Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 I'm telling you in these days and times, when it comes to a man you never know what to believe. a rule of thumb for me is to believe nothing until it's proved true. because i man will tell you what he thinks you want to her and be sincere when doing so. Oh I am seeing this now!and he speaks of religion and God and he seems to be the biggest hypocrit- well I think now he will either avoid me or just tell me he wants out.
huz68qog Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Oh I am seeing this now!and he speaks of religion and God and he seems to be the biggest hypocrit- well I think now he will either avoid me or just tell me he wants out. don't even give him the satisfaction of either, stop the text, e-mail and phone call. leave his ass alone, focus on yourself and your needs. everyone deserve a love that will be true, sincere, genuine, open and honest. you should not have to debate quality time, love and affection, it should be natural. you deserve better and there someone out there for all of us. stand firm:)
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 i will and thankyou for your advice I am not into mind games-this guy if he has been playing me is going to have a sorry lesson!Nothing worse then a woman scorned.
daphne Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 He is not all that and a packet of potato chips.I mean he is average looking!He also looks older then his age,I would say around 35 at least and he acts even more older so I do not see why on earth he would even say this. I'm glad he's saying this early on as opposed to 2 years down the road. It doesn't seem to matter how good looking a guy is. He still seems to think he deserves a young super model. As for his waning interest... You know what to do. Withdraw. Move on. If he realizes that he's missing out, he knows where to find you. If my guy acted that way, I would easily let him move on because of my own doubts. But I've put up with enough crap from men so I'm not putting up with ambivalence. When a guy really likes you, you don't spend too much time overanalyzing his behavior because you already know. Initially I wondered about my guy because of the age difference. Is he trying to have a fling with an older woman, blah blah. But he was in no hurry to move to the next step. His actions showed me how he felt so I didn't have to spin my wheels. One thing I've found in push/pull dynamics. If you tell the guy you think he's right (stop trying to convince him otherwise! this does NOT work) and that the age difference is too great and that you should date men older than you, there's a chance he'll snap back to you. But you have to handle it properly. Don't go overboard, be convinced and convincing and prepared to move on in case it doesn't work. But honestly, texting him about someone else working out in a similar situation will not convince him.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 Hello, well here is an update on everything! Once again he was late and I mean 40 minutes which I am use to.He comes online and says 'hi' no hello baby or anything just HI.I then started talking to him about my feelings and I ask him straight out if he wants me or not an he says to me he doesn;t know what he wants.........OK so this a$$ told me two nights ago he was inlove with me and now he does not know what he wants or how he feels about me?So then I am asking him questions but he is taking his time answer so I am thinking he is talking to someone else online at the same time.He never gave me any reassurances or anything,just he is not sure of anything after us spending two wonderful nights together!. He then tells me he is not using me or lying to me *coughs yeah whatever* I am thinking by this time! I said then why did you tell me all these things,why did you build my hopes and dreams up only to throw me away like the rubbish?He then tried to say he is tired as he has been working heaps etc but feels get this.........that we could never be GF and BF.So he has gone from wanting to marry be someday to the other night telling me we were having a relationship to now saying we could never be GF and BF.So now I am so mad!I tell him he is a using,lying coward!He we had fun together........oh so that's what it was to him FUN! oh great........what a loser. So yep that's it..........another one bites the dust!I am hurting like heck right now,he really had me on an emotional roller coaster wanting me to go to his football games and everything to now being a nothing..........not even a GF. Men seem to be all the same im afraid!
blind_otter Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 It's just a personal preference thing, I think. And for those who are interesting in entering into longterm committments, rather than just paying attention to the short-term, considering things like compatibility as you age IS important, it's not stupid! It's wiser as you get older to make sure you're entering into a relationship that you might have for a long time, rather than just focusing on the short-term. For me, I'm only 26 and I still don't want to waste my time and effort on something that I feel will probably not work out. I prefer to date older men because I feel more secure. I like that they are better lovers than my contemporaries, for the most part, and that they are more settled into themselves. But I think it's a good thing to know now -- 5+ years down the line it would be even more devestating. I'm sorry for your negative emotions, tho.
justagirliegirl Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Im sorry for your pain Aussie65. I have a few questions. This was a guy you chatted with online for awhile and then just met in real life the other day? How long did you chat online for before you met and was there a reason you didn't meet earlier? In your online chats, did you two discuss religion and culture? Why I am asking is that from everything you have said, you two were smitten with each other online and then when you two actually met, you felt the same and he didn't even though he said that he did the first day. Correct me if I am wrong. I have heard of this happening lots when two people fall in love online and then months later when they finally meet one doesn't feel the same and it falls apart. Once again I am so sorry things aren't working out and you are hurting.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 Im sorry for your pain Aussie65. I have a few questions. This was a guy you chatted with online for awhile and then just met in real life the other day? How long did you chat online for before you met and was there a reason you didn't meet earlier? In your online chats, did you two discuss religion and culture? Why I am asking is that from everything you have said, you two were smitten with each other online and then when you two actually met, you felt the same and he didn't even though he said that he did the first day. Correct me if I am wrong. I have heard of this happening lots when two people fall in love online and then months later when they finally meet one doesn't feel the same and it falls apart. Once again I am so sorry things aren't working out and you are hurting. We have been chatting online and on the phone each day for the last few months and met over the weekend because he was really anxious to meet with me.We had a wonderful night together and he really seemed happy about things but there was one thing I noticed-he got an SMS message at around 11.30 and at that moment he tells me he had to go because he was tired.He was very keen to see me the next night as well and made this obvious so we made plans to meet up again which we did.We discussed religion and culture very much so but he assured me nothing could stand in his way. To be honest with you I think he is a player,he is not after anyone permanant in his life,he wants what he can get...........nothing more. Thankyou,I am hurting but I need to learn from this mistake!I let my defences down,I normally do not get involved with people this way but I did because he pursued me and now I know it was all a lie.You cannot tell someone you love them /inlove with them and then get rid of them the next minute!. I believe in Karma though
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 It's just a personal preference thing, I think. And for those who are interesting in entering into longterm committments, rather than just paying attention to the short-term, considering things like compatibility as you age IS important, it's not stupid! It's wiser as you get older to make sure you're entering into a relationship that you might have for a long time, rather than just focusing on the short-term. For me, I'm only 26 and I still don't want to waste my time and effort on something that I feel will probably not work out. I prefer to date older men because I feel more secure. I like that they are better lovers than my contemporaries, for the most part, and that they are more settled into themselves. But I think it's a good thing to know now -- 5+ years down the line it would be even more devestating. I'm sorry for your negative emotions, tho. He preferred to date me because it was SIMPLE as he said,I did not require anything,I already have my own home and job-two children.......I was an easy target for him!He used his religious beliefs to rope me in to his lies. I am glad I know now.......
No Stress Lady Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Hello, well here is an update on everything! Once again he was late and I mean 40 minutes which I am use to.He comes online and says 'hi' no hello baby or anything just HI.I then started talking to him about my feelings and I ask him straight out if he wants me or not an he says to me he doesn;t know what he wants.........OK so this a$$ told me two nights ago he was inlove with me and now he does not know what he wants or how he feels about me?So then I am asking him questions but he is taking his time answer so I am thinking he is talking to someone else online at the same time.He never gave me any reassurances or anything,just he is not sure of anything after us spending two wonderful nights together!. He then tells me he is not using me or lying to me *coughs yeah whatever* I am thinking by this time! I said then why did you tell me all these things,why did you build my hopes and dreams up only to throw me away like the rubbish?He then tried to say he is tired as he has been working heaps etc but feels get this.........that we could never be GF and BF.So he has gone from wanting to marry be someday to the other night telling me we were having a relationship to now saying we could never be GF and BF.So now I am so mad!I tell him he is a using,lying coward!He we had fun together........oh so that's what it was to him FUN! oh great........what a loser. So yep that's it..........another one bites the dust!I am hurting like heck right now,he really had me on an emotional roller coaster wanting me to go to his football games and everything to now being a nothing..........not even a GF. Men seem to be all the same im afraid! You only MET him for the first time two days ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you possibly be thinking of "marriage"?????????!!!!! Not to mention the age difference, religious difference (which is a pretty MAJOR stumbling block) - and the fact that he might have to go back to his own country?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where's he from anyway??? I think you need to forget this guy, he's clearly not interested. Why not try speed dating or something just to meet some guys "in the real world" rather than this online stuff? Good luck - you will meet the right guy - you just need to get out there!!!! And at least you'll be able to tell a bit quicker if they're genuinely interested rather than getting yourself all psyched up only to be met with indifference when you finally meet in the flesh
justagirliegirl Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 He preferred to date me because it was SIMPLE as he said,I did not require anything,I already have my own home and job-two children.......I was an easy target for him!He used his religious beliefs to rope me in to his lies. I am glad I know now....... Was he a citizen of your country? I don't think you did anything wrong by trusting him. At least he showed himself early rather than letting it drag on a long time then doing it.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 You only MET him for the first time two days ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you possibly be thinking of "marriage"?????????!!!!! Not to mention the age difference, religious difference (which is a pretty MAJOR stumbling block) - and the fact that he might have to go back to his own country?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where's he from anyway??? I think you need to forget this guy, he's clearly not interested. Why not try speed dating or something just to meet some guys "in the real world" rather than this online stuff? Good luck - you will meet the right guy - you just need to get out there!!!! And at least you'll be able to tell a bit quicker if they're genuinely interested rather than getting yourself all psyched up only to be met with indifference when you finally meet in the flesh actually no,HE was talking about marriage,in fact he said most of these things,I did think it a bit fast though as well. I don't ever use the internet to find someone,I happened to be looking for a name idea in a chat site and he text me but seemed nice and we became friends online first and seemed to get along well together.I am not one for russhing things by any means but he seemed interested and we were enjoying our time together........anyhow,it's all over,I learned the hard way.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 Was he a citizen of your country? I don't think you did anything wrong by trusting him. At least he showed himself early rather than letting it drag on a long time then doing it. not yet but was soon to become one. He sent me an email saying he feels bad because he committed a sin and also our age difference.Oh well *sighs* seemed to not be a problem at first for him.
No Stress Lady Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 actually no,HE was talking about marriage,in fact he said most of these things,I did think it a bit fast though as well. I don't ever use the internet to find someone,I happened to be looking for a name idea in a chat site and he text me but seemed nice and we became friends online first and seemed to get along well together.I am not one for russhing things by any means but he seemed interested and we were enjoying our time together........anyhow,it's all over,I learned the hard way. You'll be fine Even the crappier experiences in life teach us something, just take it all in your stride and move on
justagirliegirl Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 not yet but was soon to become one. He sent me an email saying he feels bad because he committed a sin and also our age difference.Oh well *sighs* seemed to not be a problem at first for him. What sin did he commit?
Author Aussie65 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 You'll be fine Even the crappier experiences in life teach us something, just take it all in your stride and move on yep sure has!he has turned this all around on me now saying i am showing my true colors LOL man some guys real need to grow up!How does he expect a person to feel after all of this time and then just saying after one minute the 'I love you's' to it's over.
Delectable Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I finally got to meet two nights ago...I have fallen for this guy in a big way...he says to me he loves me...[/left] Aussie - I am so sorry you're hurting. I would take things a lot slower in the future. I do think the interent is a great way to meet people to to invest soooo much and make hopes and dreams for marriage and future before actually being with each other might be rushing it. Time heals all wounds - I know you don't want to hear that...and it is soooo cliche....but it is true and you will be okay again soon
Author Aussie65 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 Where's he from? originally Turkey but moved to Saudi Arabia. What sin did he commit?I don't think I need to say get my drift!it seemed real at the time and he was all for it,fool me. Aussie - I am so sorry you're hurting. I would take things a lot slower in the future. I do think the interent is a great way to meet people to to invest soooo much and make hopes and dreams for marriage and future before actually being with each other might be rushing it. Time heals all wounds - I know you don't want to hear that...and it is soooo cliche....but it is true and you will be okay again soon thankyou!.I tried to but he was the one hurrying things up all the time wanting to meet etc.He said some hurtful things in an email to me just now stating my age difference that we have nothing in common and that I am young and pretty(was a sarcastic remark of course) really did a lot to my self esteem.....yes I am better off without this guy in my life,he is a superficial game player,nothing more.
sassybragg Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I was once involved with someone who was more than 10yrs. younger. The difference is I was the one with the questions in my head about the future years. My concern was if he would lose interest understandable so since I was the one who would always look older. Age was not the reason we ended our relationship but it ocassionally came up when it came to maturity and life experience with some things. Now I know anyone can lose interest at any time and it doesn't mean it would be due to an age difference,but when you know that could be an issue from the beginning, you have to think about it. Maybe he is thinking of you both when he asked that. When your age is a factor it means you are going through bodily and emotional changes at different stages and often can't relate due to the age thing. This is just my take on it so please don't be offended. It's best you found out now rather than down the road. I posted a thread yesterday about a guy I have been talking to for some time now that I finally got to meet two nights ago. Last night we met again but he had cocerns.When we first met he told me he did not mind me being older as I am indeed 10 years older then him and he knew this from word go.Last night he said something to me in regards to our age diffrence stating that what if it becomes a problem later on down the track,in 5 years or 10.I was really thrown by this comment!I mean,who goes into any relationship with a guarantee things are going to work out but to say this now-what does he think I am going to be some old decrepid lady?I am 40 and he is 30,when he is 40 I will be 50,50 I will be 60-SO WHAT?I mean I am young at heart,I believe I am attractive without sounding like I love myself here,I am very funloving and bubbly so whats the big deal?. I have fallen for this guy in a big way and he tells me this so now I am not sure what to think yet he says to me he loves me and is inlove with me but he believes our relationship to be high risk WTF??? I told him when you enter any relationship there is a risk of breaking up!I also told him that there are many successful marriages where there is an age difference-isn't age but a number or state of mind?I don't want to feel like 5 or 10 years down the track he is going to go running after younger women.I don;t know how you take what he said but this was all I could think of.I don;t enter a relationsihip with negatives and never have-I go for it and enjoy the ride and if things work out then great,if not then that's life but to be told our relationship is high risk etc I might as well go dig my grave now and bury myself in it considering my old age! He wants to still see me!He tells me he is 'inlove' with me and enjoying every moment of being together so I really do not get it. Maybe someone here can slap me back into reality and tell me how you would interput things too.Should I give this guy a miss or enjoy the ride?
Recommended Posts