Guest Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 When does it get any better??? I can't sleep, and when I do i dream about him... during the day i constantly think of him and what he's doing and why he doesn't give a damn to call me. all i do is sit in bed and cry... i don't go out b/c i think of him and what he's doing and get sad and breakdown..who wants to be around that. i just keep hoping we'll get back together. we've been broken up for almost a week now and it's not any easier. he wasn't good to me, i am aware of that... he disrespected me, hung up on me thousands of times, and told me to shut up, and make it quick when we did talk. he told me i was smoothering him and that he needed his space for the last few weeks... so really i guess he was over me way before we even broke up...and i just keep thinking why am i crying over a guy who disrespected me and treated me like s***?? but it doesnt hurt any less.. everyone says he's probably got someone new... and when i think about that it just about kills me. i was ALWAYS there for him...he'd hang up, i'd call back... he didn't want to see me one night...i'd be there the next... i loved him w/ all my heart and finally after he screamed at me to leave him the hell alone and never call him again...i did just that. it's been 4 whole days with NC and I keep thinking...is he going to call me??? is he wondering what i'm doing??? is he in disbelief that i don't call him anymore??? WHY isn't he calling me?? wasn't the relationship worth anything to him??? i feel like i've wasted a year of my life... he's never had his heart broken... it was like he feel madly in love with me from the beginning (didn't even know me) and we were head over heels for mths and then when he said i didn't give him enough attention i began to open my heart and he bailed... he needed his space.... I DONT GET IT. everyone says i'm a gorgeous girl and can get any guy i want..but i wanted him!! :-( why would he pass me up so easily?? will it ever get any better??????
Groovy Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 It sounds like this guy hit a hot spot by rejecting you and now you really want him. It does get better and we have all been there. Make a list of all the things good and bad for you about this guy. Is he really as great as you make him? Probably not. Keep a journal and at the end of the day decide your thought are out and can be put to rest so you can sleep. I think you'll look back and be glad he is not with you anymore. I'd also look at his behavior too. He did after all complain he did not get enough attention and left due to too much attention. Whether he cared a lot or not he doesn't sound capable of a relationship.
bigbrowneyes Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Well, all I have to say is be grateful you only invested one year and didn't waste 6 years like I did! It's been 5 months since I stopped seeing my X and I still cry. I think of him everyday and I pray that someday I'll wake up and he won't be the first thing on my mind. Today is his birthday and I spent the entire day wondering how he and his new girlfriend are spending the day. I don't understand why I continue to feel this way over someone who totally disrespected me and my family. I guess that's just what happens when you really love someone. I allow myself 5 minutes each morning to think about him and than I focus on other things. It's the only way to get through the day sometimes. It will get better with each day for you. Take it one step at a time. Remember that you deserve more from your significant other than your X had to offer you. You deserve for someone to treat you with love and kindness. God will bring you someone special and than you'll be able to see how walking away was the best choice you ever made. Hang in there and keep your chin up.
Apathetic Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Well, all I have to say is be grateful you only invested one year and didn't waste 6 years like I did! It's been 5 months since I stopped seeing my X and I still cry. I think of him everyday and I pray that someday I'll wake up and he won't be the first thing on my mind. Today is his birthday and I spent the entire day wondering how he and his new girlfriend are spending the day. I don't understand why I continue to feel this way over someone who totally disrespected me and my family. I guess that's just what happens when you really love someone. I allow myself 5 minutes each morning to think about him and than I focus on other things. It's the only way to get through the day sometimes. It will get better with each day for you. Take it one step at a time. Remember that you deserve more from your significant other than your X had to offer you. You deserve for someone to treat you with love and kindness. God will bring you someone special and than you'll be able to see how walking away was the best choice you ever made. Hang in there and keep your chin up. Oh I can relate..I think about my EX 24/7..he is the FIRST & LAST thing on my mind,I wake up to him & go to bed to him..It really is ridiculous considering he doesnt respect me enough.I try to focus on other things but he just wont leave my mind.I dont know why I do this to myself:confused:
Guest Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Oh I can relate..I think about my EX 24/7..he is the FIRST & LAST thing on my mind,I wake up to him & go to bed to him..It really is ridiculous considering he doesnt respect me enough.I try to focus on other things but he just wont leave my mind.I dont know why I do this to myself:confused: Well it's good to know i'm not the only one going through this...i also posted the discussion "don't ever call me again" where he treated me like crap and hung up on me a thousand times... I still havent talked to him...it will be a week pretty soon.. and just when i think things are getting better I have a emotional meltdown again... and i try to ask myself what is it i really miss? i don't miss getting hung up on... i don't miss sitting around and waiting and hoping he'll 'choose' to hang out with me that night... THATS NOT LOVE... i took him at face value and up until the last time he told me 'i love you so much' prior to hanging up on me i now realize those were just words..anyone can say words... if he really loved me he never would have treated me the horrible way he did. he's broken up with every single one of his serious girlfriends and said they were all 'psycho'.... i have a feeling he helped make them that way by hanging up on them and making them feel like crap. i just look back and see over time how he broke me down into this weak individual by things he did and said, and promised to do and didn't... he never followed through with anything. did i mention i bought a house with this loser?? well i bought it, he was suppose to live in it but bailed... now i have to spend 8k to get out from underneath it. i had high hopes of having a house and a man to share it with and take care of 'man' stuff...and now i don't want this huge house on my own. everyone says this takes time to get over....and i want to get over him so bad... i don't even know what i'd say to him if he called... i don't think i'd even answer.. i'd like to leave him guessing for once... he knew he had me wrapped around his finger and thats probably why he treated me as badly as he did... well not anymore.
Apathetic Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Im sorry that youre going through this crap & believe me I know how hard it is to try & get over somebody.You say he knew he had you wrapped around his finger..im kind of wondering now if my ex thinks the same,im always available for him & never turn down the chance to hang out w/ him,I tell him how much I love him etc etc..Only once I have made him wonder where I was & what I was doing when I intentionally didnt call him for 2 days & ignored his texts asking me where the hell have I been..For once I wanted him to wonder instead of me worrying & wondering...
LonelyinOhio Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 It does get better. Of COURSE it gets better -- if it didn't, every person out there who ever went through this would be forever mired in misery, and imagine what the world would be like if that were true? So there is evidence all around you that it gets better, and evidence all over this board as well. The #1 thing you need to remember at this early stage is things are not as bad as they seem. In fact, they aren't even as CLOSE to being as bad as they seem. But time alone won't make it better -- you have to want to let this person go, to move on, and to focus on your future, not on your past. Easier said than done, but there's no reason for you to be stuck with this. You'll be surprised one day when you look back at this. Welcome to Life 101 AND NO CONTACT.
PlentyLV007 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 It does get better. My first love, I left him about 2 years ago. I was with him for 5 years and let me tell you...the first year...s***!!! Everything your feeling I also went through. I'm pretty much everybody goes through it unfortunelty It's true what they say...what doesn't kill u does make you stronger!!! Also TIME heals all wounds! Even though right now it might feel like time is dragging and you wish your mind could just delete him. To have no memory, no dreams, no hopes, no love to equal no pain! Memories!!! IT DOES GET BETTER....
HurtNConfused Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Wow. Ok. I went through a 3 year relationship which was exactly like yours. In the end, he became very emotionally and verbally abusive. He broke up with me a year ago and I was DEVASTATED. Not only did I miss him like crazy, but I felt incredibly rejected and so hateful of myself. To me, the rejection was proof that I was nothing at all. I had given him everything, accepted his terrible behaviour and he STILL didn't want me....I was nothing. All along, however, I suspected that my EX had a whole load of unresolved issues, stemming from not liking himself very much. I told him regularly in the kindest way I knew, to get some help. It took 6 months to get my life back on track. I started to feel better in myself and realised I deserved more from a partner. I realised I had LET myself be abused and that my EX had issues. He was the one with the problem, not me. I started to get strong again. Unfortunately, I started seeing someone else a few months ago - he was adorable but has unresolved issues too and dumped me http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84387/ It's undone some of the progress I was making and now I am struggling with feeling like I am worthless, unlovable etc etc. I have often been told I am a great person, attractive, funny, sexy, kind, considerate, intelligent. BUT I just don't see it in myself. I have issues too. I don't love myself and I take the emotional knife and cut myself up with it all the time, telling myself I'm not good enough. I emotionally self-abuse. I'm in therapy. Anyway. TO THE POINT. A year on, and my original EX has been seeing a counsellor for 3 months, he's desperate to have me back, misses me deeply, is incredibly regretful of his behaviour in our relationship and has been in floods of tears about the whole thing. He now sees he has issues and is really working hard to address and explore them. HE ADMITS HE NEVER FELT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. He thought I was too good for him and he was afraid I'd leave him. I've told him I am proud of him for facing his demons and that I will be a friend to him. But right now, I need to be on my own and start loving myself, instead of getting my self worth and validation from men. Guest. Fear of rejection is a deeply destructive force and we all deal with our fear in different ways. Some hide their true feelings, some end relationships before they get too involved, some get abusive and bring the other person down, some accept abusive behaviour because they think they deserve it. Don't accept this kind of behaviour. You are worth more than that. Nurture yourself. I'm sure he'll call you eventually. My EX always did. And I'd forgive him every time. But it's a slippery slope sweetheart. You will start to lose your self-esteem and start accepting terrible behaviours. Tell me this, Guest, and please try to be honest. Do you love yourself?? Do you feel you deserve the best??
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