bamaguy25 Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I'm a 25 year old male who feels like my life is crashing down on me. Its been over a month now since me and my ex broke up and it seems the pain gets alittle worse everyday. Neither of us has made contact with the other. Here is my story. Me and C has known each other since I was about 10 years old, I was best friends with her brother growing up so I'm real close to her family. Which is makeing things worse because they are all mad at her even though I've tried to stay away and not say anything about it. She is a 28 yr old single mother of 2 little girls so to be honest when we first got together that scared me to death because I had never dated anyone with kids. Me and C became good friends after high school and would always go and do things together just as friends. She would come over to my house and sit and we would talk about everything that was going on in our lives. She would always get into how she wished she could find someone who was nice and would just love her and the girls then she would say I wish I could find someone like you. I knew she had a thing for me but I was scared to death to try anything even though I had feelings for her inside. One night at her brothers house me and her got to talking and she started the someone like you conversation and before I even thought about it I leaned over and kissed her. This kiss was different, I could tell it meant alot to both of us. The next day I felt wierd but that went away when she called and asked if it was real, if I wanted to start a relationship with her and I said yes and she told me that she had waited along time for me to do that. Things was great, she would call me everyday and I would go to her house and hang with her and during all this time me and her girls became very close. About a month into the relationship while we was talking she said those three little words and it caught me by surprise and I felt the same way about her and the girls. I was no longer scared but extremely happy and I felt truely blessed by God. During this time my father became mentally ill so I had to take over the family bussiness and that was very stressfull on me but even though I was going through some tough times she stood right there with me and was very supportive. About 5 months into it she asked me if I thought we was going to get married and I told her yes because I truely felt like God had his hand in this and she agreed. While camping with her family and freinds one night she left to get some food and they told me that they have never seen her so happy before and I have to say that even I seen a glow in her I had never seen before. I felt like this was the greatest thing that ever had happen to me. She made me feel like I had never felt before. She would write me love letters all the time and leave them at my house and tell me "I love you so much" I hope you never get tired of hearing that". I never got tired of hearing it. She was everything I wanted and I made sure to thank the lord each night I came home. The trouble started when she became friends with a lady she worked with and one weekend when we didn't have the kids her friend and her friends husband invited us to go clubing with them and there friends and even though I wasn't thrilled at the idea we went. While leaveing the club C informs me that her buddy's brother in law hit on her while I was talking to some people I knew that was outside. Even though I'm not a jealous person that burnt me up so I asked her what she said and she told him that she was happy with me and that she wanted to spend her life with me. Guy must have felt bad about it and called me 2 days later and apologized. But it seemed everytime we didn't have the girls her buddy's would call wanting go clubing and if I told her that I really didn't want to go she would start a huge fight with me so I would finally give in and we would go. Then I started seeing a change in her. She started to become very hateful towards me and between that and the bussiness and having to deal with my fathers hospital I was about to break. The last month we was together it was getting worse so I set her down and told her how I was feeling and I told her she was fixing to lose me because I didn't like who she was becomming. Of course she went off me and told me that she was getting tired of me and she need space because i was being to clingy. I told her she was going to have her space and then some I'm gone and I went home. The next day she called and told me us breaking up was not what she was wanting and she couldn't imagine life without me. She asked me to come over but I said you need your space remember and she started crying so of course I came over. The last night I came over she had a card waiting on me explain how much she loved me and that she didn't want to lose me. But for some reason I knew something bad was fixing to happen so when the girls was going to bed they both gave me a hug and told me they loved me and I held them the longest I had ever held them and told them how much I loved them both because my heart felt like I was never going to see them again. Of course while me and C was doing are nightly good night thing she tells me her buddy's was going clubing that weekend and I told her that I was not going. On the way home I cried because I knew she would run off with them the next night. Sure enough I get a call from her telling me she was going so that night I went to her house and packed all my stuff and left her a goodbye letter. The next day she called but I didn't answer it, I wanted her to understand what she was loseing. 2 nights later I called her to see how she felt and pretty much was told how sorry I was and that I was just some guy that didn't really matter to her, that she loved me but not like before, and nothing I could say would get us back together and just to leave her alone. I love her with all my heart and even though she said she didn't feel the same way anymore its hard to me to beleive it because I can't understand how someones heart could change just like that. What makes it worse is not only do I have 1 person to miss but I have 3 and even though the girls wasn't mine it felt like they was. Since then I finally had to shut the bussiness down and my father is makeing life even harder on me. I'm a man of faith and I beleive God has a reason for everthing but for the life of me I can't understand the reason for this. I've tried to keep my mind off things like hanging out with my friends but I can't stand them seeing me this way, I try to get out and do things but when I get around people I start haveing anxiety attacks. I've never been like this before I was always a very strong person. I can't hardly drag myself to church because I start hurting when I sit down because they are not there with me. I was a singer songwriter and played at local bussiness around my city but now when I get on stage I shake like a leaf and even though I try not to play sad songs people tell me they can hear my pain in my voice so I haven't been playing for about 2 weeks now. Even though I try not to talk about it our friends have told me she is not getting out either and that she is not seeing anyone else. So I can't understand it. Sorry this is so long but I don't know what to do, nothing is helping and I don't want to set around feeling sorry for myself but I need some incouragement more than ever. If you could plz keep me in your prayers.
monkey00 Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 man...i dont know what to say. must be tough on you to let her go, but i will tell you, you definitely did the right thing. Any self respecting woman in a relationship would not go clubbing, because it's obvious what happens there. But hey look on the bright side, you're 25 still young. you got your whole life ahead of you to meet other people, particularly women. Although i dont agree with the fact that you're running/hiding from facing reality. Those people around you particularly your friends. When in trouble, the best people you can rely on are friends and family. Talk about it, it will relieve the stress and weight on you. Your social anxiety is discouraging you more from socialization and the activities you used to do. Thus it's further pushing you into hiding which is the worst way to treat a wound. the longer you stay this way, the more you will be conditioned to remain this way. Get out of this rut when you feel you're ready ot face the world.
In Sync Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I do believe that adversity in our relationships is God's message to us, to discover something about ourselves that will enable us to grow. We can never control the will power of another, that's one lesson in life. We can only look within our hearts to see how much we can bear. Be accountable for our own actions. Of course that doesn't give you the absolute answer as to why things went from bliss to unhapiness, at least not at this moment, but in time the message from this relationship will have meaning for you and you alone. Though it seems easier to blame your gf's buddies and clubbing, it'll be a no win blame game trap that breeds resentment. Underneathe, something may have motivated your gf's discontentment that might have been neglected. Something you may have been unaware of. Time alone will reveal this to you. The pain you feel now will subside in time...it can't be rushed. Your faith will keep you afloat. Rely on it.
Dinnj1 Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Any self respecting woman in a relationship would not go clubbing, because it's obvious what happens there. ugh!... watch it... dem's could be fightin' words around here.
Author bamaguy25 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 Thank you for the replies, today I ran into my ex with a new man, my heart sank even lower. So I guess it's going to go down as another sad love story.
CaliGuy Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Bamaguy, I'm really sorry to hear that. However, you're a good guy and you know that. Have faith in yourself and with God. There will be some good to come of this, you just have to give it time. Personally, I commend you on dating a single mom with two kids. That's a tough situation to walk into. Stay on your course. This probably needed to happen for the both of you. You, to see that you can do better. Her, to see that she probably won't.
Author bamaguy25 Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 Thank you for the reply CaliGuy, I hope one day someone will finnally see what they have and love me the way I deserve. She was my best friend so the pain is hard to swallow sometimes, like tonight I can't sleep at all not because she found someone new (cause dude is probally a rebound) but because I miss her and the kids. The bad thing is one day she will relize her mistake and decide to call me because I know her to well.
CaliGuy Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Thank you for the reply CaliGuy, I hope one day someone will finnally see what they have and love me the way I deserve. She was my best friend so the pain is hard to swallow sometimes, like tonight I can't sleep at all not because she found someone new (cause dude is probally a rebound) but because I miss her and the kids. The bad thing is one day she will relize her mistake and decide to call me because I know her to well. So now here is what you do. 1. Start calling all the friends you have been ignorning and GO HANG OUT. 2. Start going to the gym and working out. If you don't have a gym, start jogging at least 45 mins a day - every day. 3. Find some new hobbies. R/C Airplanes, bicycling, motorcycles, hiking, etc. Start investing time in hobbies you always wanted to do. 4. Work on making yourself happy. Fill yourself with so many fun things that you don't have time to think about her or the kids. Trust me, that's the best thing you can be doing for yourself right now.
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