riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 It is painfully obvious that Charlie is not present to speak for himself. Pada will likely be 'consumed' under all circumstances. Having those who are sincerely concerned, and armed with different perspectives, will give her -not only comfort in knowing people care- but, hopefully enough information from the past experiences of others to know how to guide her own shiip, so to speak. An outlet, a sounding board, and an almighty supoort group. -Rio
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Actually Alpha it is my opinion that Charlie does know.. he just hasn't figured out how to tell her yet without hurting her more. I know where you're going with this, but probably not a good idea to open that door quite yet...
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 actually the reasons for his behaviour could be any of a multitude of things. there is really no sense in trying to analyze it. who knows what motivates people to act in certain ways or to do certain things. I thought this question was about her feelings, reflecting on herself and what she wants -- nothing to do with discerning things out of her control (his emotions).
a4a Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Actually Alpha it is my opinion that Charlie does know.. he just hasn't figured out how to tell her yet without hurting her more. I agree with you AC.... again. I have been in the shoes of the one who tries to gently break it off. Not out of dislike or wrongs of the other person. Simply it just was not it.
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I agree with you AC.... again. I have been in the shoes of the one who tries to gently break it off. Not out of dislike or wrongs of the other person. Simply it just was not it. Yeah. I find it hard to believe that he doesn't know his own feelings. If a person doesn't know how they feel about someone after 6 months, they are either lying or they have a serious issue with emotions.
riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 RE: Originally Posted by alphamale actually the reasons for his behaviour could be any of a multitude of things. there is really no sense in trying to analyze it. who knows what motivates people to act in certain ways or to do certain things. There will come a time when she will sit down and dissect this whole thing to bits in a determined search to want to know why he is the way he is. I'm doing it with my own situation right now, and I can look over this site, through the thousands of posts of all these heartbroken people and recognize the very same thing going on. It's just human nature, -and for some of us (me, for instance), -if there's an answer possible out there somewhere, I'm going after it! It might be a goose-chase, -and if I wind up empty handed and without a real answer, I'll still work to resolve it some way, because I don't leave 'undone' issues lying around to make me stumble. -Rio
riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 B_O: " If a person doesn't know how they feel about someone after 6 months, they are either lying or they have a serious issue with emotions." 'Ping!' Talk about hitting the nail right on the head! You said it! (Both?) -Rio
Art_Critic Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 By the way after re-reading my last post I wanted Pada to know that I didn't mean the post to be mean.. But I felt that Pada might need to hear the words to help her cope.
riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 A_C, I've never known you to be mean. And Pada's a smart cookie, she knows it, too, I'll bet. (Smile) -Rio
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 'Ping!' Talk about hitting the nail right on the head! You said it! (Both?) -Rio Can I get a witness??!!
riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 B_O: (Laughing) Amen, Sista!!! Good Gawd Almighty!, -woman speaks da truth! -Rio
riobikini Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Felt like I needed to clear up something I wrote...clarify it more. It has to do with the following earlier post. RE: Quote: Walk: " I'm wondering if part of the reason he was so happy in a relationship with you is because he didn't feel threatened." I think you have a point with this. Again, though, speaking from my experience, it appears to me, that people who are stuck in a pattern of holding back emotionally in a romatic relationship, seem to only be able to operate within the 'non-threatening', more 'superficial' mode that defines the distinctive beginnings of a relationship, -but never the deepening mode. When the 'deepening' part is expected, they withdraw, automatically. Now whether their fear of the expected 'deepening' is coming directly from their partner, or whether it is coming from the knowledge of their past experiences, is a question I have asked myself. Could very well be both. They seem to only be able to be happy with the beginning phase, where nothing -yet- is expected. This is, I believe, where the 'eye' or nucleus of the cycle is: we all know that certain hormones creating a kind of 'high' is mass-produced during the intitial phase of a relationship (the attraction or 'lust' stage). It is based on how attracted you are -mostly in a physical sense- to your partner. But during this 'lust' stage, is it not possible that these who are having problems with allowing or accepting deeepening feelings, may just be using the euphoric 'high' produced in this stage of the relationship to soothe and mask the pain and fear of 'letting go' of their feelings and being in a committed relationship, due to negative past experiences with it? Just my theory. -Rio The part I need to clarify is with the last part. The part that says:" But during this 'lust' stage, is it not possible that these who are having problems with allowing or accepting deeepening feelings, may just be using the euphoric 'high' produced in this stage of the relationship to soothe and mask the pain and fear of 'letting go' of their feelings and being in a committed relationship, due to negative past experiences with it?" In other words, isn't it more like they become 'addicted' to only the first phase of a relationship where the euphoric 'high' feeds their ego and boosts it with this feeling of strength, being in control, and a certain amount of 'feel good' emotions that make the forward-moving deepening of a relationship seem kind of boring? And doesn't that threaten the smooth-flowing, problem-absent kind of relationship they desire? You see, the deepening part of any relationship presents with problems and requests, demands, expectations....commitment........which they have had negative experiences with in the past. This also, I believe, accounts for the reason they may have a past history of 'mini-relationships', i.e. those which did not last past the beginning phase, perhaps only for a few months or so. It also may account for why they utilize online dating services, and cannot seem to live without them. My B** was from such a dating service. -Rio
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 I'm finally here... I've been chewing an xbf butt on msgr for being a fool. Dysfunctional man. ughhhh Anyway, I read through what everyone said. Thank you for your input and philosphy.. I had the fortunate blessing to be able to chat with Rio last night on msgr and she put some great insight into things. She does know what she is talking about and she has great insight. Alpha I am impressed that you are showing a sensitive side to my issue. It means alot.. A_C, B_O, a4a your words have crossed my own mind. I am on a rollercoaster. One moment I am preparing for the end and then the next I am holding tight to see what he has to say when he comes back.. I do not know what he is doing in hs own head.. Only he does. I do believe he doesn't know himself.. I truly believe that he has an emotional issue and it has been the roadblock in his relationships. He called me yesterday and last night. Last night he called me to JUST say goodnight. That is all. He reached out to say goodnight and then we hung up and he said he was going to bed. That is possitive but doesn't mean he still wont end it.. It did settle my nerves and put a smile on my face because if he didn't care and he was running and not thinking about me he would not have cared enough to call to say good night. I don't expect to hear from him now for about a week at least. He is leaving town today with his childlren to go to the cabin and then he kids are off for spring break all next week and he plans to go back up to the cabin with them and his brothers. So he will be busy with family.. I plan to go out tonight with my gfs and dance and have a few.. Then tomorrow night my gf and I are still planning to hit a heavy metal and hip-hop club sat night. It is for us saturday night I plan to flirt... but I wont act out anything because i do have loyalty to Charlie.. I just need to be out and feel like someone is attracted to me. Its a lonely feeling to be in my shoes.
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Yup, go out and have a great time! Laugh and be silly! - A good distraction as you need it now!
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 Yup, go out and have a great time! Laugh and be silly! - A good distraction as you need it now! I need the distraction. I also need to be out. Sitting at home this weekend will drive me lower in the dumps. Anyone wanna come dance with me.. ahahah I'll buy ya a drink..
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I need the distraction. I also need to be out. Sitting at home this weekend will drive me lower in the dumps. Anyone wanna come dance with me.. ahahah I'll buy ya a drink.. Well, alpha is on the way now!
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 Well, alpha is on the way now! That would be intersting to say the least... :lmao: Hes not that far away. Minneapolis area from Detroit area.. hmm DANGEROUS ...
Mz. Pixie Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Yeah, he's cute too- looks like Erik Estrada! Seriously it's a good sign he called you to say goodnight though.
Author basscatcher Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 Yeah, he's cute too- looks like Erik Estrada! Seriously it's a good sign he called you to say goodnight though. I've seen Alphas Pic he does look like Eric Estrada and I had a HUGE crush on E.E when I was little.. I use to watch Chips just to see him... I dated a hispanic that resembled him also. Its that flashy smile, tanned skin and dark hair... -----------a more serious subject. yes it was great he called me just to say g-nite. It was possitive and our chat earlier in the afternoon felt good too. He is dealing with himself. I can hear it in his voice. I can hear he does care about me also. I am settling a bit and not so high strung. I still hurt and my feelings are still haunting me but I am ok.. I will be ok.. I have been through worse...
alphamale Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Alpha I am impressed that you are showing a sensitive side to my issue. It means alot... I can show my sensitive and caring side when I'm in the mood Hes not that far away. Minneapolis area from Detroit area.. well both Detroit and Minneapolis are NorthWest hubs so there are like 20 flights per day.... I've seen Alphas Pic he does look like Eric Estrada ...man, if I had a nickel for every thime i've heard that!
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Post your pic alpha so I can see the resemblence?? Yeah, Erik Estrada is a hottie! I think everybody had a crush on him! I like watchin' the re-runs of CHIPS. And also Emergency! I had a huge crush-a-roo on Randolf Mantooth! (Johnny on the show.)
alphamale Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Post your pic alpha so I can see the resemblence?? Yeah, Erik Estrada is a hottie! I think everybody had a crush on him! ok, but only for an hour or so...you know my policy.
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 ok, but only for an hour or so...you know my policy. :lmao: Yeah, you look like him. Though, I'd love to see how you look in that "cop" uniform! hehe..
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