Chaser Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago (I'm 29, she's 25). We stayed in touch for about 5 weeks (mainly via messenger) before I initiated NC. She was very keen to stay friends but I decided that I couldn't handle that at the time. I will add that I suspect she is seeing someone else. NC is not something that I have ever been able to stick to, and I have always found it easier to stay in touch with exes whilst moving on. I feel bad for instigating NC (I know I shouldn't) and staying in contact usually builds some quiet resentment inside of me which pushes me away from the ex and helps me move on. Sounds strange...but it works for me. So, I stupidly texted her a couple of weeks ago as one last ditch effort to get her back. I emailed the next day and apologised for breaking NC, told her I was going to be a man, get over it and move on. I was sincere, and that is now what I'm doing. I also said that I had been hurt but was alot better...and we could stay in touch. She was fine with that. So, that was that....and now I am doing really well. (2 weeks later). The thing that has me puzzled is that since I said I was going to just get on with it, she has blocked me on messenger. I have no intention of asking her why (or indeed contacting her - the ball is in her court)....but why would someone, after being desperate to stay in touch, and then getting what they want suddenly cut off the 'main line' of communication? I know she hasn't done it to help me move on (she aint that altruistic )...is she playing games, hoping that I'll all of a sudden go back to chasing her? It doesn't affect me, I am doing really well since I said we could keep in touch - regardless of whether we actually do or not - but am just interested...
tikigods Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 If it was me, I would have done it just so you couldn't contact me anymore. You said that you wanted to move on, and its easier for me to move on as well if the main form of communication is gone. I say let it go and truly do move on
Author Chaser Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 If it was me, I would have done it just so you couldn't contact me anymore. You said that you wanted to move on, and its easier for me to move on as well if the main form of communication is gone. I say let it go and truly do move on I truly am moving on. My one 'last ditch effort' was just that - me trying one last time and then shutting the door on the relationship. The main reason that I agreed to stay in touch was for her, it's what she wanted...the secondary reason was to make ME feel better as I felt that NC was 'me being mean to her'. So it eased my conscience in a way. I don't mind not having any contact with her at all - and you're right, it is easier to move on without it. I just don't see her doing it with that in mind, she has been quite scared of me moving on after the break-up to be honest. Her blocking me just had me puzzled...when she had just been given the opportunity to have what she so desperately wanted.
luvtoto Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I am sorry, but I see your contacting her as a last ditch effort to win her back. She probably saw it that way, too. She's either: A) trying to move on B) has already moved on Either way, NC/blocking is best.
Dinnj1 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 you forgot... C) Trying to get a reaction out of him. Hey, you never know.... Stranger things have happened...
Author Chaser Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 you forgot... C) Trying to get a reaction out of him. Hey, you never know.... Stranger things have happened... lol The bit I should add to the story is that the day that I agreed to stay in touch, she logged in and stayed logged in all evening - something she rarely does. (I was out but I am always online, so block everybody when I am out...'event logging' is a wonderful thing lol). So for that day at least she was almost tempting me to contact her. I'm not sure if she was on the next day, but the day after that she blocked me. So blocking me to help me move on, to me at least, seems less and less likely. My gut feeling is that she is after a reaction. Afterall, I instigated NC and then went back on my decision....so my integrity in her eyes is questionable. Perhaps she thinks that by disappearing will have me 'knocking on the door' again.
luvtoto Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I don't know chaser. If she dumped you, then why would she be going through these lengths to get you back? ... or tempt you back?
Dinnj1 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 Perhaps she thinks that by disappearing will have me 'knocking on the door' again. sad and crazy enough, but I will never rule that out. I personally have seen it done. In fact, I'VE DONE IT!!! If she's USE to you giving her attention by little 'tests' she may put in front of you, then there is a good chance this could be another little 'test' my advice... fail the test... dont' give her any more attention or a reaction. Trust me... I've had every test in the world given to me and finally realized, she was simply looking for a reaction outta me... and an ego boost for her.
luvtoto Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Ego boost! That's it! I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Author Chaser Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 Ego boost! That's it! I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now you're with me She knows that I have basically been 'hers' for the last two months...she knows that she could have me when she wanted to. BUT once I say "OK, we can stay in touch, but I'm going to move on", she removes herself from the easiest form of contact. Which would mean that I would have to make an 'extra effort' (email/call) to contact her. In my opinion, it's almost like she's 'upped the ante' to see whether it will make me take that extra step....and IF I was to, the ego boost arrives for her. Dinnj1 - Don't worry bro, I honestly have no intention of contacting her. I have compromised as much as I will for her. I no longer feel guilty for going NC...and if she genuinely wants to keep in touch, then she can make the effort. I prefer NC this way - if it's "announced", it's almost like I'm saying "I am not strong enough to deal with any contact from you", but if I just drop off the face of the Earth, it says "I have the option to contact you, but I don't feel the need to". That, for me, is easier to do and does far more for my confidence and sense of my own strength.
Dinnj1 Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Oh, I'm the biggest ego boostin' sorry son' of shmoopy sap you'll ever meet. probably why I'm single.
Author Chaser Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 shes probally mad at you That wouldn't bother me at all. When all is said and done, she would have no justifiable reason to be angry with me....I can live with that
Dinnj1 Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 and if she genuinely wants to keep in touch, then she can make the effort. Bingo... don't lose that attitude. Cause' that's a hard attitude to have and keep. Especially when a few weeks go by with the crickets chirpin in the background. That's when your mind will start messin' with ya... keep it cool... it's in her hands, not yours.
Author Chaser Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 Bingo... don't lose that attitude. Cause' that's a hard attitude to have and keep. Especially when a few weeks go by with the crickets chirpin in the background. That's when your mind will start messin' with ya... keep it cool... it's in her hands, not yours. Thanks for your posts mate, I won't let myself down...I promise.
luvtoto Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Wow, Chaser! I am really relieved! I was under the impression for a second that you were pining for her. I was gonna say..."Which side do ya wan' it?" ... your bytch slap that is!
Author Chaser Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 Wow, Chaser! I am really relieved! I was under the impression for a second that you were pining for her. I was gonna say..."Which side do ya wan' it?" ... your bytch slap that is! LMAO. Pining schmining
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