said-It is so hard to meet other Catholics. We talked about it a bit and he is interested in the faith. (Charlie is distant to it.) My gf was watching him and I like a hawk and she was very impressed with him. She said noticed he was really, really into me, she said he was mezmerized by me and didn't notice anyone else once we began to dance. She said he was a complete gentleman and she said his body language and treatment of me was sincere. She has good feelings about this man and so did I. I wasn't drunk. I was going to but I didn't. His name is Kevin, never been married, no kids, is very close to his family, has a younger sister, is originally from Rochester, NY and his family moved here. He loves his job-he does Auto Body for a collision center. He doesn't live to far from me just across the river near Charlie but not as far. He has only been in a few long term committed relationships and the last one was 3 years and its been 1 1/2 yrs since that break up. My impression is he is a caring and affection man who is seems to be genuine. I have no intentions on starting up a whirlwind relationship with this man right now. I have his phone number and when I feel ready to date again I will call him. His number does work because I called it on my gf's phone.. He was real. Feeling his attention and focus on me, his warm, gentle embrace, his kiss on my cheek, the ease of our conversation and his undivided attention opened me up to see that Charlie and I will not work.. Holding onto Charlie with hopes is a slow agonizing and torturous death... Charlie is a good man but he has problems which are too deep for me and I don't have to deal with them.. So I will be having the talk with him soon. Charlie has his children all week due to spring break and I don't think its a good time to break it off. It is best to keep the space this week and not drop a bomb on his world. He has his children to deal with all week and he needs to be focused on them.. Charlie may have made me feel abandoned but I am not the kind of person to upset his zone while he has his kids around... Charlie might not like what I am about to do but he might feel relieved. I just need to wait until he is alone.
riobikini Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 RE: Pada: " Holding onto Charlie with hopes is a slow agonizing and torturous death... Charlie is a good man but he has problems which are too deep for me and I don't have to deal with them.. So I will be having the talk with him soon." Pada, you are walking the exact same emotional path that I did, -and you are making the exact same difficult decision that I did. It won't be easy, -you already know that. Sometimes, no matter how painful the truth is, we do have to face it, -not run from it. In time, it does set you free. Hugs & prayers. -Rio
Lishy Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I am both sad and relieved for you Pada! There is a guy out there waiting for you who will return all of that love you give so wholeheartedly! You rock! Good luck! x
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 I met a guy who was straight up sober.(Doesn't drink. Got 3 DUI's and decieded to not drink cause it gets him into trouble and he doesn't need it) I see a pattern.. this guy that you are attracted to is an Alcoholic.. I would not start anything up with him.. Besides you being off balance right now.. he is an Alcoholic and you need to learn to break that chain.
Touche Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 But Art, he doesn't drink anymore. Should women stay away from YOU?
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 But Art' date=' he doesn't drink anymore. Should women stay away from YOU?[/quote'] GEtting sober isn't about just not drinking. Alcoholics are addicts in every way, even in love relationships, and dry alcoholics (those who don't drink alcohol but attempt to cope with reality using similar tactics and compulsive behavior) can behave in a way that is strikingly similar to an alcoholic. In order to be sober you have to re-learn how to deal with life, not just stop drinking.
Author basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Author Posted March 27, 2006 Yes, I know it will be hard. He called me last night and we talked for an our. I told him that he and I needed to talk and I told him that I had a very vey hard week. I tod him that I broke down Friday night and cried so hard that my face went numb. I told him that I have been so invested into him that I couldn't see what was happening. I told him that I went out Friday night and I was miserable and I went out Satuday and I had so damn much fun and I told him that I was hit on. I informed him that I met a guy who wanted to give me his number and he told me to call him when I was ready cause I told him that I have stuff going on in my life. Charlie went silent.. I told him its not hard for me to pick up a man if I wanted. Charlie was quiet.. He was so monotone, quiet and almost sounded depressed. I really think he is realizing things but I don't trust that he will change.. I told him he needs to be single and get his life figured out. I told him he needs to be alone and deal with the things in his life that he hasn't like his divorce and the roller coaster his xgf put him on. He hasn't given himself any time to deal with anything. He tried to refute my opinion but I stopped him and told him that whenever he talks about his XW he is very angry and bitter which shows me he hasn't dealt with and accepted what has happened. Also when he talks about he XGF he becomes sad and distant in his thoughts. I told him he isn't ready for me or any woman in his life. He needs to heal his past. We will talk when his kids go back home to their moms. He has them all week and he also has to get his tax's done. We might get to have that talk in about 2 weeks by the looks of his schedule. That is fine by me because that gives me more time to sort out these lingering feelings and the confusion that remains.
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