ahogo Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Well, I did a dumb thing...broke NC after about 2 weeks. Ex went out of town for her b-day a few weeks ago and emailed me before doing so(previous post for background). The latest: I responded last week by answering her email sent before she left and wished her a happy belated b-day. I knew that was a stupid move on my part, but I did it anyway. This started a cascade of contact. The next day at work, I was outside talking to a female co-worker friend. Somehow we got on the topic of relationships, and we were comparing notes. Just at that moment, the EX pulls into the parking lot (she works for a vendor), and I was like: HOLY SHIAT!! Were her ears burning, or what? Man, I had to swallow my heart. Only a wave between us when she drove off. The next morning, I get a text from her: "Lunch?" I didn't replied a few hours later: "I don't think your bf would appreciate that". Her email response, playful as usual, was: "Dork!". This started the volley. Then, the next morning, I rang her cell at 6:30. I was weak and acting impulsively and couldn't stop myself. She's on her way to work and we chatted for a bit. She says "It's funny, I almost stopped by your house this morning, but decided not to". Oh really---WTF?? We talk a bit more and the convo turned kinda to some, er, "dirty talk" and how we miss that stuff between us. Anyway, I didn't have to work on Friday, and she had to go in for a bit, and said she could "stop by" when she was done. I told her I was seeing someone (only 1 date so far) and I couldn't go there. She said she knew I'd find someone and was surprised at how much it stung.There were quite a bit of phone calls/texts/emails between us that morning, and then she was back at my work. She stopped by and we ended up going to her car, talking. She misses me, I apparently have no idea how she feels, what she's going thru, she doesn't know how I feel, never knew that I loved her until she left. Hello, what about my fuggn' feelings?!?! It certainly wasn't the right time or place for talk--I was still at work, so it was brief. She was all teary-eyed and we hugged. She said it hurts to see me, so I said "So, don't". Then I told her "bye", got out of her car and went back to work. No clarity was gained from the brief conversation we had. I suppose her actions have spoken volumes and I don't need to receive any info from her. As to be expected since the exchange, my head is all screwed up again. She is at the forefront of my thoughts. This GD house reminds me of her, as does almost every area of town. Been listening to ryan adams "please do not let me go" over and over. Another moment of weakness-I emailed her that song yesterday. Thought it kind of summed up my situation/feelings. I do however, regret sending. she is with someone else and i think she has recently moved in with him. funny, she used to work where i currently work, and several people from work have come to me and told me stories of her--basically confirming what i've always known. huge flirt, people user, and easy. That co-worker friend told me that she didn't understand her and I together. I ask myself (and you people here who read this) why I got involved with someone like that. Guess because she claimed to have this feelings for me, and it was scary for her--chasing me. She said she was insecure and even admitted that alot of the BS was in her head at the time. The breakup still hurts like a MF, especially now. I'd like to think the universe put this person in my life for a reason. That currently gives little solace, but hopefully will make sense someday. Oh, the lessons we have to learn... Only thing to do is to go back to NC. Hopefully that will prevent future salt-in-the-wound episodes. I think I'm responsible for prolonging the drama and that doesn't feel too good. Anyone experience something simliar, or gotten involved too deeply with the wrong person? What are you people doing with your abundance of time?
CaliGuy Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Why is she telling you all this now? She is dating someone else. You'd think she'd have some common sense. Who broke things off, you or her? I've been learning a lot lately, and one thing with women is never give them too much. Too much of a good thing tends to be taken for granted. Be busy! Have goals, have a direction in life. Tease women a bit, be funny and playful, have boundaries, be a man (no whining/crying around them!) and be strong. Have hobbies, work out. Basically, when you have a life, goals and a direction, you won't need anyone in your life. And once you realize you don't, you will be inundated with options
Author ahogo Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 Hey Caliguy, thought you were bailin' on LS for awhile;). Anyway, glad you're here. Why is she telling me now? Guilt, or didn't have the capacity to get in touch with her true feelings at the time and fully communicate them to me? I don't really know, and I guess it doesn't matter much at this point. She has a history of being impulsive and making poor choices. Common sense, uhhhhh....she doesn't act mature for her age (42, me 34) I've been learning a lot lately, and one thing with women is never give them too much. Too much of a good thing tends to be taken for granted. Be busy! Have goals, have a direction in life. Tease women a bit, be funny and playful, have boundaries, be a man (no whining/crying around them!) and be strong. Have hobbies, work out. Thats the thing...from her perspective, I didn't give enough to make her feel secure? I believe she's one of those needy, bottomless-pit wells that can never be filled up, no matter how hard you try IMO. I do acknowledge that I should have maybe been a bit more careful with her feelings--although she's the insecure, jealous type. I do usually tease/be playful w/women, and that was a component to the relationship that was fun--the back and forth banter. You're right about the direction part and thats whats now difficult for me. Seems like I've lost my bearings a bit, and I probably relied on her/relationship to be my anchor. Thats def. something to keep in mind for next time. Options you say? Hell, bring the ON!!!
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