Wing Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Dear all, I found my bf's profile on a dating site. He explains, he just a basic member, so he cant contact any girls, and no body can contact him, only can send "smiles" to each other. The reason he does that is, he wants to receive smiles from girls, because he claims his self-esteem is so low that makes him depressed. (note: his profile name looks 99% like a email adress without that @ and dot and com, in that way when he sent a smile to a girl, if that gilr interested and smart could just add him on her IM, well of course even that is a email adress, he would not let me know and wont add me to that particular email address. Plus, he has 3 email address all link to IM, he only told me one, at the begaining, and by accident I found him online with two other different email accounts-when I was at his place. then he explained they are for different purposes, and added me to all three accounts, so if he has a forth account, I am not surprised) I don't know what to think about this. Do you think that is reasonable? wanting smile from dating site just for self-esteem.? Or what you think about this? For the full story please refer to the Thread: dont want end up rash and burn type relationship:really taking it slow -wing
juliainoz Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 to put it midly if he is on a dating site - basic member or full member - he is out looking for another woman! dont waste time on him - if he wanted to be with u and only with u - he wouldnt need to use the net! trust me ive dealt with a few of these guys who think they can have me and use the net as well!
justagirliegirl Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 He is on the prowl for other women. Put your profile up and let him know about it and see what he has to say to that. Guys respond to action. He will explain and explain to you making all types of excuses trying to get you to believe this is Ok. Do the same thing and suddenly he will say it isn't ok cause he knows he was out hunting for other women.
No Stress Lady Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=716153#post716153 Between this and your other thread (above) I'd say all the signs are pointing to the fact that he's not interested but isn't man enough to end it. He's on a dating site for a reason - he wants to date other women. I'd dump him fast.
No Stress Lady Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Why were you browsing a dating website? Good point
tikigods Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I Agree with everyone above me, you don't go to dating sites unless you are looking for someone to date.
cjcurry Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 For a moment, let's assume this guy is being honest with you. Beware of any person that depends on others for validation or self esteem. The only place that those things can come from is inside ourselves. If he continues like this down the road, he will only become dependent, clingy, and more emotionally unstable. He needs to learn this lesson, and he will not as long as he is in a relationship with somebody. (I know, because I used to be someone that depended on others for my self esteem). That aside, getting "smilies" from people on dating sites seems like an odd way to get attention. I think he is not telling you something. At worst he may be trying to see other people, but at best he is emotionally unavailable and needs to develop some inner strength.
smile Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Ok so the dating website thing threw me. And I guess you two were in more of a defined relationship than I happened to be in. So therefore the internet neediness seems like the last straw. I know he is your first love/relationship and you don't want it to have been a waste.. but it wasn't. Truly. Move on.. but you are allowed to remember the good things. And you can use them to help figure out what you are looking for.. as well as using his bad points to know what to avoid. I was a girl who needed outside validation for a long time, and there is nothing you can do to help him. If your attention isn't enough for him it never will be. That's a sucky thing to realize but it's true. And yeh if you were browsing dating sites chances are you are looking for a way out as well. Maybe it's best if you part ways. I am sorry he turned out to be such a needy weenie of a guy. I was rooting for slightly neurotic but all around loyal. You seem sweet and so willing to try and help out the guy you love. Just remember that you deserve the same kind of attention. Find that guy, he is out there. Good luck !
Author Wing Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 Why I was browsing dating site.? Recent days my intuition tells me he is dating someone else or at least trying to. Then I remember he told me long time ago, he told me he never had a relationship, thought he dated few. I asked him were thoese few girls he dated before from the same university as we do. He said no, he met them from internet, and he also told me which website it was. and he said he no longer a memeber there. (he told me this when we first became bf and gf). so I went to that website he told me he was a memeber before. and ................ --wing
SuperMonk Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Wing, you're a Nice Girl. You deserve better. Ex-Nice "Pimpin" guys, hope you can read into that.
babbah Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 hmn...why go to dating sites if he already have a gf? i dont get it....does it mean he's not contented with you and wants another girl? that's unreasonable.....he needs to stick only with you.
Delectable Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 If it is passion.com or aff.com he can rec emails but not send them he is lying. Why not ask him to take it down since A.) it makes you very uncomfortable and B.) you two are together and there is no need to have it up right now...see his reaction...that should tell you everything you need to know. Or if you are committed to snooping: create a fake profile and contact him...and see his reaction.
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