sick of it Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 have you ever cried about the person you dumped while deeply involved in a new relationship? i ask this because a few weeks ago i was told by my ex that she was "sobbing" during the week of our would be 6yr anniversary. shes living with someone new now and has been for about 5 months. i couldnt underdstand why she would be "sobbing" or why she would tell me. its been echoing in my head since i heard it. needless to say, she dumped me and moved on quickly. ive been lurking here for months trying to accept everything. we broke up over the summer. can anyone attempt to explain that comment? assuming its not just a manipulative tool.
luvtoto Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 A manipulative tool, yep. She is not happy with her new guy, because she rushed into things with him. Now, she is wondering if she still has you on the line.
johan Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 Hard to say what caused her to sob or what caused her to tell you about it. My perspective: anything she does or says indicating she has feelings should be disregarded pretty much instantly. First of all, trying to interpret them is hazardous to your mental health. Second, she couldn't possibly have just wiped the slate clean and have nothing left to deal with. That will show up on her occasionally. Third, women's actions and emotions are somewhat mysterious anyway. Fourth, if she isn't with you, then holding out hope for a future (if you do) will keep you from moving on, and allowing her to keep your hope alive gives her control she shouldn't have. Fifth, she's in a new relationship now. The ups and downs of her emotions are his business, not yours. By being present, you interfere, and thinking that's a good thing just puts you on the low road. If she wants to be with you, she'll make it clear. If she doesn't then don't let her get to you. I can't think of many situations where keeping in touch with an ex led to much good.
tikigods Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I would see this as something as simple as, it was your 6 year anniversary and your break up wasnt THAT long ago, so she jsut got to thinking and more then likely missed you (even if she doesn't want you back) and just wanted to let you know.
Dinnj1 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 can't say that I have personally, but I understand what you mean. My 'friend' (long story) got married and said she was thinkin' of me the day she got married. When having problems with her husband this time last year, she said she cried at night thinking of me with him right next to her... she cried in the shower... according to her... 'danced with a pillow (or towel, whatever)' pretending it was me she was dancing with... and to top off, mentioned how she would be driving in the car singing a song by Whitney H.... "I wanna run to you..." wishing she could run to me. Thanks for that. Right now she's going through the divorce process... and for whatever reasons... cut me off. So apparently she isn't singin' to me no more How would I take your situation??? She misses you. BUT don't analyze it... cause you'll go nuts trying.
amaysngrace Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 i heard montel williams once say, "exes are exes for a reason"
Author sick of it Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 thank you all for quick responses...if other people have thoughts...keep them coming... luvtoto- she tells me that shes happy all the time (whenever ive spoken with her). they have a dog and everything. id like to think shes not happy...but either way it doesnt matter unless im brought into the situation by her. johan- i agree with the things you said. i would still like a relationship with her but i knw im not ready for just a friendship. theres no way i can handle hearing or seeing about the two of them. we havent physically seen eachother since september. and our anniversray was around vday. also i hadnt spoken to her in about 2 months by that point. tikigods- she wanted to let me know because of how i said she was very cold about everything. how she never looked back on as serious a relationship that we had. when she told me that, she said almost spitefully backing it by saying, almost trying to convince me, "im not a heartless bitch"
Author sick of it Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 ... so she jsut got to thinking and more then likely missed you (even if she doesn't want you back) and just wanted to let you know. maybe im having a closed minded view...but how can you miss someone to the point of "sobbing all week" if you dont want them back? im not trying to grasp for something...i just dont see how feelings can be soo strong towards someone if youre with someone else or you dont want them back.
Dinnj1 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 they're just words... try not to sweat it. The day she leaves HIM and the dog... shows up at your front door with open arms is the day you should start questioning things, her thoughts and her feelings.
amaysngrace Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 ..but how can you miss someone to the point of "sobbing all week" if you dont want them back? easily if you have mental illness. you obviously cared for her in your relationship, she recognizes it, and now is trying to get you to care about her again. she's not sobbing for you, she is sobbing for herself. this is not your problem. she is wrong to come to you and exploit your feelings. she has no right to be occupying your time in any way. reserve your energy on what is good in life, not what isn't. she needs help and you are not the one to give it to her. JMO
luvtoto Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 they're just words... try not to sweat it. The day she leaves HIM and the dog... shows up at your front door with open arms is the day you should start questioning things, her thoughts and her feelings. Well, I was gonna post, but I think this says it all. Words are cheap. I think I posted something about that in a different post earlier today. One guy I was dating once had a very manipulative x-wife. She got married shortly after her divorce. Everything she does points to the fact that she is happy. They have a new house, new vehicles...blahblahblah. Well, when I came into the picture, she started to tell him that she misses him...crying on the phone...asking him to take her back...grrrr (still makes me mad). He was suckered in, and I was dumped. After I was out of the picture, she started ignoring him again. It's pretty sad how he got suckered in. I am still not sure what that was all about. Maybe, she doesn't want him...but, she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. I don't know if this scenario has anything to do with your situation. Just be careful. Don't be her puppet-on-a-string.
Recommended Posts