Aussie65 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I posted a thread yesterday about a guy I have been talking to for some time now that I finally got to meet two nights ago. Last night we met again but he had cocerns.When we first met he told me he did not mind me being older as I am indeed 10 years older then him and he knew this from word go.Last night he said something to me in regards to our age diffrence stating that what if it becomes a problem later on down the track,in 5 years or 10.I was really thrown by this comment!I mean,who goes into any relationship with a guarantee things are going to work out but to say this now-what does he think I am going to be some old decrepid lady?I am 40 and he is 30,when he is 40 I will be 50,50 I will be 60-SO WHAT?I mean I am young at heart,I believe I am attractive without sounding like I love myself here,I am very funloving and bubbly so whats the big deal?. I have fallen for this guy in a big way and he tells me this so now I am not sure what to think yet he says to me he loves me and is inlove with me but he believes our relationship to be high risk WTF??? I told him when you enter any relationship there is a risk of breaking up!I also told him that there are many successful marriages where there is an age difference-isn't age but a number or state of mind?I don't want to feel like 5 or 10 years down the track he is going to go running after younger women.I don;t know how you take what he said but this was all I could think of.I don;t enter a relationsihip with negatives and never have-I go for it and enjoy the ride and if things work out then great,if not then that's life but to be told our relationship is high risk etc I might as well go dig my grave now and bury myself in it considering my old age! He wants to still see me!He tells me he is 'inlove' with me and enjoying every moment of being together so I really do not get it. Maybe someone here can slap me back into reality and tell me how you would interput things too.Should I give this guy a miss or enjoy the ride?
justagirliegirl Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 Mine said something like that to me too so I am very keen on hearing what others have to say on this too! BTW he didn't say it at the beginning but a bit later and here we are still together nearly 2 years later. I never heard a younger woman say something like "I don't know if I should get involved" if the guy is 10-15 years older.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 this is so true!He really wants this I can tell but I felt his comment to be very negative. I have two teenage children,one 17 and the other 14 which he has known about and told me they are not a problem as he likes children yet he has made it clear he does not want children of his own which is fine and I can accept that either way. Does this make you feel insecure about your partner when he tells you these things?Remember mine is Islamic and many of them can get other wives,I have sopken to him about this and this is not what he wants. I know I can make him happy!We seem to realy clique together yet this brings me on a downer when he tells me and that was all he could come up with!Nothing else.I told him what if he is bald and fat and ugly and I am still beautiful lol I might trade him in! I just don't get it.
Poconobob Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I posted a thread yesterday about a guy I have been talking to for some time now that I finally got to meet two nights ago. Last night we met again but he had cocerns.When we first met he told me he did not mind me being older as I am indeed 10 years older then him and he knew this from word go.Last night he said something to me in regards to our age diffrence stating that what if it becomes a problem later on down the track,in 5 years or 10.I was really thrown by this comment!I mean,who goes into any relationship with a guarantee things are going to work out but to say this now-what does he think I am going to be some old decrepid lady?I am 40 and he is 30,when he is 40 I will be 50,50 I will be 60-SO WHAT?I mean I am young at heart,I believe I am attractive without sounding like I love myself here,I am very funloving and bubbly so whats the big deal?. I have fallen for this guy in a big way and he tells me this so now I am not sure what to think yet he says to me he loves me and is inlove with me but he believes our relationship to be high risk WTF??? I told him when you enter any relationship there is a risk of breaking up!I also told him that there are many successful marriages where there is an age difference-isn't age but a number or state of mind?I don't want to feel like 5 or 10 years down the track he is going to go running after younger women.I don;t know how you take what he said but this was all I could think of.I don;t enter a relationsihip with negatives and never have-I go for it and enjoy the ride and if things work out then great,if not then that's life but to be told our relationship is high risk etc I might as well go dig my grave now and bury myself in it considering my old age! He wants to still see me!He tells me he is 'inlove' with me and enjoying every moment of being together so I really do not get it. Maybe someone here can slap me back into reality and tell me how you would interput things too.Should I give this guy a miss or enjoy the ride? My vote is enjoy the ride, 10 years is nothing these days, especially your age bracket! Unless he is immature which he doesn't sound like he is or ?? I don't know but all I can say is love and the human emotion of falling in love is one of the coolest traits people have and you deserve to enjoy it. Gee, I hope you aren't my X ... lol, just kidding...she just turned 40 yesterday. bob
Wing Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 If he is 20, she is 30, I think it is a problem. Because at the age of 20, he may not even finish college yet, and he maybe not sure about what he want in life yet...so there is a big chance the relationship will not last long. If he is 30, she is 40, should not be a problem, since at age of 30, he should have a clear idea what he wants in life and in a relationship. Age is not a prolem by itself. Just me opinion. -wing
Poconobob Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 If he is 20, she is 30, I think it is a problem. Because at the age of 20, he may not even finish college yet, and he maybe not sure about what he want in life yet...so there is a big chance the relationship will not last long. If he is 30, she is 40, should not be a problem, since at age of 30, he should have a clear idea what he wants in life and in a relationship. Age is not a prolem by itself. Just me opinion. -wing Ya... exactly, plus your both mentally aged not just chronologically aged. bob
justagirliegirl Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 this is so true!He really wants this I can tell but I felt his comment to be very negative. I have two teenage children,one 17 and the other 14 which he has known about and told me they are not a problem as he likes children yet he has made it clear he does not want children of his own which is fine and I can accept that either way. Does this make you feel insecure about your partner when he tells you these things?Remember mine is Islamic and many of them can get other wives,I have sopken to him about this and this is not what he wants. I know I can make him happy!We seem to realy clique together yet this brings me on a downer when he tells me and that was all he could come up with!Nothing else.I told him what if he is bald and fat and ugly and I am still beautiful lol I might trade him in! I just don't get it. I hear you! My kids are slightly older 17 and 24. The bf will be 26 soon. Honestly I don't want anymore kids and he knows that. He isn't too sure if he wants any. He isn't worried about my appearance and not worried about short term but rather 30 years from now. Worried about me dying first. Yes, it made me feel bad when he said that and made me feel like he wasn't fully invested. Edit: I was married to a man 12 years older than I was and I never even gave it a thought about him dying first or the age difference. It bothered him slightly at first but he got over it.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 I have sat down and sent him 10 reasons why I think this younger/older relationship would work. It's funny how men see things though,how they seem to think women will grow old and haggard yet my Ex was 6 years older then me and was grey and bald at a young age and I grew out of him because he simply grew too old before his time-he was like an old man! I do think,I love the gym,I love spending time with family,I have been told I do not look my age.I am thinking he is being superficial here thinking I will be wrinkly old hag lol but could I be wrong?I may hold my age better then he does,who knows!
justagirliegirl Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I have sat down and sent him 10 reasons why I think this younger/older relationship would work. It's funny how men see things though,how they seem to think women will grow old and haggard yet my Ex was 6 years older then me and was grey and bald at a young age and I grew out of him because he simply grew too old before his time-he was like an old man! I do think,I love the gym,I love spending time with family,I have been told I do not look my age.I am thinking he is being superficial here thinking I will be wrinkly old hag lol but could I be wrong?I may hold my age better then he does,who knows! Do you really think he is mostly worried about your appearance fading? Are you at all concerned about the cultural differences you may have? BTW my guy is Aussie.
Poconobob Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I have sat down and sent him 10 reasons why I think this younger/older relationship would work. It's funny how men see things though,how they seem to think women will grow old and haggard yet my Ex was 6 years older then me and was grey and bald at a young age and I grew out of him because he simply grew too old before his time-he was like an old man! I do think,I love the gym,I love spending time with family,I have been told I do not look my age.I am thinking he is being superficial here thinking I will be wrinkly old hag lol but could I be wrong?I may hold my age better then he does,who knows! Just tell him to LOOK at retirees, and then tell him to "guess the age" ... point being, the older we get, as in the "young" old, and older people 70+ unless they are like ancient, you get a wide spread in the guesses for age. I dealt with credit applications and you'd be abolutely floored most times at ages. Besides, women live longer typically than men, soooo you'll grow old together and ripen together. bob
justagirliegirl Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Just tell him to LOOK at retirees, and then tell him to "guess the age" ... point being, the older we get, as in the "young" old, and older people 70+ unless they are like ancient, you get a wide spread in the guesses for age. I dealt with credit applications and you'd be abolutely floored most times at ages. Besides, women live longer typically than men, soooo you'll grow old together and ripen together. bob Good points. Most older people look about the same.
Sassy Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Age is just a number as long as it isn't a teeny bopper .. You are 40 and he is 30 what is the difference. This is an interesting post considering i just got throught watching a movie about this type of situation. The movie Prime with Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep . Uma Thurman was 37 and the guy was 23 and the mother had a problem with it. Really a good movie to watch about this type of situation. I think 10 yrs difference shouldn't matter as long as you love one another and aren't old enough to be their parent then more power to ya!!
Author Aussie65 Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 Do you really think he is mostly worried about your appearance fading? yes I do believe so even though he has told me differently. Are you at all concerned about the cultural differences you may have? I am not that concerned however I believe he is as he is very strict in his beliefs(not too strict if he is meeting up with me though) I guess one cannot always be perfect and not break the rules. BTW my guy is Aussie. that is awesome congrats!Where are you from? Just tell him to LOOK at retirees, and then tell him to "guess the age" ... point being, the older we get, as in the "young" old, and older people 70+ unless they are like ancient, you get a wide spread in the guesses for age. I dealt with credit applications and you'd be abolutely floored most times at ages. Besides, women live longer typically than men, soooo you'll grow old together and ripen together. That again is a very good point!My Father is a young 77 year old,he hardly has any greys and his wife does though look a lot older then him.Some people are blessed with the youth gene I think. Age is just a number as long as it isn't a teeny bopper .. You are 40 and he is 30 what is the difference. This is an interesting post considering i just got throught watching a movie about this type of situation. The movie Prime with Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep . Uma Thurman was 37 and the guy was 23 and the mother had a problem with it. Really a good movie to watch about this type of situation. I think 10 yrs difference shouldn't matter as long as you love one another and aren't old enough to be their parent then more power to ya!! I should advise him to watch it!LOL,that's if it has a happy ending Thankyou for the idea!
daphne Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Aussie, I'm in a similar situation with a guy 9 years younger except he doesn't have a problem with it. I think that honestly, if the younger person has a problem with it, it will always be a problem especially if it's a guy. Guys place a higher value on looks than women. At least he's being honest in telling you. The good thing is that you sound like you can go with the flow and that he's looking at this long term which is why he's concerned. In my situation, I'm the one that has a tough time. I look his age but I avoid telling most people his age because I've already been referred to as Demi and I really hate that. The majority of guys who ask me out now are his age so I don't even get to date guys my own age. I only date them because it's that or sit at home. I really like teh guy and we're compatible and we have a lot in common as far as our core values. I've just always dated older guys and have been the young hottie that they'd never leave so it makes me insecure that I could be vulnerable to being left for someone younger.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 I'm in a similar situation with a guy 9 years younger except he doesn't have a problem with it. I think that honestly, if the younger person has a problem with it, it will always be a problem especially if it's a guy. Guys place a higher value on looks than women. At least he's being honest in telling you. The good thing is that you sound like you can go with the flow and that he's looking at this long term which is why he's concerned. In my situation, I'm the one that has a tough time. I look his age but I avoid telling most people his age because I've already been referred to as Demi and I really hate that. The majority of guys who ask me out now are his age so I don't even get to date guys my own age. I only date them because it's that or sit at home. I really like teh guy and we're compatible and we have a lot in common as far as our core values. I've just always dated older guys and have been the young hottie that they'd never leave so it makes me insecure that I could be vulnerable to being left for someone younger. Guys place a higher value on looks than women. At least he's being honest in telling you. He is not all that and a packet of potato chips.I mean he is average looking!He also looks older then his age,I would say around 35 at least and he acts even more older so I do not see why on earth he would even say this. When I met with him the other night the first thing he said to me is he had two things to talk about and I was thinking OK so religion and family but what he said was far more crushing to me.To tell me that he sees our relationship as high risk and also that he thinks and is saying not now but the age difference may come between us .I said to him would he give up a loving good relationship just for that?He could not answer but I told him I had two choices,to leave right then and there and break it off with him or to enjoy the ride and see where things go.I told him that in no relationship there are guarantees,there is always a risk of breaking up!I just could not see this as a problem but obviously he has some tickets on himself I think. I emailed him this morning telling him Mohammed married a woman 15 years older then him and stayed with her till she died THEN remarried,I have not hear back from him,no phone calls,no emails,no text NOTHING. I would HATE to be left for someone younger,that would just crush me.
huz68qog Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 my only advice is to have fun and be careful with your feeling. you never really know peoples motives and intentions, protect your mind.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 I think so,it's not looking too good is it?I have let down my defences and allowed him into my life and now it seems he is not as keen anymore and to be honest with you this is not helpiing my self esteem at all either.
huz68qog Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 what is it that has changed, the way he act, conversation, plans. what are his action that causes you to think he's not as interested in you?
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 what is it that has changed, the way he act, conversation, plans. what are his action that causes you to think he's not as interested in you? well for a start his lack of messages,he was more keen before and now since our meeting on Saturday night he has slackened off.He normally sends me emails and text messages and phones me,he has done none of this.I am thinking he is going to break it off.How could you tell someone you love them and are inlove with them then cut off communication from them.It makes no sense to me.
huz68qog Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 i really have to be honest with you. it's hard to read a man and distinguish the truth from a lie. whether they are being sincere or swift. women, we are very emotional and analytic, whereas men are not. you sometimes have to play games with a man to figure him out "mind games". so i would call him, ask to meet for dinner and tell him that i think we should either chill out for a while or see other people. by doing this, his responds allows you to see how he really feels. make sure to analyze every detail and movement. how do you feel about doing this?
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 Mine said something like that to me too so I am very keen on hearing what others have to say on this too! BTW he didn't say it at the beginning but a bit later and here we are still together nearly 2 years later. I never heard a younger woman say something like "I don't know if I should get involved" if the guy is 10-15 years older. I think it's a pretty moronic thing to say to someone!I mean come on...we don;t all go into relationships thinking well in 5 years time I may not be attracted to her/him,that's just plain stupid and I'm easy on the eyes!I dress trendy,I take care of myself.I would have no problem finding someone else,this guys just messing with my head I think.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 i really have to be honest with you. it's hard to read a man and distinguish the truth from a lie. whether they are being sincere or swift. women, we are very emotional and analytic, whereas men are not. you sometimes have to play games with a man to figure him out "mind games". so i would call him, ask to meet for dinner and tell him that i think we should either chill out for a while or see other people. by doing this, his responds allows you to see how he really feels. make sure to analyze every detail and movement. how do you feel about doing this? I think you are right but right now I know my chances of getting with him are slim as he is busy with his studies and work.I know right now he is steaming over the text message I sent him and probably will not call or anything ,I asked him in this text if I had any reasons for concern and he sent one back saying "i just woke up!i was on line last nigght waiting!I'm trying to make up what I missed this week.I'm sorry anyway." I sent one back saying well I never knew you were online sorry,why didn't you text me?" no reply,nothing.
huz68qog Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I think you are right but right now I know my chances of getting with him are slim as he is busy with his studies and work.I know right now he is steaming over the text message I sent him and probably will not call or anything ,I asked him in this text if I had any reasons for concern and he sent one back saying "i just woke up!i was on line last nigght waiting!I'm trying to make up what I missed this week.I'm sorry anyway." I sent one back saying well I never knew you were online sorry,why didn't you text me?" no reply,nothing. girl a man that loves you or that is in love with you, is never to busy for you. did you truly believe him, that he was on line waiting? he know every which way to contact you, why didn't he attempt contact another way? the advantage that women have over men is our gut instance, what does your gut tell you about him and the text conversation your just had? often we don't always listen to our gut feeling, which is usually right.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 girl a man that loves you or that is in love with you, is never to busy for you. did you truly believe him, that he was on line waiting? he know every which way to contact you, why didn't he attempt contact another way? the advantage that women have over men is our gut instance, what does your gut tell you about him and the text conversation your just had? often we don't always listen to our gut feeling, which is usually right. Your right!my gut tells me he is not serious about me,that he was only playing me all along.I have never had this happen to me before but the odds are stacked up against me right now!I am furious that he could do this.....to play with someones emotions like this.
huz68qog Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Your right!my gut tells me he is not serious about me,that he was only playing me all along.I have never had this happen to me before but the odds are stacked up against me right now!I am furious that he could do this.....to play with someones emotions like this. I'm telling you in these days and times, when it comes to a man you never know what to believe. a rule of thumb for me is to believe nothing until it's proved true. because i man will tell you what he thinks you want to her and be sincere when doing so.
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