shamelesswendy Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 How many OW's are here who just had an overwhelming physical attraction and pursued it regardless of his being married? I had virtually no emotional way of connecting to my MM. We had an understanding of no conversation re: wife, I don't even know when his b-day is, how many children he has etc.. We met when we could- at my apt. or if he went on a trip without wife, alot at first but less and less over a 6 month period. It was hot but not going anywhere. His w got an anonymous letter telling her about the A and he dropped me cold. I'm just curious because I want someone to relate to other than you folks who had emotional/romantic feelings and connection.
No Stress Lady Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 How many OW's are here who just had an overwhelming physical attraction and pursued it regardless of his being married? I had virtually no emotional way of connecting to my MM. We had an understanding of no conversation re: wife, I don't even know when his b-day is, how many children he has etc.. We met when we could- at my apt. or if he went on a trip without wife, alot at first but less and less over a 6 month period. It was hot but not going anywhere. His w got an anonymous letter telling her about the A and he dropped me cold. I'm just curious because I want someone to relate to other than you folks who had emotional/romantic feelings and connection. Your thread reminded me in some ways of this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84266/ which I guess you've already looked at. I think it's virtually impossible (unless maybe you're a hooker) to remove emotion from sex. Obviously your MM could. It seems that he saw you purely for sex - were you content with that or did you anticipate his situation changing in the future? My affairs were very much no strings attached but I was happy with that - I never had emotional dependence on my MM. It sounds like maybe you did - there's not a lot I can say really if you're seeking support, one just has to be realistic and see affairs for what they are - usually trouble - especially if you become dependant on a MM for emotional reasons or physical ones or if the OW expects that the MM's marital status will change. If you knew he was married from outset then you just have to accept that it was never going to be a relationship that wouldl progress long term - even if his wife hadn't found out. Who do you think sent her the letter? Maybe he thought it was you?!!!!!
No Stress Lady Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Just looked at your profile: "I love to pursue married men. I butter them up shamelessly until they feel so flattered they have sex with me. But I can't keep a guy for long." Eeeeuwwwww - no wonder you're having problems.........why don't you just try to meet a single guy - do you really see yourself chasing MM into your thirties/forties/fifties - yuk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like you have self-esteem issues
Seen_It_All Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 What's the point? No challenge THERE. The REAL challenge would be attracting a DECENT man with your personality, wit, charm and intelligence. Getting a MM to screw you is as easy as putting socks on. Jesus.
Touche Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 What's the point? No challenge THERE. The REAL challenge would be attracting a DECENT man with your personality, wit, charm and intelligence. Getting a MM to screw you is as easy as putting socks on. Jesus. Don't agree. Depends on WHO the married man is. I'd like to see the likes of someone like that try to get MY man! Wouldn't happen. My H doesn't cheat and hates sluts. She wouldn't stand a chance. And I'm not calling her a slut. I'm just saying how most MM with principles and values see those type of women.
Seen_It_All Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I agree with you, there ARE some decent MM. But alas, the majority of them are not. Not too long ago, I put up a fake profile on AdultFriendFinder to help my girlfriend catch her hubby, whom she suspected was running an ad on the site. I placed my ad, fudging my age and some details so he wouldn't suspect what we were up to, and waited for my 'prey' to take the bait. Do you know, in the course of maybe 2-3 months while I was waiting for him to 'bite,' I got NO LESS than almost 2000 messages - ALL FROM MARRIED MEN - looking for 'fun on the side?' They pretty much ALL said "I'm not looking to change my situation OR yours, just looking for some excitement on the side." 2,000 of them, within a 50 mile radius of me, all within a little over 2 months. After being a witness to that disgusting display, I stand by what I said. But perhaps I should have said, "getting MOST married men to screw you is as easy as putting socks on."
No Stress Lady Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I agree with you, there ARE some decent MM. But alas, the majority of them are not. Not too long ago, I put up a fake profile on AdultFriendFinder to help my girlfriend catch her hubby, whom she suspected was running an ad on the site. I placed my ad, fudging my age and some details so he wouldn't suspect what we were up to, and waited for my 'prey' to take the bait. Do you know, in the course of maybe 2-3 months while I was waiting for him to 'bite,' I got NO LESS than almost 2000 messages - ALL FROM MARRIED MEN - looking for 'fun on the side?' They pretty much ALL said "I'm not looking to change my situation OR yours, just looking for some excitement on the side." 2,000 of them, within a 50 mile radius of me, all within a little over 2 months. After being a witness to that disgusting display, I stand by what I said. But perhaps I should have said, "getting MOST married men to screw you is as easy as putting socks on." Whoooo - that's incredible. You know, I can see how a MM might end up having an affair with a close colleague or someone else that he meets in real life, where the affair may have developed over time - but it's pretty tragic to think of so many of them out there ACTIVELY LOOKING for an affair - scary................I bet there are million times more affairs happening over the last 10 years thanks to the internet.......
lindya Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I'm just curious because I want someone to relate to other than you folks who had emotional/romantic feelings and connection. What would you want to talk about? With regard to emotionless sex, is there really much to talk about other than the mechanics?
lovernotafighter Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 this has to be more emotional than you think or else you would care to talk about it really.
ihurt2 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 There is a site called ashleymadison.com - this is the one of the largest sites where married's go for hookups. I posted for curiosity and have had 300 replies in 5 days. I have since removed my profile - it is unbelievable and very scary - they have pictures and all sorts of things........and, a typical guy has to pay a LOT of money to use this site...and they do
ihurt2 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Men have been having sex with women to satisfy needs for eons. Why is so hard to believe that as women change and our roles change, we are the main breadwinners - running companies - taking over the world etc....- basically taking on a lot of the roles that men once took on - that we too cannot be just as jaded and as blase about sex. Why is it that we believe women always have emotions and men don't? And the mechanics of sex...can be very interesting as long as it's all kept in perspective...
lovernotafighter Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Men have been having sex with women to satisfy needs for eons. Why is so hard to believe that as women change and our roles change, we are the main breadwinners - running companies - taking over the world etc....- basically taking on a lot of the roles that men once took on - that we too cannot be just as jaded and as blase about sex. Why is it that we believe women always have emotions and men don't? And the mechanics of sex...can be very interesting as long as it's all kept in perspective...I agree thats it's true that women can do that..I just don't believe that this one fits the catagory. I have had relationships where I wasn't all wrapped in emotions and from that I wouldn't be bothered to talk about it much less post on a forum about it.
lindya Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Why is so hard to believe that as women change and our roles change, we are the main breadwinners - running companies - taking over the world etc....- basically taking on a lot of the roles that men once took on - that we too cannot be just as jaded and as blase about sex. I can't quite see how the ability to engage in emotionless, mechanical sex is an achievement that ranks up there with running companies and juggling different roles. Sounds like a brand of feminism that owes more to trashy books and soap operas than it does to women who have actually achieved something meaningful and made a positive contribution to the world.
ihurt2 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Valid point - but, from my reading of a lot of these posts, it seems like only the women are the ones getting caught up in all the emotion and the men are all the cold hearted cruel ones. I'm just saying that women are more than capable of being cold and calculating too. It takes two to tango and I just can't believe that all women are as insecure as some of these posts (and I'm not one to talk either - I can be the most insecure person going at times) seem to make it out. I think loverfighter makes a good point in that - the fact that we are discussing that means that some of these relationships are wrapped up in emotion and the ones that aren't....no need for discussion. Touche to you both!
lindya Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Valid point - but, from my reading of a lot of these posts, it seems like only the women are the ones getting caught up in all the emotion and the men are all the cold hearted cruel ones. I'm just saying that women are more than capable of being cold and calculating too. Yes - I've met one or two like that, and as you suggested they don't generally spend much time discussing the fact that they have a cold approach to their relationships. Generally, though, I've always found that people who feel the need to advertise their lack of emotions - male and female - go through these spells of turmoil and depression, which are perhaps a sign that rather than lacking emotions, they've just never learned to acknowledge and handle them effectively....so somehow they just focus on blocking them out. Then there are psychopaths and narcissists who genuinely do seem to be devoid of any real emotions. I'm not sure how mental health professionals sort the genuinely disordered individuals from the people who simply ape narcissistic/psychopathic symptoms (eg absence of any emotion) as means of protecting themselves against rejection. If a person pretends for long enough, will they eventually become the thing they're pretending to be?
scarletletter Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 There is a site called ashleymadison.com - this is the one of the largest sites where married's go for hookups. I posted for curiosity and have had 300 replies in 5 days. I have since removed my profile - it is unbelievable and very scary - they have pictures and all sorts of things........and, a typical guy has to pay a LOT of money to use this site...and they do That is so funny! I did the exact same thing trying to help out a friend of mine who didn't want the repsonses to come on her computer. I placed an add without a picture, put an area where I live and I got hundreds of responses...NO KIDDING. Most ALL of them were married looking for a discreet relationship to "fill the gap". It was an eye-opening experience to know how many men there are willing to travel hundreds of miles for sex with someone other than their wife. I cannot believe someone else did this. Very interesting.
Seen_It_All Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 It's the honest truth about getting almost 2,000 replies from various married men within the time span of maybe 2 1/2 months. A few were single, but not too many of them. Maybe 15 singles in the entire bunch. And yes, it's horrifically disheartening to see how many self-entitled men are out there in this world. ALOT of them told me, "I love my wife, I'm not looking to change my situation..just enhance it." So what they were really saying is that their marriages were fine - but they can't be happy with that. Nope. Gotta risk it all for the sake of Mr. Happy, don't they? Puke.
Brianschick Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Funny, I too put a post out there. It was on Craigslist ( I think it is Craigslist.org) they have one in every city. I said I was looking for a friends with benefits type of situation... I got 200 replies in one day and I kid you not ...at least half were from married men who SURPRISE, didn't want to leave their wives..they were happy. lol. I do love men but I really will NEVER understand them
RecordProducer Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I don't even know when his b-day is, how many children he has etc. Yeah, right! His w got an anonymous letter telling her about the A and he dropped me cold. A-ha...
mopar crazy Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Sometimes I wonder if my H's exOW didn't just have a relationship w/ him b/c of the sex. I know she was attracted to him for several years. But when he broke it off w/ her to work on our M she went straight to another guy about a week later. They dated for 2 years. If she really loved and cared for him how could she just go to some other guy so soon? Ya think if you were so emotionally involved w/ someone it would be hard to jump from one relationship to the next so fast.
Author shamelesswendy Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 I am Not a BS. I am a liberated woman who knows what she wants that's all. It's not that I didn't care for the guy, it's just that I knew he'd told me he had no intention of leaving his wife, never bitched about his marriage- it was as tho the W didn't exist. He wasn't even available every time I called. I'm just looking for OW's that have some of the same experiences to relate to.
erika2610 Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 I am Not a BS. I am a liberated woman who knows what she wants that's all. It's not that I didn't care for the guy, it's just that I knew he'd told me he had no intention of leaving his wife, never bitched about his marriage- it was as tho the W didn't exist. He wasn't even available every time I called. I'm just looking for OW's that have some of the same experiences to relate to. Why? So you can exchange stories bragging about how great the sex was? Why didn't you just go find a single guy if all you wanted was sex? I don't think you'll find alot of girls here who were just in it for the sex. From what I've seen, there were feelings involved in most of the relationships. Because like I said, if all you wanted was sex.. you should have gone and found a single man. At least you wouldn't be hurting other people in the process..
Author shamelesswendy Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 But I wanted him. Perhaps I did hope somewhere that it would work out between us- I don't really know. He was so damn sweet even if distant. Maybe distant felt safe? I have an acquaintance who kind of turned me on to the idea of doing it with MM's.
Guest Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 But I wanted him. Perhaps I did hope somewhere that it would work out between us- I don't really know. He was so damn sweet even if distant. Maybe distant felt safe? I have an acquaintance who kind of turned me on to the idea of doing it with MM's. I can see why you chose the name shamelesswendy, you have no shame. Do you not care what you are doing? Apparently not according to your profile. I didn't realize there was actually women that could be so cold as to have this kind of attitude. Do you make it a habit of picking up MM and just having sex with them for the fun of it? There are tons of sexy, good looking SG out there and you choose to pick a MM and risk hurting his W and/or children? Do you see it as a challenge to get a MM and have your fun with him? Is your self-esteem so low that you have to go after a MM just to prove you can get a man from another woman? Sorry but I just don't understand this. I'm a former OW to man in a CR but that was years ago, back when I was in my early 20's and 10 years later I feel awful for what I did. I was a selfish, immature person for doing that to another woman and I will carry the guilt of that A for the rest of my life. Think about what you are doing. Is good sex with a MM really worth the hurt you're gonna put his family through when they find out? And they will find out.
ihurt2 Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Well - sometimes the sex is good - what the hell is wrong with that? Life isn't perfect and one shouldn't be so judgemental! I haven't had an affair yet - thought about it - took the steps - but didn't - but I think a lot of people here have and there are people here who are obviously have been cheated on. The last time I checked - this was a support group for OW/MM - so being so judgemental and quite honestly, downright "forceful" about some comments is not conducive or helpful to people who are in these situations. Perhaps those who profess to speak for everyone should w0alk a mile in someone else's shoes before being so judgemental. My h- is cool - nice guy - no libido - so truthfully, if I want great sex - then I have to go elsewhere and after 17 years - I'm a little sick and tired of suppressing that part of me. So yeah, it can be about great sex - and you can be liberated and move on. Worked for me when I was younger and that was one of the best times of my life. No guilt no issues! W - I see no issue with this (and jump all over me - I have a very strong ego and sense of self....and the old adage words cannot hurt applies to me) - you did what you wanted. Half of the world does that - so don't beat yourself up about it - remember the good and move on. You cannot change the past - only your future behaviour.
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